Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Where's the rest ? I want to hear about your move to the eastern side ?

I'm sorry for your loss, no one really understands unless they have gone through it

What a great story , Have you gone back to England ?
I see in all Ricci's post that she is a strong woman , one who I would love to sit down and have a culpa with

 

[Liz]

Thanks Ricci for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you are a very strong woman and I admire you. Would love to hear more of your life as Suzanne Rose said.

 

[JayKay]

Hi Ricci,
I am sitting in the Shopping centre waiting to go to Church. On Sundays, the buses only run hourly, so I'm either very early or a bit late.
Here I am, with tears rolling down my cheeks.
As a nurse, midwife, infant welfare sister and neonatal intensive care trained, your experience has moved me, and brought back so many memories from my working life.
You are a very special person, and there is a quote I'd like to include at the end which is appropriate for you.
I "lost" my 11 year-old daughter in 1994 due to domestic violence and family break-up.
She was abused by her father, but the perpetrators have so much power over their victims that the victims stand up for the perpetrators. It's called the Stockholm Syndrome. My daughter turns 40 next week, yet I don't know where she lives or who she is married to or who her children are.
I do know she works in Sydney, as she is on LinkedIn.
My pain is completely different from yours, Ricci, but it's still pain.

 

[Jen77au]

Thank you @Ricci and also @JayKay for sharing difficult moments. I’m 45. I know not of age to actually be a senior member, however my mum constantly forwarded the emails and I enjoyed reading the comments on stories and I wanted to comment so I had to join myself. I love this group and I have learned so much in the short time I have been a part of you. I have had 3 miscarriages and cannot have skinkids as I call them. But have poured my love into furbabies. I have currently two senior dogs and yesterday actually celebrated their 14th & 16th birthdays with a little pawty! My older boy is completely blind and he is a rescue. We’ve only had him three years (in February next year) but he doesn’t understand affection and love from his hoomans. But he’s getting better. The reason I’m sharing about my boys is because they are my family, my children. And having lost furbabies in the past as well as having miscarriages myself, the pain isn’t any less. I understand how much it hurts to lose a baby. @Ricci I’m so happy you are having a wonderful life in Australia. And I certainly want to hear more about your adventures as well! I find it both fascinating and encouraging to learn how others have come through their struggles and I love to laugh at the silly times and smile for you learning about your good times! Thanks again for sharing x

 

[Ricci]

Where's the rest ? I want to hear about your move to the eastern side ?

I'm sorry for your loss, no one really understands unless they have gone through it

What a great story , Have you gone back to England ?
I see in all Ricci's post that she is a strong woman , one who I would love to sit down and have a culpa with

Thank you, I kept the story fairly short as I didn't want to hog the newsletter. I have a wealth of stories from that time in Perth, many hilarious, some sad but most just crazy situations with us trying to figure out how life in Australia worked! I have often been told there is a book in there somewhere but I just don't know how to go about it.
No, I have never been back to the UK, for the longest time we just simply couldn't afford it, and now that I could if I wanted to the desire just isn't there.

 

[terri]

Hi Ricci,
I am sitting in the Shopping centre waiting to go to Church. On Sundays, the buses only run hourly, so I'm either very early or a bit late.
Here I am, with tears rolling down my cheeks.
As a nurse, midwife, infant welfare sister and neonatal intensive care trained, your experience has moved me, and brought back so many memories from my working life.
You are a very special person, and there is a quote I'd like to include at the end which is appropriate for you.
I "lost" my 11 year-old daughter in 1994 due to domestic violence and family break-up.
She was abused by her father, but the perpetrators have so much power over their victims that the victims stand up for the perpetrators. It's called the Stockholm Syndrome. My daughter turns 40 next week, yet I don't know where she lives or who she is married to or who her children are.
I do know she works in Sydney, as she is on LinkedIn.
My pain is completely different from yours, Ricci, but it's still pain.
View attachment 8817

We need a 'hug' emoji. Sometimes a hug is the cure.

 

[Ricci]

Thanks Ricci for sharing your story and I am so sorry for your loss. You sound like you are a very strong woman and I admire you. Would love to hear more of your life as Suzanne Rose said.

Thank you for your comments. I don't think of myself as particularly strong, we just figured out how to make the most out of the hand we were dealt. If enough people are interested I would happily write more.

 

[Jen77au]

Thank you, I kept the story fairly short as I didn't want to hog the newsletter. I have a wealth of stories from that time in Perth, many hilarious, some sad but most just crazy situations with us trying to figure out how life in Australia worked! I have often been told there is a book in there somewhere but I just don't know how to go about it.
No, I have never been back to the UK, for the longest time we just simply couldn't afford it, and now that I could if I wanted to the desire just isn't there.

That’s a fantastic idea! The book. Maybe another member may be able to help you out with starting off! I really hope you can do it!

 

[Ricci]

Hi Ricci,
I am sitting in the Shopping centre waiting to go to Church. On Sundays, the buses only run hourly, so I'm either very early or a bit late.
Here I am, with tears rolling down my cheeks.
As a nurse, midwife, infant welfare sister and neonatal intensive care trained, your experience has moved me, and brought back so many memories from my working life.
You are a very special person, and there is a quote I'd like to include at the end which is appropriate for you.
I "lost" my 11 year-old daughter in 1994 due to domestic violence and family break-up.
She was abused by her father, but the perpetrators have so much power over their victims that the victims stand up for the perpetrators. It's called the Stockholm Syndrome. My daughter turns 40 next week, yet I don't know where she lives or who she is married to or who her children are.
I do know she works in Sydney, as she is on LinkedIn.
My pain is completely different from yours, Ricci, but it's still pain.
View attachment 8817

Thank you for your comments. I'm sad to hear that you are estranged from your daughter, a pain that I understand all too well as my daughter left my life some six years ago, I no longer see her or her four kids which is a huge loss as they were the reason we moved to NSW.

 

[Lizzie1149]

Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

View attachment 8555

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

Such a sad beginning to what has turned out to be a wonderful life. My hubby joined the RAAF just under 2 years after we were married in 1972. We drove to Adelaide after selling a block of land and putting our meagre possessions at a friends place. We lived in caravans and flats for the next till our first son was born in 1973. Life was great even with little money. We spent 20 years as RAAF nomads, not a lot of postings, had our third child overseas. After the 20 years we settled in Brisbane and eventually ran our own business for 15 years. Now we are retired and look back on what was the best time of our lives. In recent times. we've had our share of sadness and sorrow. My hubby had a stroke and we lost our middle son in August. I feel for those who lose children no matter how old they are. We should not have to bury our children

 

[Penny4]

Thanks for your story Ricci.
It was lovely.
So happy that you ended up having two healthy babies after your heartache.
I also was married in 1980 so there you go lol

 

[Ricci]

Thank you @Ricci and also @JayKay for sharing difficult moments. I’m 45. I know not of age to actually be a senior member, however my mum constantly forwarded the emails and I enjoyed reading the comments on stories and I wanted to comment so I had to join myself. I love this group and I have learned so much in the short time I have been a part of you. I have had 3 miscarriages and cannot have skinkids as I call them. But have poured my love into furbabies. I have currently two senior dogs and yesterday actually celebrated their 14th & 16th birthdays with a little pawty! My older boy is completely blind and he is a rescue. We’ve only had him three years (in February next year) but he doesn’t understand affection and love from his hoomans. But he’s getting better. The reason I’m sharing about my boys is because they are my family, my children. And having lost furbabies in the past as well as having miscarriages myself, the pain isn’t any less. I understand how much it hurts to lose a baby. @Ricci I’m so happy you are having a wonderful life in Australia. And I certainly want to hear more about your adventures as well! I find it both fascinating and encouraging to learn how others have come through their struggles and I love to laugh at the silly times and smile for you learning about your good times! Thanks again for sharing x

Thank you for your comments. Miscarriages are a dreadful form of loss and my heart goes out to you. Furbabies are an important part of our lives, their love and understanding knows no bounds. Rescues are such special dogs, just ask my two!!

 

[Ricci]

Such a sad beginning to what has turned out to be a wonderful life. My hubby joined the RAAF just under 2 years after we were married in 1972. We drove to Adelaide after selling a block of land and putting our meagre possessions at a friends place. We lived in caravans and flats for the next till our first son was born in 1973. Life was great even with little money. We spent 20 years as RAAF nomads, not a lot of postings, had our third child overseas. After the 20 years we settled in Brisbane and eventually ran our own business for 15 years. Now we are retired and look back on what was the best time of our lives. In recent times. we've had our share of sadness and sorrow. My hubby had a stroke and we lost our middle son in August. I feel for those who lose children no matter how old they are. We should not have to bury our children

Thanks for your comments. There is a lot to be said for being nomads of one kind or another, It makes a strong partnership even stronger as there's no one else to lean on. So sorry to hear about your recent losses.

 

[Ricci]

Thanks for your story Ricci.
It was lovely.
So happy that you ended up having two healthy babies after your heartache.
I also was married in 1980 so there you go lol

Thanks for your comments. 1980 was a good vintage wasn't it!!

 

[Thecheesequeen]

Thanks to those who have shared their stories. Here‘s mine: my mother died of cancer at the age of 38, when I was 16 and my younger brothers were 14 and 8. My father died three years later, and my maternal grandmother finished bringing up the boys. In 1974 I came to Australia from Scotland with my husband and a five-months-old baby, knowing no-one except for two couples we met on the ship. Over the next few years I had two miscarriages, contracted typhoid and our house burnt down! I turned 70 two weeks ago, and I said to my gathered friends and family the same thing I always say at milestone birthdays - after those early heartbreaks the sun came out for me and I feel so blessed that I’ve reached an age my parents never reached, I’ve seen my four children grow up and now my grandchildren are enriching my life. We’ve been back to the UK a number of times, my husband’s parents (who were the best parents-in-law in the world) have made many trips here to visit us, as have other members of both our families. We’ve made a good life here and will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary next year.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Thank you, I kept the story fairly short as I didn't want to hog the newsletter. I have a wealth of stories from that time in Perth, many hilarious, some sad but most just crazy situations with us trying to figure out how life in Australia worked! I have often been told there is a book in there somewhere but I just don't know how to go about it.
No, I have never been back to the UK, for the longest time we just simply couldn't afford it, and now that I could if I wanted to the desire just isn't there.

You wouldn't be hogging it We would love to hear more. Maybe add to these post at your own time.
I would love to hear more.

It might inspire me to write in my own crazy life.

Real life can be more crazier and interesting and scarier than fiction.

Maybe it will inspire you to make it into a book.

Best way to start is exactly like you wrote here , then add more and have someone else read it and edit it

 

[Penny4]

Thanks for your comments. 1980 was a good vintage wasn't it!!

It was!

 

[Mistydolphin1]

I to have lost a child, the pain does not leave you it does not matter what the circumstances are. I have adjusted to life without her but life will never be the same. I think the 80's is something a lot of people have had problems with. I am so glad you have coped and come through it as strong as you seem to be.

 

[Ricci]

I to have lost a child, the pain does not leave you it does not matter what the circumstances are. I have adjusted to life without her but life will never be the same. I think the 80's is something a lot of people have had problems with. I am so glad you have coped and come through it as strong as you seem to be.

So sorry to hear of your loss. Our lost children occupy a special place in our hearts where the memories are taken out from time to time, looked at, cherished and put safely back till the next time.