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Socks that disappear, re-appear as Tupperware lids, in one of your Kitchen cupboards, and they do not fit any Tupperware that you have. Also, attempting to get rid of our nuclear waste by sending some to every family to put in their socks as they wash them has now been proved to be a bad idea.

The Redneck turned to his Wife and said, 'I know why we got triplets. Remember that night we ran out of Vaseline and I used three in one oil.' The Wife replied. 'It's a good thing you didn't use WD40 then!'

It has to be put back on the manufacturers of the single use items. If it can't be 're-used', 're-purposed', or 're-cycled' (the new three 'R's), production must stop! The technology exists to do this. It is our only way forward.

And that is why we have warning labels on almost everything. Because people are stupid and will try and blame anyone else instead of themselves for careless behaviour. "You didn't say don't do it, so I did it." If I bought 'hot' food from any outlet, I would expect it to possibly burn me if I...

I went to a Restaurant that cost me an arm and a leg, But they did wait on me hand and foot.

Let's redefine the word 'Accident'. Accidents don't just 'happen', they are caused by an unsafe act or condition. Stop the unsafe act, or remove the unsafe condition and the accident does not happen.

Hipster bollocks. Pennywise cubes work just as well.

How to get 10min of Cardio in 10sec, Walk through a Spider's Web!

If you had a heart attack whilst knocking one out, would you be coming and going at the same time?

I had a similar experience once when I went to Bunnings wearing a red polo shirt. A Lady asked me for help and I had to tell her that I didn't work there. She appologised and we had a bit of a laugh. I don't wear that shirt much now, particularly if I am going to Bunnings,

Unfortunately my October is already taken with Loctober. Somebody asked me if I would go Dry July and I replied that my chances of going 'Dry July' are about as me going 'Gay for May'.

The Sailor's other reply. No, but hum the first line and I'll fake it!

'Political Correctness' is believing you can pick up a Dog turd by the clean end!

Take nothing but photos. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time.

Mary had a little Lamb her Father shot it dead. So now it goes to school with her between two lumps of Bread. Jack and Jill went up the hill for a bit of Hanky Panky. Jill came down with $50, it must have been a Yanky.

So her father went and shot the shepherd.

I would be sad to loose the Monarch, but I like your idea of something Australian, if the Monarch was replaced, and a non-human image was chosen.