[Roysta]

What goes up but NEVER comes down........politicians wages

 

[Rob.]

Bubba and Billy Bob are walking down the street in Melbourne, and they
see a sign on a store which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 each.”

Bubba says to his pal, "Billy Bob, look here! We could buy gobs of these, take 'em back to Sydney, sell 'em to our friends, and make a fortune. Just let me do the talkin' cause if they hear your accent, they might think we're ignorant, and won't wanna sell that stuff to us. Now, I'll talk in a slow Victorian drawl, so's they don't know we is from Sydney.”

They go in and Bubba says with his best fake Victorian drawl, "I'll take 50 of them suits at $5.00 each, 100 of them there shirts at $2.00 each, 50 pairs of them there trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and …."

The owner of the shop interrupts, "Ya'll played football for Sydney Swans, didn’t y’all?”

"Well...yeah," says a surprised Bubba...."How come you knowed that?”

"Because this is a dry cleaners.

Do Melbournians have a drawl? Must be the great food and carfee pardner, as well as our being south of the border, down Tasmania way. Yee-haa!

 

[Rob.]

With all honours to JRR Tolkien: "What have I got in my pocket?"

 

[Dandelion]

What appears once in a minute twice in a moment but never in a hundred years?

 

[Pink lion]

How deep would the World's ocean be, if they removed all of the sponges?

 

[springburn]

What word starts with E and ends with E but only has one letter

Answer: Envelope

 

[markb]

Submit your best riddle and go into the draw to win a $100 Coles, Woolies, ALDI or IGA voucher!​

Good morning, members!

A little competition hiatus from us last month, which we are sorry about, but we were busy doing some other big things for you lot which you will all have access to very soon…

But we are back and ready to give you some money for your best riddle! This new riddle competition will run from now until mid-June.

As you all know, we love sending you riddles every Monday, Wednesday and Friday morning, but we are finding ourselves running a little low on riddles in our ‘riddle bank’. So we need you to post your favourite riddle in the comments below (along with the answer to the riddle.)

The member who posts the best riddle before mid-June will receive a $100 voucher to Coles, Woolies, ALDI or IGA (at the winner's discretion)!

The only rule is that you cannot take a riddle that has already have been posted in our weekly riddle thread - https://seniorsdiscountclub.com.au/forums/jokes-fun-and-games.10/

Good luck, members! And Happy Riddle-ing!

The poor have it,the rich don't need it and if you eat it you will die.
Answer nothing

 

[Maddison Dwyer]

A bunch of riddles submitted by the lovely member Dennis R.:

• I can only live where there is light, but I will die if no light shines on me, What am I? A shadow.
• What flies when it is born, lies when it’s alive and runs when it is dead? A Snowflake.
• Every night I am told what to do and every morning I do as I am told, but still do not escape your scold. What am I? An alarm clock.
• I am a mother and farther, but I have never given birth, I am rarely still bur never wander. What am I? A tree
• We hurt without moving, we bear the truth and the lies, we poison without moving, we are not to be judged by our size. What are we? Words.
• I am always near or far away, somewhere between land or sea I lay, yet you can move towards me, yet distant I stay, What am I? The Horizon.
• What has two ends, two rings and a fastener in the middle? A pair of scissors.
• What object with many coats makes people cry? An onion.
• What do you do when you see a little green man? You cross the street.
• What constantly looks at each other but never meets? The banks of a river.
• There are 90 apples on a birch tree, a strong wind blows 20 down to the ground, how many are left on the tree? None apples do not grow on birch trees.
• The more you take from it the bigger it gets, what am I? A hole.
• I am a god, a planet and a measurer of heat. Who am I? Mercury.
• I am a creature without legs and a tongue that has a fork. You might hear parseltongue if you could find one that could talk. What am I? A snake.
• What kind of lights did Noah use on his Ark? Floodlights.
• You might see this in the sky, by a waterfall which is lower, some say it was first seen by Noah after a flood. What am I? A Rainbow.
• How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews It.
• I am the greatest financier in the bible, I floated my stock while everyone was in liquidation, Whom am I? Noah.
• What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas Eve.
• I may seem like a strong mix but I am, there for all to see with parents, shepherds and kings , some animals and a baby. What am I? A nativity scene.

Thank you for sending all of these through, Dennis R.!

 

[Pink lion]

What did one Photon say to the other Photon?

Tell me... What is the Matter?

 

[mOiOz]

We both sound like something that drips and although only one of us could be a liquid, the other may also be found in a liquid.

Leak / Leek

 

[mOiOz]

I represent, what’s called a group
And have a very busy troop.
Known as an abbreviation,
I bring smiles to one whole nation.
You will find me first, of only three
In every stream and every sea.
In second place, which is the middle,
I can also be found, in this riddle.
And the very last answer for all of you,
Is the very first letter, in the very first clue.

Answer: SDC

 

[Deb & Phill]

Female cat strolling down an ally singing 'All I want for Christmas is two little kitten two little kitten'. Following behind her is a Tom cat singing. 'Here comes Santa Claus '

 

[Pink lion]

I thought I had posted this before, but never saw it.

"How deep would our World's Oceans be, if they removed all of the sponges?"

Q what is yellow green and light brown and can go faster than the speed of sound? ..... A a Quantas pilot's egg and lettuce sandwich.

 

[BRIAN KK]

 

[SuziQ2312]

What do you call a French guy wearing sandals?

Philippe Philoppe

 

[Iggydi]

What do you call a Monkey with a steak on his head? A Vertical Gorilla (Griller)

 

[Lefty56]

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

no eye deer

 

[Lefty56]

What appears once in a minute twice in a moment but never in a hundred years?

the letter m

 

[Lefty56]

What has 4 letters, sometimes has 9 but never has 5.

What, sometimes,never

 

[Shanni]

What do cars and Scientology have in common?

(A) *Cruise* control !