[Sean Camara]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

 

[DrChip]

If he was only your father, no don't go, 30 years is too long.
But if he was your Dad then yes you should go, there is a diffrence.
My father was an a*hole just biological. My dad was a great man I still live my life to his values

 

[Kimrus]

I would stay away. I did when my father passed in 2018. I have never regretted it.
I was the eldest of 3 daughters. I live on the other side of Australia. I had been summoned to go east to persuade our parents to go into care. Being the eldest I had to fire the bullets. There was never any love loss between us or my siblings. My mother had put paid to that in her own manipulative way. I went, my sisters seemed so nice but what it really was, to give me a false impression. I was expected to do the dirty work. Both sisters lived closer, saw our parents all the time but never had decency to share any of this with my own family. Deed done, I fired the bullets and got our parents into care almost immediately. You see I know the way through the health system and what had to be done first. The only problem then, became their home had to sorted, cleaned out and sold. No sisters to help, I did it all on my own and house was sold before the walls dried from being scrubbed.
I said my goodbyes and told the family I would be back in 6 weeks. Well 4 weeks later, I turn on Facebook to read my niece had announced on Facebook her grandfather died the previous evening and she was with him. I was floored. You see that morning I was about to organise flights for all my family to visit as a surprise. I was numb. My sisters couldn’t even have told me he was in hospital let alone tell me he died. I rang a sister and her reaction was well funeral will be tomorrow.
I refused to go and my own family were mortified about the way we were told.
Mum died 12 months later, I got a phone call telling me, but her funeral had already been held.
I haven’t spoken to any sisters or nieces since. Do I regret it, NO

 

[Luckyus]

There are no circumstances that would cause a father to deny his children for so long, although not knowing the circumstance of this matter I would personally stay away Or perhaps go to the boozer and have a quiet drink and r3eflect on a life without a father. Or if she is still alive go and spend the time with your Mother.

 

[JayKay]

This is stirring the memories.
My father left my Mum, brother, sister and me when I was tiny, although the memories are painful.
A year before I married, my brother contacted my father out of curiosity. My father requested to see my sister and me, but we refused. We knew it would hurt Mum too much, and I was still living at home.
Two months before my wedding, my father died.
Mum read it in the paper.
The day of his funeral, I went off to work, as normal
When I got home, I learned that my Mum, brother and sister had gone to the funeral.
It hurt me terribly.....they'd all been except me.
They saw the aunts and uncles and cousins, they have memories, whereas I have zilch.
I would prefer to regret that I went rather than regretting I didn't go.
Of course.....it's all very personal, and you have to do what is right for yourself, at the time you are making decisions.

 

[Jonathan Leane]

@DrChip great comment, spot on...

 

[Carwill]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

My daughter abandoned me 14.5 years ago now. To this day I still don’t know why.
It took me around 10years to stop looking for her face in the crowd,street,city shops or anywhere crowds gather. It took me years to stop looking out the window to see if it was her car pulling up outside. She had also moved home so we didn’t know where she had moved to. Christmas and birthday came and went. Her 30th then 40th , my 60th, my husbands 60th & 65th, our 40th Wedding Anniversary. We now know she has 3 children all without my husband and I.
We may not know what we did wrong towards her as we always believed we had the perfect daughter. Her children don’t have a grandad on our daughters partners side so they miss out on not having a relationship with us and having a grandad. It breaks my heart. But I’ve become stronger now and I have no problem in saying, “if she doesn’t want to now me when I’m alive then I don’t want her at my funeral.” I still love her with all my heart and long for that knock on the door, I don’t think that will ever happen though. My husband has a medical condition, she knows about it as it was diagnosed years ago and I feel she’s been selfish denying us knowing our grandchildren. There has been times when we thought he would loose his battle but he pulled through. We haven’t any family just each other with our son in the Fleet Air Arm in the U.K.
Well my point here is only you have walked in your shoes so you and you alone have to make up your own mind and be able to live with your decision.

 

[JayKay]

My daughter abandoned me 14.5 years ago now. To this day I still don’t know why.
It took me around 10years to stop looking for her face in the crowd,street,city shops or anywhere crowds gather. It took me years to stop looking out the window to see if it was her car pulling up outside. She had also moved home so we didn’t know where she had moved to. Christmas and birthday came and went. Her 30th then 40th , my 60th, my husbands 60th & 65th, our 40th Wedding Anniversary. We now know she has 3 children all without my husband and I.
We may not know what we did wrong towards her as we always believed we had the perfect daughter. Her children don’t have a grandad on our daughters partners side so they miss out on not having a relationship with us and having a grandad. It breaks my heart. But I’ve become stronger now and I have no problem in saying, “if she doesn’t want to now me when I’m alive then I don’t want her at my funeral.” I still love her with all my heart and long for that knock on the door, I don’t think that will ever happen though. My husband has a medical condition, she knows about it as it was diagnosed years ago and I feel she’s been selfish denying us knowing our grandchildren. There has been times when we thought he would loose his battle but he pulled through. We haven’t any family just each other with our son in the Fleet Air Arm in the U.K.
Well my point here is only you have walked in your shoes so you and you alone have to make up your own mind and be able to live with your decision.

Oh dear, here I go again.
Due to domestic violence, my family split and I haven't lived with my daughter since she was 11.
She lives in another state, but I know not where.
I understand she is married and has maybe 2 children, but I don't know anything more than that. She has cut her brother out, too. All because of lies, and she is too afraid of her father to make contact with me. She turns 40 this year.
I haven't touched her since 1994.
Life deals up so much unexpected horror, but we can only live one day at a time.
One day, I believe we all have to face our Maker.

 

[Dot]

You can select your friends but not your family. I am estranged from my only sister and both of my dearly loved brothers have passed away both of whom were also estranged from her.. I have instructed my husband and both children that if I pre decease my sister (which is highly likely) and she turns up at my funeral she is to be told to leave and my funeral is not to start until she does. That may shock many but they don't know the true extent of my reason and I find no reason to enlighten them. My husband and children know the reason and that is all that matters to me. To each his own I say and that man must come to his own decision in regard to his father. He does not need to be in attendance to say goodbye but by attending he may find a lot of answers that he needs. Hard decision to make but I wish him strength.

 

[Thecla]

damned if you do and damned if you don't..................

 

[Zed49!]

damned if you do and damned if you don't..................

If you feel this strong about it I would not go. Perhaps see or talk to your Grandmother and Uncle after the funeral

 

[merrilyn]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

When my sister and her husband die I will not attend. When my partner's father dies we will not attend. They are all nasty narcissists and have done everything in their power to make our lives miserable.

 

[Ricci]

I have already made my wishes known to my son. I have requested no service and an unaccompanied cremation. I have left it to my son to do as he wishes on the day, maybe take a minute or two for reflection. That way my daughter who is estranged from me never has to feel guilty for not attending a funeral. Also, I can't see the point of spending all that money on a funeral when my family is effectively reduced to just my son and his partner.

 

[Juan's]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

My husband was in the exact same predicament. and my eldest son wanted to go to his grandfather's funeral as he was doing family history. We talked my husband into going. I don't think he's regretted it. There was no wake either. We travelled two and a half hours to get there.

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

 

[Juan's]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

 

[Kaps7332]

Totally agree with his decision. Attending would be hypocritical...

 

[DrivingGirl]

I would stay away. I did when my father passed in 2018. I have never regretted it.
I was the eldest of 3 daughters. I live on the other side of Australia. I had been summoned to go east to persuade our parents to go into care. Being the eldest I had to fire the bullets. There was never any love loss between us or my siblings. My mother had put paid to that in her own manipulative way. I went, my sisters seemed so nice but what it really was, to give me a false impression. I was expected to do the dirty work. Both sisters lived closer, saw our parents all the time but never had decency to share any of this with my own family. Deed done, I fired the bullets and got our parents into care almost immediately. You see I know the way through the health system and what had to be done first. The only problem then, became their home had to sorted, cleaned out and sold. No sisters to help, I did it all on my own and house was sold before the walls dried from being scrubbed.
I said my goodbyes and told the family I would be back in 6 weeks. Well 4 weeks later, I turn on Facebook to read my niece had announced on Facebook her grandfather died the previous evening and she was with him. I was floored. You see that morning I was about to organise flights for all my family to visit as a surprise. I was numb. My sisters couldn’t even have told me he was in hospital let alone tell me he died. I rang a sister and her reaction was well funeral will be tomorrow.
I refused to go and my own family were mortified about the way we were told.
Mum died 12 months later, I got a phone call telling me, but her funeral had already been held.
I haven’t spoken to any sisters or nieces since. Do I regret it, NO

That’s so sad and disillusioning for you, I am so sorry you had to go through that, I had a similarly manipulative Mother but now we are older my sister and I are close. You did the right thing - we have to learn to say no to people who undermine and tear us down.

 

[Evol P]

This is why I hate funerals - they are so fake. I know plenty of people who go to funerals who haven't had anything to do with the deceased for years then they are regaled with "sorry for your loss" "if I can help you with anything" (knowing full well they won't).

 

[leanneh]

OH DEAR! Yet another case of someone airing their private business on social media and therefore leaving themselves open to all sorts of comments not all good from complete strangers.
It is my personal opinion that you have left it all too late. You should have made a move many years ago to try to settle the rift. It's no good leaving it to the other party. It may never happen as you've discovered. A bridge over a rift must be built from both sides but someone has to take the responsibilty of starting that building. My parents have always taught me that "you should never let the sun go done on a conflict". It has always worked for us and I know how suddenly and unexpectedly you can lose a loved one. Always let them know how you feel before it's too late.

 

[BabsL]

I think attend - show you are a better person. My father hated me and enjoyed brutally beating me every chance every day frm aged 4 yrs old.
I did not want to be there, but I went to his funeral. It showed I was better than his opinion of me.