Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

 

[ElleJay]

I loved reading Ricci's story and would love to hear more too! And the stories from other members posted here. I am so sorry to hear of your sad losses. I count myself very lucky, we were only able to have one child, a daughter, who is now 27 and has grown into a wonderful young woman. She has a wonderful partner and they have recently bought their first home, not too far from us!

 

[Ricci]

I loved reading Ricci's story and would love to hear more too! And the stories from other members posted here. I am so sorry to hear of your sad losses. I count myself very lucky, we were only able to have one child, a daughter, who is now 27 and has grown into a wonderful young woman. She has a wonderful partner and they have recently bought their first home, not too far from us!

Thank you for your comments. I'm glad for you that your daughter is still close to you, give her an extra special hug next time you see her!

 

[Nana Zorak]

Member Spotlight. My name is Cora, a very old-fashioned name. I am an ex-Pomm also who came here during the era of recruiting for the white Australia policy during the 6o's. My husband & I had tried to buy a house in the village where we lived but the bank took over a week to decide if we could afford to pay for it. During this week the house was sold to 5 Pakistani families who all moved into the house with an outside toilet. only one mind you. We applied for Australia the next day & were granted a place as my husband had arranged a job. Within the 6 months that it took for all the tee's to be crossed & the eyes dotted the whole street that we had hoped to buy into had been taken over by Pakistani families as there was no living in the same street as them. They made it so uncomfortable for whites to live there because of their religion & their attitude to outsiders to their faith. We now know they were fundamental Islamists. So we flew to Australia just after Easter 1965. We came to Brisbane first after 5 or 6, 8-hour hops across the world. We had to go to the Wacol hostel. At which I lost at least 10 pounds as the food was dreadful & I am extremely fussy. We both got temporary jobs& come July we drove all the way to Cairns where my husband had a job with the Cairns Fire Brigade. There were mostly ex-poms there so we had an instant family who became more than friends. My son who was 5 at the time took to the schooling & after 2 years we had our house built in a new street with a school just across the road for my son.

 

[Kayer02]

What a sad but in some ways an uplifting story.. You are an amazing and strong woman. . As I know after the loss of a child, our minds truly do rule our bodies and crazy things can happen. Once you finally come to terms with that loss and find contentment, miracles do happen. Hence your pregnancy.. Thank you for putting pen to paper and sharing your story...

 

[Ricci]

What a sad but in some ways an uplifting story.. You are an amazing and strong woman. . As I know after the loss of a child, our minds truly do rule our bodies and crazy things can happen. Once you finally come to terms with that loss and find contentment, miracles do happen. Hence your pregnancy.. Thank you for putting pen to paper and sharing your story...

Thank you for your comments. I don't think it's a sad story, that's the time before I emigrated, what we had to endure through others ignorance (no one had even heard of Sids prior to 1980 so I/we must have done something wrong or negligent), but that's another story.

 

[Wendy]

Sending you love and hugs Ricci, I follow all your comments on this page. Life has given you a few hard lessons and you have turned them into positives, well done, you are a good example to others.
(yes we do need a hug emoji on this page )

 

[Goodbloke]

Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

View attachment 8555

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

The loss of a child has far reaching stress factors. My first wife and I lost our first baby John at just 6 weeks to SIDS back in 1979. I remember the period in our lives vividly as so much happenned in such a short time. Ambo's, Police enquiries, funeral arrangements, the burial, the bills. Long after John was buried we still were receiving bills for the birth. The anguish came back every year to haunt me, John died on Anzac morning, so the grief of loosing a son, plus the dawn service always was a powerful time. I remember always trying to have Anzac week off as holidays over the years, that week was a time when I was at my lowest point. In 2020 I finally opened up to my 2nd wife and underwent grief counselling and psychiatric sessions, which finally stopped the cycle. Now 43 years later I can cope with Anzac Day and John's passing, since I retired in 2020 there is now no need to try to book Anzac week off any longer. Much love Goodbloke

 

[Goodbloke]

Thank you, I kept the story fairly short as I didn't want to hog the newsletter. I have a wealth of stories from that time in Perth, many hilarious, some sad but most just crazy situations with us trying to figure out how life in Australia worked! I have often been told there is a book in there somewhere but I just don't know how to go about it.
No, I have never been back to the UK, for the longest time we just simply couldn't afford it, and now that I could if I wanted to the desire just isn't there.

Start a word document, share your thoughts there, eventually you will have your book.

 

[Goodbloke]

Member Spotlight. My name is Cora, a very old-fashioned name. I am an ex-Pomm also who came here during the era of recruiting for the white Australia policy during the 6o's. My husband & I had tried to buy a house in the village where we lived but the bank took over a week to decide if we could afford to pay for it. During this week the house was sold to 5 Pakistani families who all moved into the house with an outside toilet. only one mind you. We applied for Australia the next day & were granted a place as my husband had arranged a job. Within the 6 months that it took for all the tee's to be crossed & the eyes dotted the whole street that we had hoped to buy into had been taken over by Pakistani families as there was no living in the same street as them. They made it so uncomfortable for whites to live there because of their religion & their attitude to outsiders to their faith. We now know they were fundamental Islamists. So we flew to Australia just after Easter 1965. We came to Brisbane first after 5 or 6, 8-hour hops across the world. We had to go to the Wacol hostel. At which I lost at least 10 pounds as the food was dreadful & I am extremely fussy. We both got temporary jobs& come July we drove all the way to Cairns where my husband had a job with the Cairns Fire Brigade. There were mostly ex-poms there so we had an instant family who became more than friends. My son who was 5 at the time took to the schooling & after 2 years we had our house built in a new street with a school just across the road for my son.

Hopefully with an inside toilet too

 

[Ricci]

The loss of a child has far reaching stress factors. My first wife and I lost our first baby John at just 6 weeks to SIDS back in 1979. I remember the period in our lives vividly as so much happenned in such a short time. Ambo's, Police enquiries, funeral arrangements, the burial, the bills. Long after John was buried we still were receiving bills for the birth. The anguish came back every year to haunt me, John died on Anzac morning, so the grief of loosing a son, plus the dawn service always was a powerful time. I remember always trying to have Anzac week off as holidays over the years, that week was a time when I was at my lowest point. In 2020 I finally opened up to my 2nd wife and underwent grief counselling and psychiatric sessions, which finally stopped the cycle. Now 43 years later I can cope with Anzac Day and John's passing, since I retired in 2020 there is now no need to try to book Anzac week off any longer. Much love Goodbloke

Thank you for your comments and thank you for feeling able to open up about your loss. Yes, it is an incredibly stressful time. That was the time I fell out with the Church as several refused to bury her as she hadn't been christened, she had to stay in the funeral home for an extra two weeks until they found someone to do the service at the crematorium. I haven't stepped inside a church since. Our daughter was born on my mums birthday, my mum never celebrated her birthday again for the rest of her life. I'm glad you got the help you needed and have been able to come to terms with the loss. Sending love and hugs.

 

[Ricci]

Sending you love and hugs Ricci, I follow all your comments on this page. Life has given you a few hard lessons and you have turned them into positives, well done, you are a good example to others.
(yes we do need a hug emoji on this page )

Thank you for your comments. For a long while I was broken, it took a lot of time and glue to put me back together so that now the cracks are only visible to those who really look hard! Life is to be lived, you have a choice on how you live it, I choose happiness every time and my glass is always half full if not exactly overflowing!!

 

[Zoya]

Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

View attachment 8555

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

So sorry for your loss, Ricci. Thank you for your lovely story. We too migrated from London in 1983 and struggled a bit but were very happy with whatever we had. Those were happy times. Take care dear, always love reading your posts.

 

[Zoya]

I to have lost a child, the pain does not leave you it does not matter what the circumstances are. I have adjusted to life without her but life will never be the same. I think the 80's is something a lot of people have had problems with. I am so glad you have coped and come through it as strong as you seem to be.

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Zoya]

Thank you for your comments. For a long while I was broken, it took a lot of time and glue to put me back together so that now the cracks are only visible to those who really look hard! Life is to be lived, you have a choice on how you live it, I choose happiness every time and my glass is always half full if not exactly overflowing!!

That’s a good positive attitude.

 

[Zoya]

The loss of a child has far reaching stress factors. My first wife and I lost our first baby John at just 6 weeks to SIDS back in 1979. I remember the period in our lives vividly as so much happenned in such a short time. Ambo's, Police enquiries, funeral arrangements, the burial, the bills. Long after John was buried we still were receiving bills for the birth. The anguish came back every year to haunt me, John died on Anzac morning, so the grief of loosing a son, plus the dawn service always was a powerful time. I remember always trying to have Anzac week off as holidays over the years, that week was a time when I was at my lowest point. In 2020 I finally opened up to my 2nd wife and underwent grief counselling and psychiatric sessions, which finally stopped the cycle. Now 43 years later I can cope with Anzac Day and John's passing, since I retired in 2020 there is now no need to try to book Anzac week off any longer. Much love Goodbloke

So sorry for your loss @Goodbloke. I am glad you are now ok after counselling etc. Take care.

 

[JayKay]

What a journey today.....filled with tears, love, hurt, emotions, memories!
Grief is such a personal thing, we do it in our own way, in our own time, and in the only way we know to suit ourselves.
I have felt safe to share parts of my grief with you, my Seniors family.
I only have my son to talk with, and we are in different states.
On occasions when I have tried to explain my sense of loss, so many people say things like, "Well, at least you've got your son," or
"That's all in the past, you've got to put it behind you and move forward!"
It means they don't want to know, and think it shouldn't affect me now.
After I was separated from my family....my abusive husband, my daughter and my son, I couldn't hear music or see in colour. It took years and years for colour to return to my world, and more years for music to return.
I love my daughter as an eleven year old, I don't know her as turning 40 in 4 days time.

When I was nursing, the sudden unexplained death of a baby under 1 year of age was referred to as cot death.
The term SIDS was first proposed in 1969, but it's common usage and acceptance didn't come till years after that.

 

[Zoya]

Where's the rest ? I want to hear about your move to the eastern side ?

I'm sorry for your loss, no one really understands unless they have gone through it

What a great story , Have you gone back to England ?
I see in all Ricci's post that she is a strong woman , one who I would love to sit down and have a culpa with

Me too!

 

[Zoya]

I to have lost a child, the pain does not leave you it does not matter what the circumstances are. I have adjusted to life without her but life will never be the same. I think the 80's is something a lot of people have had problems with. I am so glad you have coped and come through it as strong as you seem to be.

So sorry for your loss.

 

[Zoya]

What a journey today.....filled with tears, love, hurt, emotions, memories!
Grief is such a personal thing, we do it in our own way, in our own time, and in the only way we know to suit ourselves.
I have felt safe to share parts of my grief with you, my Seniors family.
I only have my son to talk with, and we are in different states.
On occasions when I have tried to explain my sense of loss, so many people say things like, "Well, at least you've got your son," or
"That's all in the past, you've got to put it behind you and move forward!"
It means they don't want to know, and think it shouldn't affect me now.
After I was separated from my family....my abusive husband, my daughter and my son, I couldn't hear music or see in colour. It took years and years for colour to return to my world, and more years for music to return.
I love my daughter as an eleven year old, I don't know her as turning 40 in 4 days time.

When I was nursing, the sudden unexplained death of a baby under 1 year of age was referred to as cot death.
The term SIDS was first proposed in 1969, but it's common usage and acceptance didn't come till years after that.

Glad to note the Seniors family is here for you. Sorry to hear of your grief. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Ricci]

So sorry for your loss, Ricci. Thank you for your lovely story. We too migrated from London in 1983 and struggled a bit but were very happy with whatever we had. Those were happy times. Take care dear, always love reading your posts.

Thank you for your comment. 1983 was a good year wasn't it!!