[Thecheesequeen]

What is a bed bottle

Otherwise known as a hot water bottle

 

[Orchids]

Otherwise known as a hot water bottle

No , It is called a urinal

 

[SeniorSue]

What is a deer with no eyes called?
No idea.
What is a deer with no eyes and no ears called?
Still no idea.

Hi, I heard the question "What is a deer with no legs" to get the reply 'Still no idea.'
There is a further naughty question, 'What is a deer with no eyes, no legs and no bottom half?'
Still, no fu@#*!g idea!!!!!

 

[skyliner]

A young blonde has just received a rather large Inheritance so she decides to buy herself the latest model sports Mercedes Benz. She drives the car around all day and returns home for dinner. After dinner she decides to go for a drive to the shops but the car won't start so she decides to go in the morning.Come the next day she drives to the shops and then decides to visit her girlfriends to show off her new car. When she decides to go home from her girlfriends place at night the car won't start again.Fed up with the car not starting she rings the dealer to come and have a look at the car. After the mechanic has thoroughly inspected the car he asks the blonde if she has noticed anything else wrong with the car whereas the blonde says to him.I am doing everything right where I do as it says "put in d for day and n for night "

What about R for race?

 

[574924]

Mother superior and a young nun were riding their bikes on the cobblestone paved back roads in Rome when the young nun said “ oh I’ve never come this way before”, to which Mother Superior replied “ it must be the cobblestones dear”.

To which she replied….” Well we have to come back this way wont we? “

 

[Defiant540]

No , It is called a urinal

according to google it's both

 

[Gazman]

A young blonde has just received a rather large Inheritance so she decides to buy herself the latest model sports Mercedes Benz. She drives the car around all day and returns home for dinner. After dinner she decides to go for a drive to the shops but the car won't start so she decides to go in the morning.Come the next day she drives to the shops and then decides to visit her girlfriends to show off her new car. When she decides to go home from her girlfriends place at night the car won't start again.Fed up with the car not starting she rings the dealer to come and have a look at the car. After the mechanic has thoroughly inspected the car he asks the blonde if she has noticed anything else wrong with the car whereas the blonde says to him.I am doing everything right where I do as it says "put in d for day and n for night "

Why do blondes have such bad reps?

 

[Mikeyboy2012]

A young blonde has just received a rather large Inheritance so she decides to buy herself the latest model sports Mercedes Benz. She drives the car around all day and returns home for dinner. After dinner she decides to go for a drive to the shops but the car won't start so she decides to go in the morning.Come the next day she drives to the shops and then decides to visit her girlfriends to show off her new car. When she decides to go home from her girlfriends place at night the car won't start again.Fed up with the car not starting she rings the dealer to come and have a look at the car. After the mechanic has thoroughly inspected the car he asks the blonde if she has noticed anything else wrong with the car whereas the blonde says to him.I am doing everything right where I do as it says "put in d for day and n for night "

Oh dear....

 

[Nolaj]

One for old time music lovers...
A fellow called Roy was complaining on the phone to his veterinarian friend, Bill, about his cat's sudden bad behaviour. This cat had become very destructive..scatching up his lounge chairs, digging up his pot plants and even chewing up a brand new pair of shoes! Bill was perplexed as Roy owned several cats and all had previously been loving and docile, so offered to come round and check out the possible cause. When he arrived, Roy ushered him in to his lounge room where Bill saw several tabbies sleeping peacefully and one scrawny ginger giving him the stink eye. He pointed to the ginger and sang!.... "Pardon me Roy.....is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"

 

[PepeLePew]

2 eggs, Ethel and Eric were in the bedroom of their honeymoon suite on the night of their wedding. Ethel said she was going to the bathroom to slip into something more comfortable but when she came out Eric was lying on the bed wearing a crash helmet. When she inquired why he had this on his head he replied, "Well every time one of my mates got hard, somebody hit them with a spoon."

 

[Tomhelm]

How do you stop a fish smelling?

Cut off his nose

 

[margie]

 

[Robbo128]

Venison is Deer?.

Not if you buy it at the local butchers shop

 

[dsee]

A couple were having a large new house built for them. When reviewing the plans, the wife asked for a statue to be placed in every room.
When the house was built, the builder went to a lot of trouble and put a statue in every room, even small statues in the bathrooms and large statues in the loungeroom and in the middle of the circular driveway.
At handover of the completed house, the wife said "Very good, but can I have a statue in every room, please."
The builder pointed out all the statues to her, but she responded, "No No No, I mean one of those things that you pick up and say, "Hello !! Statue ??"

 

[Yvonne Harewood]

a Teacher asks her class what pets they have.
little Mary says she has a cat called whiskers, little johnny says he has a puppy called spot and little jimmy says he doesn’t have a pet yet but is getting a hedgehog.
the teacher says are you sure, we have echidnas in Australia not hedgehogs
little jimmy says he is sure cause he heard his mum tell his dad if he took out the rubbish bins she would give him a hedgehog

 

[Vinylted]

In a small town in Queensland, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men.
Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him,

"Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?"

"Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

 

[Collins]

a Teacher asks her class what pets they have.
little Mary says she has a cat called whiskers, little johnny says he has a puppy called spot and little jimmy says he doesn’t have a pet yet but is getting a hedgehog.
the teacher says are you sure, we have echidnas in Australia not hedgehogs
little jimmy says he is sure cause he heard his mum tell his dad if he took out the rubbish bins she would give him a hedgehog

G

 

[Collins]

That's a good one

 

[Leonard Hall]

After the birth of her 17th grandchild, the Irish grandmother decided
enough was enough, so applied to have a hysterectomy.

I don't get that sorry.

 

[Luckyus]

I don't get that sorry.

The biggest joke is the woke? (with tongue in cheek apologies)