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Woman says to the Dentist I do not know which is worst having a tooth out or having a baby, Dentist says make up your mind as I have to alter the position of the chair
A White Horse walks into a bar. The barman says to the horse, "We serve a whiskey here named after you!" The horse replies "What ERROL!"
Harry, being drunk, had to walk through a cemetery to get home late one night. Being dark, he failed to see a new grave having been dug right in the middle of his short cut.
He fell in and, after recovering from the initial shock of the fall, began scrabbling and the vertical 2 m high walls of the grave site.
A second drunk, also in the grave having suffered the same fate, then commented in a low voice, "You'll never get out!"
Harry did!
He fell in and, after recovering from the initial shock of the fall, began scrabbling and the vertical 2 m high walls of the grave site.
A second drunk, also in the grave having suffered the same fate, then commented in a low voice, "You'll never get out!"
Harry did!
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?
He won the “no-bell” prize.
Batman and Superman were talking at a Super heroes party, when Superman asks Batman where the toilet was located.
"You go down the hall, turn right and it's on your left" replies Batman.
So Superman goes down the hallway but doesn't return.
A few days later Batman runs into Superman and asks him what happened to him at the party after he left for the toilet.
"Well" said Superman, "I followed your instructions and went down the hall and turned right, but then something happened. I could hear a woman moaning and groaning in one of the rooms.
I used my x-ray vision and could see Wonder Woman writhing and groaning on a bed, naked".
"So what did you do?" asked Batman.
"I did what any super hero would do, I broke down the door, ripped my clothes off and jumped on top", replied Superman.
"I bet she got a surprise", said Batman.
To which Superman replied, "Not as big a surprise as the Invisible Man".
"You go down the hall, turn right and it's on your left" replies Batman.
So Superman goes down the hallway but doesn't return.
A few days later Batman runs into Superman and asks him what happened to him at the party after he left for the toilet.
"Well" said Superman, "I followed your instructions and went down the hall and turned right, but then something happened. I could hear a woman moaning and groaning in one of the rooms.
I used my x-ray vision and could see Wonder Woman writhing and groaning on a bed, naked".
"So what did you do?" asked Batman.
"I did what any super hero would do, I broke down the door, ripped my clothes off and jumped on top", replied Superman.
"I bet she got a surprise", said Batman.
To which Superman replied, "Not as big a surprise as the Invisible Man".
Arti worked in a grocery store
One day two men each wanted to buy a cauliflower at $3:00 but only wanted to pay $2:00
Arti told them the cauliflowers were $3:00 not $2:00
The men argued about the price and the argument got very heated to the point where it broke out into a fight.
Arti, by this time, has had enough and his temper got the better of him. He grabs the first one by the throat and strangles the life out of him.
He then grabs the other man and does the same to him.
Next day the store was packed with shoppers.
They had read the morning paper with headlines
ARTI CHOKES 2 FOR $1:00
One day two men each wanted to buy a cauliflower at $3:00 but only wanted to pay $2:00
Arti told them the cauliflowers were $3:00 not $2:00
The men argued about the price and the argument got very heated to the point where it broke out into a fight.
Arti, by this time, has had enough and his temper got the better of him. He grabs the first one by the throat and strangles the life out of him.
He then grabs the other man and does the same to him.
Next day the store was packed with shoppers.
They had read the morning paper with headlines
ARTI CHOKES 2 FOR $1:00
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THE RECTUM STRETCHER
A woman was speeding when she was stopped by a policeman parked behind a bridge and using a speedgun.
When he approached her car asked the woman why she was speeding, she answered that she was late for work.
"And what do you do for work?" he asked
The woman replied "I'm a Rectum Stretcher"
"Oh" he said, "I've never heard of that, so what does a Rectum Stretcher actually do?"
"Well" she said, "People come in with an anal problem, and I fix the problem for them"
"How do you do that?" he asked
"First I insert a finger in the rectum and move it around to slightly loosen the rectum, then I insert another finger and then another and another, all the time stretching the rectum a little more. Eventually I can put one hand in and stretch it open further, then my other hand is inserted and I can stretch and stretch the rectum until it is about 2 metres wide"
"Oh WOW!" the policeman says. "And what, madam, would you do with a six foot arsehole?"
"Apparently" she says. " You put him in uniform, give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge"
A woman was speeding when she was stopped by a policeman parked behind a bridge and using a speedgun.
When he approached her car asked the woman why she was speeding, she answered that she was late for work.
"And what do you do for work?" he asked
The woman replied "I'm a Rectum Stretcher"
"Oh" he said, "I've never heard of that, so what does a Rectum Stretcher actually do?"
"Well" she said, "People come in with an anal problem, and I fix the problem for them"
"How do you do that?" he asked
"First I insert a finger in the rectum and move it around to slightly loosen the rectum, then I insert another finger and then another and another, all the time stretching the rectum a little more. Eventually I can put one hand in and stretch it open further, then my other hand is inserted and I can stretch and stretch the rectum until it is about 2 metres wide"
"Oh WOW!" the policeman says. "And what, madam, would you do with a six foot arsehole?"
"Apparently" she says. " You put him in uniform, give him a radar gun and hide him behind a bridge"
four nuns in a car and as they drive off from the convent it runs out of petrol.
well, nearby is a petrol station, so the nuns walk back to the convent to get something to carry some petrol in.
they couldn't find any suitable containers so they grabbed some bedbottles.
they go to the petrol station and fill the bedbottles with petrol and take back to the car
as they get back to the car there's two drunks standing on the footpath
upon watching the nuns emptying the bedbottles into the petrol tank.
one drunk says to the other
"if that works I'm changing my religion"
well, nearby is a petrol station, so the nuns walk back to the convent to get something to carry some petrol in.
they couldn't find any suitable containers so they grabbed some bedbottles.
they go to the petrol station and fill the bedbottles with petrol and take back to the car
as they get back to the car there's two drunks standing on the footpath
upon watching the nuns emptying the bedbottles into the petrol tank.
one drunk says to the other
"if that works I'm changing my religion"
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Why do the police have big ears?
Because noddy won’t pay the ransom!
Because noddy won’t pay the ransom!
There was once a woman who was married to a man who would make extremely loud and disgusting farts every morning as soon as he woke up. Every time he did so, the woman was disgusted and told him, "One of these days, you're going to fart your guts out!"
One morning the woman got up early to cook a turkey for a party they were hosting that night. As she looked down at the turkey's guts and entrails that she had just removed, she got a Mischievous little idea...
The woman took the turkey entrails and guts and walked upstairs to her bedroom, where her husband was still sleeping. She carefully pulled down his shorts and placed the turkey guts inside them. She smiled and went back downstairs to finish her work.
A few minutes later, she heard her husband wake up with his usual "Sonic-Boom" fart, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream. She laughed as she heard him run into the bathroom.
A short while later, he came down to the kitchen still panting from the scare. She tried to hold back a smile as she asked him what was the matter.
This was his reply: "Honey, you were right! - You said one of these days I was gonna fart my guts out, and it happened! But, by the grace of God and these two fingers was able to get most of them back in."
One morning the woman got up early to cook a turkey for a party they were hosting that night. As she looked down at the turkey's guts and entrails that she had just removed, she got a Mischievous little idea...
The woman took the turkey entrails and guts and walked upstairs to her bedroom, where her husband was still sleeping. She carefully pulled down his shorts and placed the turkey guts inside them. She smiled and went back downstairs to finish her work.
A few minutes later, she heard her husband wake up with his usual "Sonic-Boom" fart, immediately followed by a blood-curdling scream. She laughed as she heard him run into the bathroom.
A short while later, he came down to the kitchen still panting from the scare. She tried to hold back a smile as she asked him what was the matter.
This was his reply: "Honey, you were right! - You said one of these days I was gonna fart my guts out, and it happened! But, by the grace of God and these two fingers was able to get most of them back in."
A man goes into a bakery shop and asks for a bum, the lady saids you mean a bun don’t you, yea yea give me my bum. He then goes to the hardware and asks for a fucket, oh you mean a bucket don’t you, yea yea give me my fucket. He then proceeds to a poultry farm and asks for a cock and pullet the lady saids you mean a hen and rooster don’t you, yea yea give me my cock and pullet. Well on his way home his hen and rooster jump out of his arms, he sees a guy nearby and asks him to hold his bum and fuck it while I chase my cock and pull it.
A man enters a bakery shop and asks for a bum, the shop keeper saids you mean a bun don’t you sir, yea yea give me my bum. He then enters a hardware store and asks for a fucket, the shopkeeper said you mean a bucket don’t you sir, yea yea give me my fucket. He then enters a poultry farm and asks for a cock and pullet, well on the man’s way home his cock and pullet get away, he sees a man nearby and saids to him can you hold my bum and fucket while I chase my cock and pullet.
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