Content warning: Child loss

Hello, members! We have another member spotlight for you today that has been so kindly shared by member @Ricci.

You’ve likely seen @Ricci on the forum as one of our most active community members. In fact, @Ricci recently celebrated her one-year SDC membership anniversary! Congratulations and thank you for being a valuable part of our community – we always look forward to your comments and emails!

Outside of being a wonderful member of the SDC, Ricci embodies strength, kindness and love. We’re lucky enough to have some background on Ricci’s life to share with you all.

That’s right, it’s time for another member spotlight! Image Credit: Shutterstock

Like most of our favourite stories, it begins with love.

‘I originally met my husband in 1977, married in 1980 and we emigrated to Australia in 1983.

‘The reason for emigrating was that we decided to become world nomads and Australia was going to be our starting point, working and travelling then working some more to get enough cash to move on.

‘We had lived in England, had bought a beautiful 4 bedroom home and set it up ready for the family that we hoped would fill it. Early in our relationship, we had a daughter that we, unfortunately, lost to SIDS when she was 3 months old. That was a very dark time.’

No parent should ever have to feel the pain of burying a child. We are so sorry for you and your husband's loss. It's often said there is no footprint too small, to leave an imprint on this world.

‘In 1982 after numerous tests the doctors told us that we would be unlikely to have more children as my body couldn’t handle the strain and my brain was convincing my body I was already approximately three months pregnant so I couldn’t actually get pregnant.

‘We sat and discussed our options and decided that if parenthood wasn’t an option for us we would travel and see the world.

‘We arrived in Perth WA on 10th March 1983, not knowing a soul, no jobs and nowhere to live. All of our possessions fit into our rucksacks but none of that mattered, we were on the cusp of a great adventure!

‘Talk about a steep learning curve, we found a rental but had nothing to put into it, we bought a bed, a tv and two easy chairs. We kitted out the kitchen with the bare necessities and were the kings of our castle!

‘Hubby found a job first and started on 1st July, we thought we had things made although my body hadn’t taken too well and was a bit upset during that period of time. I didn’t realise quite how upset it was until a trip to the chemist one Saturday when he confirmed I was pregnant! Our son was born on March 30th 1984 with his sister following the following year.

‘There was only one instance that I can think of where I got homesick, it was Christmas Day, 1983, I was six months pregnant, as big as a house, it was stinking hot and I was sat in a bath of cold water trying to cool down as we had no other means of cooling. I think I was just feeling sorry for myself really.

‘We never did get to see the rest of the world, our life and family were in Perth and we stayed there till both kids were adults with careers on the eastern seaboard.

‘I look back fondly at those early days in Perth, sure it was a struggle, not knowing the system, not having any family or friends to call on for help and having to build a complete home environment suitable for a family from scratch. We had to mend and make do for several years as we slowly built our dream and I don’t regret a minute of it.’

Thank you so much to @Ricci for sharing your story with us. It’s clear you are a woman of great strength and love.

Would you like to share yours? Please email us with ‘member spotlight’ in the subject line and we’d love to hear from you.

 

[Ricci]

Me too!

Thank you for your comment!

 

[Suzanne rose]

Thank you for your comments. I don't think it's a sad story, that's the time before I emigrated, what we had to endure through others ignorance (no one had even heard of Sids prior to 1980 so I/we must have done something wrong or negligent), but that's another story.

I had a friend who lost her baby to Sid's in 1981, I gave birth to my first son , part of me felt guilty for having a baby especially around my friend . I remember checking on him what seemed like 100 times a night that he was breathing and I did this with every single baby after him.
My friend went on to have four more children .

 

[Suzanne rose]

Thank you for your comments. I'm sad to hear that you are estranged from your daughter, a pain that I understand all too well as my daughter left my life some six years ago, I no longer see her or her four kids which is a huge loss as they were the reason we moved to NSW.

 

[Suzanne rose]

I think we have something special here, with sharing our life stories.

It's sad what we have all gone through or going through but by sharing I think it gives us strength.

We can go through dark times but we have to hold close knowing there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Part of healing is to be able to talk about it..

I'm always a great listener so anyone please feel free to message me if you need someone to talk too

 

[Suzanne rose]

I'm going to share a bit of my story.

I was born and bred in Sydney to a young girl of 13 and man who was 18. I was raised by my grandparents who had 4 kids 3 normal and my mother the rebel. My grandparents were amazing but could not control me.

I was one of those rebels who did what I wanted, I was 14 smoking pot and occasionally getting drunk.
I ended up in a girls home for a couple of months but that did nothing .
I was 14 spending my weekends at kings cross dancing my nights away.

I met my husband, got pregnant and dropped out of school.

After giving birth I changed, we changed , we were determined not to be like my parents. We worked hard to provide for our family.

I was 16 , hubby was 18 his parents were both killed in a car accident when he was 14, so we basically had each other.

We went on to have 13 children. We gave each one as much time and love as we could.

We had our ups and downs but we got through it.

I was blessed being raised by my grandparents as my father was found to be a paedophile, my parents had 4 kids then divorced , he remarried had 2 Kids, my mother married twice more and had 3 kids.

Then when my mothers husband passed away my father snuck his way back into her life and they remarried

My father raped my half sister from when she was 8 until she was 15. She called me and told me what happened . I called the police. They interviewed her infront of him and she denied it. At this time he was with her mother. I told her mother but she said her daughter was making it up

23 years later it came out that he abused two of my sisters another 1/2 sister and my sisters daughter. He was/ is a monster . My sister then pressed charges but it took close to 2 years before he was arrested.
He is serving 4 years of his 8 year sentence he is 79.

My mother is now divorcing him and promises she didn't know what he had done.

To me these people were never my parents and were not in my life.

Thank goodness my kids were never around them and my kids know exactly what my father did.

My mother wants into my life but I will never be able to value her as a mother, although I have always called her mum.

Through how they parent I have 2 sisters on heroin and an alcoholic brother

 

[Ricci]

I had a friend who lost her baby to Sid's in 1981, I gave birth to my first son , part of me felt guilty for having a baby especially around my friend . I remember checking on him what seemed like 100 times a night that he was breathing and I did this with every single baby after him.
My friend went on to have four more children .

By far and away the hardest thing I have ever done in my life is to walk out of the bedroom, pull the door to and leave my baby to sleep.

 

[Zoya]

Thank you for your comment. 1983 was a good year wasn't it!!

It sure was!

 

[Zoya]

I'm going to share a bit of my story.

I was born and bred in Sydney to a young girl of 13 and man who was 18. I was raised by my grandparents who had 4 kids 3 normal and my mother the rebel. My grandparents were amazing but could not control me.

I was one of those rebels who did what I wanted, I was 14 smoking pot and occasionally getting drunk.
I ended up in a girls home for a couple of months but that did nothing .
I was 14 spending my weekends at kings cross dancing my nights away.

I met my husband, got pregnant and dropped out of school.

After giving birth I changed, we changed , we were determined not to be like my parents. We worked hard to provide for our family.

I was 16 , hubby was 18 his parents were both killed in a car accident when he was 14, so we basically had each other.

We went on to have 13 children. We gave each one as much time and love as we could.

We had our ups and downs and nearly divorced 15 years ago but we got through it.

I was blessed being raised by my grandparents as my father was found to be a paedophile, my parents had 4 kids then divorced , he remarried had 2 Kids, my mother married twice more and had 3 kids.

Then when my mothers husband passed away my father snuck his way back into her life and they remarried

My father raped my half sister from when she was 8 until she was 15. She called me and told me what happened . I called the police. They interviewed her infront of him and she denied it. At this time he was with her mother. I told her mother but she said her daughter was making it up

23 years later it came out that he abused two of my sisters another 1/2 sister and my sisters daughter. He was/ is a monster . My sister then pressed charges but it took close to 2 years before he was arrested.
He is serving 4 years of his 8 year sentence he is 79.

My mother is now divorcing him and promises she didn't know what he had done.

To me these people were never my parents and were not in my life.

Thank goodness my kids were never around them and my kids know exactly what my father did.

My mother wants into my life but I will never be able to value her as a mother, although I have always called her mum.

Through how they parent I have 2 sisters on heroin and an alcoholic brother

Thank you for your sad story. Good thing is you have changed your life around for the better now. Well done.

 

[Ricci]

I'm going to share a bit of my story.

I was born and bred in Sydney to a young girl of 13 and man who was 18. I was raised by my grandparents who had 4 kids 3 normal and my mother the rebel. My grandparents were amazing but could not control me.

I was one of those rebels who did what I wanted, I was 14 smoking pot and occasionally getting drunk.
I ended up in a girls home for a couple of months but that did nothing .
I was 14 spending my weekends at kings cross dancing my nights away.

I met my husband, got pregnant and dropped out of school.

After giving birth I changed, we changed , we were determined not to be like my parents. We worked hard to provide for our family.

I was 16 , hubby was 18 his parents were both killed in a car accident when he was 14, so we basically had each other.

We went on to have 13 children. We gave each one as much time and love as we could.

We had our ups and downs and nearly divorced 15 years ago but we got through it.

I was blessed being raised by my grandparents as my father was found to be a paedophile, my parents had 4 kids then divorced , he remarried had 2 Kids, my mother married twice more and had 3 kids.

Then when my mothers husband passed away my father snuck his way back into her life and they remarried

My father raped my half sister from when she was 8 until she was 15. She called me and told me what happened . I called the police. They interviewed her infront of him and she denied it. At this time he was with her mother. I told her mother but she said her daughter was making it up

23 years later it came out that he abused two of my sisters another 1/2 sister and my sisters daughter. He was/ is a monster . My sister then pressed charges but it took close to 2 years before he was arrested.
He is serving 4 years of his 8 year sentence he is 79.

My mother is now divorcing him and promises she didn't know what he had done.

To me these people were never my parents and were not in my life.

Thank goodness my kids were never around them and my kids know exactly what my father did.

My mother wants into my life but I will never be able to value her as a mother, although I have always called her mum.

Through how they parent I have 2 sisters on heroin and an alcoholic brother

Neither your parents or your family has to define who you are, we are all a product of our own destiny. We work hard to be the best version of the person we wish to be, regardless of our starting point. Thank you for sharing your story, it must have been a difficult decision and I take my hat off to you. Take care and give your family an extra special hug!

 

[JustPat]

Ricci thank you for your story and like others would like to know more of your life.

 

[Ricci]

Ricci thank you for your story and like others would like to know more of your life.

Thank you for your comment. I can see I'm going to have to put pen to paper or should I say fingers to keyboard!

 

[Levi]

That’s a fantastic idea! The book. Maybe another member may be able to help you out with starting off! I really hope you can do it!

I also have had a very sad And busy. Life and m thoughts go out you you Ricki

 

[Ricci]

I also have had a very sad And busy. Life and m thoughts go out you you Ricki

Thank you for your comments.

 

[Defiant540]

Member Spotlight: Ricci (Part 2) - Becoming an Australian!

Due to popular demand, we have a part two to member @Ricci’s story! If you missed part one, don’t worry, you can catch up here. Buckle in and grab a cuppa, it’s time to hear all about Ricci’s first few months in Australia! Without further ado, here’s part two of Ricci’s member spotlight...

seniorsdiscountclub.com.au

Where's the rest ? I want to hear about your move to the eastern side ?

I'm sorry for your loss, no one really understands unless they have gone through it

What a great story , Have you gone back to England ?
I see in all Ricci's post that she is a strong woman , one who I would love to sit down and have a culpa with

 

[Groovy]

Thanks for sharing you story In coming to Australia, Rici.
your beginning in this Country, sounds like mine too. It was just my husband, two children, turning 4 and 2, no friends, no family, no money, no work. Just the suitcases with our clothes. We arrived in Sydney and enter into a migrant hostel on November 1982. Two days after we asked to go to QLD and were sent into another migrant hostel in Brisbane.
Hubby had to find work and the only place he got it was Mount Isa. I stayed in the hostel with my children until he organised things for us to join him. 3 months after we were in Isa living in a caravan park. From then on, things started to improve and we end up staying for nearly 2 years, until the same company that my husband worked for, had work in Brisbane and we moved back again and have since stayed. We love Australia and now in our retirement years we moved to Hervey Bay. A big move from a big city but it’s just what we needed to have a calm and relaxing life.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I can’t even imagine the pain you and hubby had

 

[Ricci]

Thanks for sharing you story In coming to Australia, Rici.
your beginning in this Country, sounds like mine too. It was just my husband, two children, turning 4 and 2, no friends, no family, no money, no work. Just the suitcases with our clothes. We arrived in Sydney and enter into a migrant hostel on November 1982. Two days after we asked to go to QLD and were sent into another migrant hostel in Brisbane.
Hubby had to find work and the only place he got it was Mount Isa. I stayed in the hostel with my children until he organised things for us to join him. 3 months after we were in Isa living in a caravan park. From then on, things started to improve and we end up staying for nearly 2 years, until the same company that my husband worked for, had work in Brisbane and we moved back again and have since stayed. We love Australia and now in our retirement years we moved to Hervey Bay. A big move from a big city but it’s just what we needed to have a calm and relaxing life.
So sorry to hear about the loss of your baby. I can’t even imagine the pain you and hubby had

Thank you for your comments. You were lucky, we never had the luxury (?) of a migrant hostel, we had to find our own accommodation and fend for ourselves from day 1.

 

[Groovy]

Thank you for your comments. You were lucky, we never had the luxury (?) of a migrant hostel, we had to find our own accommodation and fend for ourselves from day 1.

The hostel was an old military barracks and sometimes during the night big cockroaches were crawling on our bodies It was no luxury, not even close it was just a roof over us, with some beds