[Jonathan Leane]

Grandparents: should you charge your kids for looking after your grandkids?​

As childcare fees continue to soar, more and more families are turning to grandparents for help in looking after their children. But with this help comes an age-old debate: should the kids pay their parents for their services?

The issue of grandparents charging for their services has been brought to the forefront in recent weeks, after a Mum from a Mothers' group revealed that her parents were asking for a fee to look after her kids.

This sparked a passionate debate amongst Reddit users, with many offering their own perspectives on the issue.

One user commented that they had an agreement in place with their mother, whereby they paid her $50 a day two to three days a week to save on childcare costs.

'It meant the kids got to spend time with grandma, she got some spending money that didn't affect her pension and we got to keep a little more of our wages,' they wrote.

Another user shared their experience of watching a sister 'abuse the generosity' of their mother, who had provided free childcare for her three children over a decade.

'I don't think it's an awful suggestion to charge a fee', they said.

However, other users argued that the fee should be dependent on the situation: if the grandparents are offering a few hours of care a week and are living off their pension, then a fee could be reasonable.

On the other hand, if the grandparents were providing full-time care and are financially comfortable, then it may not be necessary.

Of course, there is also the option for the parents to pay for outings, or to send a gift or two to show their appreciation for the help their grandparents are providing.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pay or not should be down to the individual family. Whether you're a grandparent or a parent, it's always important to remember that the welfare of the children should come first.

What's your opinion? Should grandparents be paid for looking after their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments.

 

[Tripper]

Forty years ago when our son was born my wonderful Mum offered to look after him when I needed to return to work. Of course I paid her. However the love, care and generosity she gave our son was PRICELESS. The security I had knowing that our arrangement was equitable enabled me to trust her care totally. Those first two years were wonderful and only changed when we found out their would be no more children for us.
In turn, when our beautiful Mum needed our help and care there was no hesitation. Family is to be treasured and valued.

 

[Wendy3060]

I’m happy to spend time with my grandkids and would help out. Financially stable or not if it was a daycare issue the parents should contribute, their parents have already paid the costs in raising kids, it should be their time. We can only get a commonwealth seniors health card, hubby gets a WA seniors card( nit if much benefit regionally) he got that at 60 I now have to wait till 65, the cost of raising feeding a kid is big $$ so if you want daycare via grandparents then yes pay a fee( we currently are raising our paternal grandchild 15 , private school because the system failed her , our choice but there’s limited support, she’s improving that’s what’s important. I’d do the same for my daughters boys if needed

 

[Ellabella]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

 

[judethe obscure]

We were able to care for our grandkids when they were babies until they went to school. We were offered payment but wouldn't dream of taking it as I felt it was a privilege to be able to care for them. The fact that our children that we made all the mistakes with, trusted us to care for their precious children was special. It was so much fun (tiring, yes but lots of things that are fun are tiring) and we have so many special memories. They are growing up now but we still have a special relationship with them.

 

[IJH]

I cared for my grandkids from the time they were 3 months old on all weekdays - it never occurred to me to charge my kids for their care. Now that we are pensioners, I do occasionally wonder if my kids really understood what it was I did for them!

 

[maryfern33]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

I fully understand your sadness as we too feel like disposable commodities. Never took a cent for looking after our grandson but now we are shut out of their life. We too live on a pension but want nothing from anyone except to be recognised for the love and care we have always, always taken of our grandson. Now there are some trumped up stories and we have to live with this ingratitude. But never mind, the good always follows the bad. The flowers will eventually shine through.

 

[maggiej]

I helped out when our son was killed. I had the two grandchildren before and after school then took them to dance classes etc. I never expected payment but when I said I did not want the dogs as well it all changed. We went on holiday and when we came back we did not have the children any more and very rarely see them now and they only live quite close. Never received any thanks.

 

[DrivingGirl]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

It’s a great hurt and I feel your pain

 

[Macarj]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

I'm just speachless

 

[Tristeagan]

Firstly, I don't believe anyone should feel obligated to care for their grandchildren. I will happily take them if it an emergency situation or a special occasion but definitely not as a carer. I have 5 children and 21 grandchildren so if I do it for one I would be expected to do it for all.
Secondly, it is your child's responsibility to provide care for their own children. That responsibility includes paying for childcare if they cannot provide it themselves, whether it is to a registered childcare provider or to a relative.
Thirdly, the more you allow them to take advantage of you, the more they will do it and the less they will appreciate you. If they have to pay you they will remember what you did for them. "I had to pay you to look after your own grandchild" is better than "You never did anything for me".

 

[Jennie]

Firstly, I don't believe anyone should feel obligated to care for their grandchildren. I will happily take them if it an emergency situation or a special occasion but definitely not as a carer. I have 5 children and 21 grandchildren so if I do it for one I would be expected to do it for all.
Secondly, it is your child's responsibility to provide care for their own children. That responsibility includes paying for childcare if they cannot provide it themselves, whether it is to a registered childcare provider or to a relative.
Thirdly, the more you allow them to take advantage of you, the more they will do it and the less they will appreciate you. If they have to pay you they will remember what you did for them. "I had to pay you to look after your own grandchild" is better than "You never did anything for me".

I agree with that totally. Glad there is someone who thinks like me. We did our time with our children, who start again. It may seem harsh, I wouldn't hesitate in an emergency or a death, that's a different story.

 

[Tripper]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

My sister is in a similar situation. She has not had contact for at least 8 years. Until last you she still sent birthday gifts etc. She hurts as there was never an explanation. Easy to say let it go but we all know the reality.

I helped out when our son was killed. I had the two grandchildren before and after school then took them to dance classes etc. I never expected payment but when I said I did not want the dogs as well it all changed. We went on holiday and when we came back we did not have the children any more and very rarely see them now and they only live quite close. Never received any thanks.

So cruel and thoughtless. My friend has the same experience. She has to beg to see her grandchild.

 

[Shane/#]

Grandparents: should you charge your kids for looking after your grandkids?​

As childcare fees continue to soar, more and more families are turning to grandparents for help in looking after their children. But with this help comes an age-old debate: should the kids pay their parents for their services?

The issue of grandparents charging for their services has been brought to the forefront in recent weeks, after a Mum from a Mothers' group revealed that her parents were asking for a fee to look after her kids.

This sparked a passionate debate amongst Reddit users, with many offering their own perspectives on the issue.

One user commented that they had an agreement in place with their mother, whereby they paid her $50 a day two to three days a week to save on childcare costs.

'It meant the kids got to spend time with grandma, she got some spending money that didn't affect her pension and we got to keep a little more of our wages,' they wrote.

Another user shared their experience of watching a sister 'abuse the generosity' of their mother, who had provided free childcare for her three children over a decade.

'I don't think it's an awful suggestion to charge a fee', they said.

However, other users argued that the fee should be dependent on the situation: if the grandparents are offering a few hours of care a week and are living off their pension, then a fee could be reasonable.

On the other hand, if the grandparents were providing full-time care and are financially comfortable, then it may not be necessary.

Of course, there is also the option for the parents to pay for outings, or to send a gift or two to show their appreciation for the help their grandparents are providing.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pay or not should be down to the individual family. Whether you're a grandparent or a parent, it's always important to remember that the welfare of the children should come first.

What's your opinion? Should grandparents be paid for looking after their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments.

Fill them up with red cordial and lollies and send them home

 

[dthramergearon]

Don't have kids if you can't afford to look after them yourselves. It's unfair to expect grandparent to give up their golden years looking after your kids so that you can save on childcare. Sure offer to step in if there is an emergency but if you are putting in more than a day a week then you should be recompensed. After all they have the peace of mind that their little darlings are safe with someone they can trust to look out for their best interests - that's priceless. If you want t to give back then at the end of the year take some of the money you earned and plan a family trip on gra dma and grandpa. That would probably ease things and everyone would have lovely memories to look back on.

 

[PepeLePew]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

I feel your pain. Although I didn't work full time, when my 19 1/2yr old daughter gave birth to twin girls
in the later half of 2008 to the guy she had been dating for nearly 4 yrs and he walked out 6mths after they were born, my daughter decided that the party life was more suited to her life than being a full time mum. So for the next 10 yrs I raised my granddaughters without any comprehension from her and the odd stay over at her place. When my youngest child turned 16 and I had to go to work, I opened a home based daycare so I could continue to look after the twins. Even after slipping a disc & pinching a nerve in my back, then having emergency gall bladder removal she still expected me to look after them. When they turned 10 she decided it was time to step up and take responsibility for her offspring and told them they were never going to see me again. This lasted until her then BF beat into her and she came crying home. Stayed 3mths, found her own place and again told them they would never see me again. This didn't last as she came to realise that her daughters were drifting into depression due to not having contact with me. Now she works full time and rather than let the girls come to my home during the school holidays, they have to stay inside a small apartment 24/7 and if I want to see them I have to make arrangements with her to go and spend a day with them but very rarely am I allowed to take them out anywhere.
My older daughter cut off all contact with me during Covid lockdown without an explanation so I haven't seen her 2 children since then. Wasn't even invited to the grandson's 21st last yr. I was a huge part of their lives until they started High School and then she started stopping contact and it has now escalated to no visitation from her or the grandkids.
On the upside, my 2 youngest grandsons spend every school holidays with me. They also lived here during Covid lockdown so it's not all bad.

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

 

[margaretritchie48]

I had only one son but was grateful for any help I was given, His father and I earned very little.
I could only help at weekends with my first grand child. But with the second as I did not work I was able to help where I could. I am due to be a great grandmother in March and will help where I can. if you are able to help, you do. Parents should not expect that their parents should help but if you love your family you do.

 

[Kawi]

Grandparents: should you charge your kids for looking after your grandkids?​

As childcare fees continue to soar, more and more families are turning to grandparents for help in looking after their children. But with this help comes an age-old debate: should the kids pay their parents for their services?

The issue of grandparents charging for their services has been brought to the forefront in recent weeks, after a Mum from a Mothers' group revealed that her parents were asking for a fee to look after her kids.

This sparked a passionate debate amongst Reddit users, with many offering their own perspectives on the issue.

One user commented that they had an agreement in place with their mother, whereby they paid her $50 a day two to three days a week to save on childcare costs.

'It meant the kids got to spend time with grandma, she got some spending money that didn't affect her pension and we got to keep a little more of our wages,' they wrote.

Another user shared their experience of watching a sister 'abuse the generosity' of their mother, who had provided free childcare for her three children over a decade.

'I don't think it's an awful suggestion to charge a fee', they said.

However, other users argued that the fee should be dependent on the situation: if the grandparents are offering a few hours of care a week and are living off their pension, then a fee could be reasonable.

On the other hand, if the grandparents were providing full-time care and are financially comfortable, then it may not be necessary.

Of course, there is also the option for the parents to pay for outings, or to send a gift or two to show their appreciation for the help their grandparents are providing.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pay or not should be down to the individual family. Whether you're a grandparent or a parent, it's always important to remember that the welfare of the children should come first.

What's your opinion? Should grandparents be paid for looking after their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments.

 

[Kawi]

I volunteered to care for my two step grandkids a few days a week until they were school age. Bc I did it for nothing their parents were able to send them to a private school when they turned 5. I got a lot of joy out of looking after them as well as knowing I had given them a great start in life.

 

[judethe obscure]

We got to care for our grandchildren before they started school and sometimes picking them up from school. To me it was a delight and a special privilege. I couldn't have taken money for it but it depends on your circumstances I guess.