[Jonathan Leane]

Grandparents: should you charge your kids for looking after your grandkids?​

As childcare fees continue to soar, more and more families are turning to grandparents for help in looking after their children. But with this help comes an age-old debate: should the kids pay their parents for their services?

The issue of grandparents charging for their services has been brought to the forefront in recent weeks, after a Mum from a Mothers' group revealed that her parents were asking for a fee to look after her kids.

This sparked a passionate debate amongst Reddit users, with many offering their own perspectives on the issue.

One user commented that they had an agreement in place with their mother, whereby they paid her $50 a day two to three days a week to save on childcare costs.

'It meant the kids got to spend time with grandma, she got some spending money that didn't affect her pension and we got to keep a little more of our wages,' they wrote.

Another user shared their experience of watching a sister 'abuse the generosity' of their mother, who had provided free childcare for her three children over a decade.

'I don't think it's an awful suggestion to charge a fee', they said.

However, other users argued that the fee should be dependent on the situation: if the grandparents are offering a few hours of care a week and are living off their pension, then a fee could be reasonable.

On the other hand, if the grandparents were providing full-time care and are financially comfortable, then it may not be necessary.

Of course, there is also the option for the parents to pay for outings, or to send a gift or two to show their appreciation for the help their grandparents are providing.

Ultimately, the decision of whether to pay or not should be down to the individual family. Whether you're a grandparent or a parent, it's always important to remember that the welfare of the children should come first.

What's your opinion? Should grandparents be paid for looking after their grandchildren? Let us know in the comments.

 

[DrivingGirl]

I’ve worked FT, yet for many many years, cared for the grandchildren on weekdays after work and weekends. I remember once getting ( from dil) a bunch of wilted flowers from the supermarket and a small packet of sushi which had been reduced as it was closing (as reported by the grandchild). I accepted that as had no choice as son did nothing. I helped with the gardening, cleaning, cooking, and paid for groceries, nappies etc etc. but my greatest hurt is that I’m treated like I no longer exist as the children are grown and I’m retired and struggling to live on the pension. I’m not allowed to see the grandchildren and I still don’t know why. I loved and enjoyed looking after the grandchildren but I struggle to understand why some people have selected memories and have no gratitude or love and caring for their aged parent.

That is such a sad story and all too common these days. I really feel for you and know a a little of your pain. You don’t deserve this treatment!
On the upside, you know you did the right thing when you were needed and are a good soul - blessings!

 

[DrivingGirl]

I feel your pain. Although I didn't work full time, when my 19 1/2yr old daughter gave birth to twin girls
in the later half of 2008 to the guy she had been dating for nearly 4 yrs and he walked out 6mths after they were born, my daughter decided that the party life was more suited to her life than being a full time mum. So for the next 10 yrs I raised my granddaughters without any comprehension from her and the odd stay over at her place. When my youngest child turned 16 and I had to go to work, I opened a home based daycare so I could continue to look after the twins. Even after slipping a disc & pinching a nerve in my back, then having emergency gall bladder removal she still expected me to look after them. When they turned 10 she decided it was time to step up and take responsibility for her offspring and told them they were never going to see me again. This lasted until her then BF beat into her and she came crying home. Stayed 3mths, found her own place and again told them they would never see me again. This didn't last as she came to realise that her daughters were drifting into depression due to not having contact with me. Now she works full time and rather than let the girls come to my home during the school holidays, they have to stay inside a small apartment 24/7 and if I want to see them I have to make arrangements with her to go and spend a day with them but very rarely am I allowed to take them out anywhere.
My older daughter cut off all contact with me during Covid lockdown without an explanation so I haven't seen her 2 children since then. Wasn't even invited to the grandson's 21st last yr. I was a huge part of their lives until they started High School and then she started stopping contact and it has now escalated to no visitation from her or the grandkids.
On the upside, my 2 youngest grandsons spend every school holidays with me. They also lived here during Covid lockdown so it's not all bad.

Unbelievable! I know how much that hurts!

 

[Kawi]

I feel your pain. Although I didn't work full time, when my 19 1/2yr old daughter gave birth to twin girls
in the later half of 2008 to the guy she had been dating for nearly 4 yrs and he walked out 6mths after they were born, my daughter decided that the party life was more suited to her life than being a full time mum. So for the next 10 yrs I raised my granddaughters without any comprehension from her and the odd stay over at her place. When my youngest child turned 16 and I had to go to work, I opened a home based daycare so I could continue to look after the twins. Even after slipping a disc & pinching a nerve in my back, then having emergency gall bladder removal she still expected me to look after them. When they turned 10 she decided it was time to step up and take responsibility for her offspring and told them they were never going to see me again. This lasted until her then BF beat into her and she came crying home. Stayed 3mths, found her own place and again told them they would never see me again. This didn't last as she came to realise that her daughters were drifting into depression due to not having contact with me. Now she works full time and rather than let the girls come to my home during the school holidays, they have to stay inside a small apartment 24/7 and if I want to see them I have to make arrangements with her to go and spend a day with them but very rarely am I allowed to take them out anywhere.
My older daughter cut off all contact with me during Covid lockdown without an explanation so I haven't seen her 2 children since then. Wasn't even invited to the grandson's 21st last yr. I was a huge part of their lives until they started High School and then she started stopping contact and it has now escalated to no visitation from her or the grandkids.
On the upside, my 2 youngest grandsons spend every school holidays with me. They also lived here during Covid lockdown so it's not all bad.

Children never forget who was good to them. I hope one day they return to you

 

[Suzanne rose]

So many sad stories .
We occasionally look after our 3 granddaughter's or another granddaughter.
I would never charge them , we look at its helping our daughters .
I wouldn't however do it on a regular basis with 13 kids and 19 grandchildren it could get a bit out if hand. And what you do fir one you have to do for the other.

My daughters help each other out

 

[February]

I minded my grandkids when needed, depending on my sons shift, they (2) slept over our house and we took them to school and sometimes we picked them up from school. I was thrilled to look after them. No charge.

 

[judethe obscure]

I only have 5 grandchildren and I had retired, so it was possible for me to mind my grandchildren. I felt it was a great privilege to care for them as I was more experienced than when I raised their fathers. They were all different and delightful and I enjoyed it so much.