Sexless and happy: why this 59-year-old woman never wants to have sex again

‘At 59 years old, I do not want to have sex again. I am SO done.’

Monica Zwolsman is a woman with a message she wants the world to hear: She is over sex, and she hates being made to feel like she’s different because of it.

‘I do not care if I am no longer f**kable,’ she stressed.


The long road to her epiphany started when she had her second son. After giving birth, she noticed her libido disappeared.

Monica looked for answers online, and what she found had her blood boiling.

‘I asked Google if women my age still wanted sex, and the medical sites came back at me, suggesting there is something wrong with my body, and I need to take hormones and have therapy.’ she said.

‘There was a lot of talk about atrophied vaginas and dry, thin walls, which made my own private parts clench in horror.‘


aifhiahf.png
Monica Zwolsman is done with sex at 59 years old. Credit: Mammamia


The search results left Monica questioning her worth.

‘Does it mean I am less of a woman if I say I have closed the downstairs playroom?’ she asked.

It also didn’t help that some websites told her to look at sex as an exercise.

‘(It’s) horrible to start with, but once done, you feel great.’ she remembered it saying.

‘Really? Last time I tried it I was irritated because I was missing the start of a new season on Doc Martin and my hot chocolate went cold.’

Everything Monica read indicated she was lacking because it was ‘healthy’ and ‘natural’ for a woman to want sex, regardless of age.

‘I am not stressed. I am happy. I have lots of time. I am in perfect health. But I just don’t want to be that damn intimate with anyone.’ she said.


It’s not like Monica, who tragically has been widowed twice, has never liked sex.

But for her, it was always more of an emotional experience.

‘I have been deeply in love a few times in my life and sharing our bodies was a further way of bonding our minds.’ she said.

‘But for me, the thrill was in being desired, of being thought sexy… The actual poke-and-thrust, sweat, and grunting — yeah, not so much.’

Now entering her twilight years, Monica can’t help but wonder why everyone, men, in particular, couldn’t understand and accept that she wants to live without sex for the rest of her life.

‘I reckon when we have kids, we no longer want sex. Our libido dies because that is what nature intended.’ she asserted.


ezgif.com-gif-maker (1).png
For Monica, sex was always more about emotions rather than physical contact. Stock Image Credit: Pexels/Pixabay


‘There are millions of “older” women out there who do not give a toss about having a sex life. Seriously, there can't be many 55-plus women who really want to have sex, and are still titillated by lusty thoughts?’

‘Although I am sure there are some who just go through the motions for the sake of keeping a husband or long-term partner happy.’

Monica is also thankful her sex-free approach to life has found many kindred spirits among her friends.

‘My “no thank you” to sex resonated with many married women eager to hunt down and throttle scientists who thought Viagra was a good idea.’ she said.

‘Us older women were just so relieved to not have that onerous duty to endure, even though it meant we had to forsake possibilities of companionship and affection.’


Make no mistake though. If you’re a woman late in age enjoying sex, Monica has no quarrel with you.

‘Big congratulations to the women who found love later in life and are enjoying (yes, they assure me that this is the word) a resurgence of their libido and having the best sex of their lives.’ she said.

‘I must take their word that they have not mistaken their desire for sex for their love of being loved, just like others have to believe me when I tell them the thought of sex at this life stage repulses me.’

And as for the years to come, Monica has a plan in mind, along with one condition.

‘When I get older, I plan to live in a commune with all my heart sisters where we will care for each other in old age, share company, and enjoy our retirement years with adventures and good times — but no sex, thank you.’


Key Takeaways

  • 59-year-old Monica Zwolsman is done with sex.
  • She dislikes how women are seemingly shamed for not having strong desires for sex.
  • At one point after looking for answers online, Monica admitted to questioning her worth as a woman having a low sex drive.
  • But eventually she realised she was fine --- she just doesn't want to be sexually intimate with anyone anymore.
  • Monica also bears no grudges against sexually active older women, and said she hopes their pleasure comes from a genuine place.
If you have time, you might like a similar story from comedian and presenter Julia Morris.

You may also like to read about a Sexologist busting myths surrounding sex and ageing.

So, what is your reaction to Monica’s story?

Tell us your thoughts and opinions below!
 
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‘At 59 years old, I do not want to have sex again. I am SO done.’

Monica Zwolsman is a woman with a message she wants the world to hear: She is over sex, and she hates being made to feel like she’s different because of it.

‘I do not care if I am no longer f**kable,’ she stressed.


The long road to her epiphany started when she had her second son. After giving birth, she noticed her libido disappeared.

Monica looked for answers online, and what she found had her blood boiling.

‘I asked Google if women my age still wanted sex, and the medical sites came back at me, suggesting there is something wrong with my body, and I need to take hormones and have therapy.’ she said.

‘There was a lot of talk about atrophied vaginas and dry, thin walls, which made my own private parts clench in horror.‘


View attachment 9379
Monica Zwolsman is done with sex at 59 years old. Credit: Mammamia


The search results left Monica questioning her worth.

‘Does it mean I am less of a woman if I say I have closed the downstairs playroom?’ she asked.

It also didn’t help that some websites told her to look at sex as an exercise.

‘(It’s) horrible to start with, but once done, you feel great.’ she remembered it saying.

‘Really? Last time I tried it I was irritated because I was missing the start of a new season on Doc Martin and my hot chocolate went cold.’

Everything Monica read indicated she was lacking because it was ‘healthy’ and ‘natural’ for a woman to want sex, regardless of age.

‘I am not stressed. I am happy. I have lots of time. I am in perfect health. But I just don’t want to be that damn intimate with anyone.’ she said.


It’s not like Monica, who tragically has been widowed twice, has never liked sex.

But for her, it was always more of an emotional experience.

‘I have been deeply in love a few times in my life and sharing our bodies was a further way of bonding our minds.’ she said.

‘But for me, the thrill was in being desired, of being thought sexy… The actual poke-and-thrust, sweat, and grunting — yeah, not so much.’

Now entering her twilight years, Monica can’t help but wonder why everyone, men, in particular, couldn’t understand and accept that she wants to live without sex for the rest of her life.

‘I reckon when we have kids, we no longer want sex. Our libido dies because that is what nature intended.’ she asserted.


View attachment 9380
For Monica, sex was always more about emotions rather than physical contact. Stock Image Credit: Pexels/Pixabay


‘There are millions of “older” women out there who do not give a toss about having a sex life. Seriously, there can't be many 55-plus women who really want to have sex, and are still titillated by lusty thoughts?’

‘Although I am sure there are some who just go through the motions for the sake of keeping a husband or long-term partner happy.’

Monica is also thankful her sex-free approach to life has found many kindred spirits among her friends.

‘My “no thank you” to sex resonated with many married women eager to hunt down and throttle scientists who thought Viagra was a good idea.’ she said.

‘Us older women were just so relieved to not have that onerous duty to endure, even though it meant we had to forsake possibilities of companionship and affection.’


Make no mistake though. If you’re a woman late in age enjoying sex, Monica has no quarrel with you.

‘Big congratulations to the women who found love later in life and are enjoying (yes, they assure me that this is the word) a resurgence of their libido and having the best sex of their lives.’ she said.

‘I must take their word that they have not mistaken their desire for sex for their love of being loved, just like others have to believe me when I tell them the thought of sex at this life stage repulses me.’

And as for the years to come, Monica has a plan in mind, along with one condition.

‘When I get older, I plan to live in a commune with all my heart sisters where we will care for each other in old age, share company, and enjoy our retirement years with adventures and good times — but no sex, thank you.’


Key Takeaways

  • 59-year-old Monica Zwolsman is done with sex.
  • She dislikes how women are seemingly shamed for not having strong desires for sex.
  • At one point after looking for answers online, Monica admitted to questioning her worth as a woman having a low sex drive.
  • But eventually she realised she was fine --- she just doesn't want to be sexually intimate with anyone anymore.
  • Monica also bears no grudges against sexually active older women, and said she hopes their pleasure comes from a genuine place.
If you have time, you might like a similar story from comedian and presenter Julia Morris.

You may also like to read about a Sexologist busting myths surrounding sex and ageing.

So, what is your reaction to Monica’s story?

Tell us your thoughts and opinions below!
Asbolutely agree. I remember reading a quote that said men trade love for sex, and women trade sex for love. I haven't had sex in more than 15 years, and have no desire to again. I'm 62. No bad experiences, just not interested. Prefer good friends to lovers.
 
It makes me wonder if she suffered post natal depression after giving birth.
There are women who absolutely hate sex , some of those have underlying problems .

Sex is a natural thing that should be enjoyed by both partners.

I was someone who made sure I gave my husband my time. Was I tired after having kids ? Yes But I also knew if I wanted to keep our marriage strong then we needed this time together . At least once a week while kids were young.

Teenage years we did it many times aday

20s And 30s peak of our kids so maybe once or twice aweek

40s it was like we were teenagers again

Early 50s similar to our 40s

Late 50s and now early 60s not that we don't want to do it but health issues are really not allowing it.

I've taught my kids that sex is something beautiful between two consenting adults.
I've told my sons to respect their partner and I've told my daughters to keep the spark alive and to introduce new ideas into the bedroom.
People should be able to have sex, or not, without anyone making any comments. Whether you’re 80 or 18, it’s what you choose.
 
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It makes me wonder if she suffered post natal depression after giving birth.
There are women who absolutely hate sex , some of those have underlying problems .

Sex is a natural thing that should be enjoyed by both partners.

I was someone who made sure I gave my husband my time. Was I tired after having kids ? Yes But I also knew if I wanted to keep our marriage strong then we needed this time together . At least once a week while kids were young.

Teenage years we did it many times aday

20s And 30s peak of our kids so maybe once or twice aweek

40s it was like we were teenagers again

Early 50s similar to our 40s

Late 50s and now early 60s not that we don't want to do it but health issues are really not allowing it.

I've taught my kids that sex is something beautiful between two consenting adults.
I've told my sons to respect their partner and I've told my daughters to keep the spark alive and to introduce new ideas into the bedroom.
Love your response & how you have managed your own intimate life so very well & your wonderful positive guidance that you gave your children.
 
‘I must take their word that they have not mistaken their desire for sex for their love of being loved, just like others have to believe me when I tell them the thought of sex at this life stage repulses me.’

Wow! I get it that she, for whatever reason, does not want sex, Fine, that's her choice. That senior sex "repulses" her, I personally don't give a damn, I am 76 and enjoy fantastic sex with my partner, so "repulse" as much as you want dearie!
You are one of the lucky girls Trudi!
 
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Asbolutely agree. I remember reading a quote that said men trade love for sex, and women trade sex for love. I haven't had sex in more than 15 years, and have no desire to again. I'm 62. No bad experiences, just not interested. Prefer good friends to lovers.
Thats a very sad quote isn't it.

True love on both sides is a heavenly experience and intimacy and sex is the natural flow-on for a loving relationship.

Those who are 'trading' sex for love & vice versa are not truly happy or deeply satisified.
 
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I believe that you have hit the nail on the head there!

It is all about how the two individuals interact, and how they care for one anothers wellbeing. I once heard it said that if the focus in the sexual performance between a man and a woman is focussed on the womans satisfaction then both will be very satisfied.
 
Each to their own. I have a medical condition that makes sex difficult and painful, I wish it wasn't so but as I can't change it have to put up with it. Luckily there are still several ways of expressing love and having a loving relationship, even if I do occasionally feel like I'm letting the side down. :(
You are doing your best under the circumstances and thats all you can do! Sorry to hear that having sex is difficult and painful for you. Hope you have consulted with a Pain Management Specialist, also there are professionally trained sexologists out there too,who may be able to offer some helpful advice.
Yes I agree that there are many ways of expressing love.
 
...."Now entering her twilight years,..." for goodness sake she's only in her 50's! To Me twilight years are when you are 85 ++

The best part of an relationship is the boyfriend/girlfriend stage - thats the romancing stage - when both parties look forward to each others company and doing things together. Marriage, families, children , life - spoils all romances and leads only to obligatory sex.

I strongly believe, you can be an attrative, beautiful independant woman having many friends (M/F) and yet not need to have sex with them.
I guess some feel older than others in their 50's .Perhaps they also will have a shorter life span too. One never knows.

Obligatory sex does not sound like fun at all! Sad the romance isn't nurtured to keep the flame alive; though I guess for some that flame dies for one reason or another.

True about having many friends and that they do not have to be sexual.
 
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I have always had male & female mates all my life! I have truly great male & female friends lasting for many decades and ongoing. Never once has an issue about sex entered any of these relationships. We have each either had our own intimate relationships with our own partners or been happily single.
This theory about men & women not being able to be mates without sexual attraction I believe is total nonsense!
 
I've just remembered a lady at work used to say that she'd prefer a cup of tea to having sex.
This was before I was married.
Having been married to a sexual deviant certainly changed my perception and experience of a "loving" relationship.
I imagine being married to a sexual deviant would certainly affect your perspective on marraige. It certainly could not be anywhere near to a deeply loving relationship.
Sorry that you had to endure that experience.
 
At only a young 61 and widow for the last 5 years I agree with Monica. Why do we feel like we MUST still have sex if we get into a relationship with someone. I have been married twice and the last married lasted 36 yrs - both of us stop needing sex as a way of saying I LOVE YOU years before as there were so many other ways we show each other how we felt. Yes, I would like to start dating other men but what stops me is the dreaded thought they may want sex and that is something I no longer want. There is nothing wrong with my body or mind medically - I just don't want sex. I'd rather someone who wants company than something physical.
You are entitled to having what you want from a relationship & I hope you find a man who wants the same as you do. If you are both honest and open about your needs then you will find your perfect man.
 
‘At 59 years old, I do not want to have sex again. I am SO done.’

Monica Zwolsman is a woman with a message she wants the world to hear: She is over sex, and she hates being made to feel like she’s different because of it.

‘I do not care if I am no longer f**kable,’ she stressed.


The long road to her epiphany started when she had her second son. After giving birth, she noticed her libido disappeared.

Monica looked for answers online, and what she found had her blood boiling.

‘I asked Google if women my age still wanted sex, and the medical sites came back at me, suggesting there is something wrong with my body, and I need to take hormones and have therapy.’ she said.

‘There was a lot of talk about atrophied vaginas and dry, thin walls, which made my own private parts clench in horror.‘


View attachment 9379
Monica Zwolsman is done with sex at 59 years old. Credit: Mammamia


The search results left Monica questioning her worth.

‘Does it mean I am less of a woman if I say I have closed the downstairs playroom?’ she asked.

It also didn’t help that some websites told her to look at sex as an exercise.

‘(It’s) horrible to start with, but once done, you feel great.’ she remembered it saying.

‘Really? Last time I tried it I was irritated because I was missing the start of a new season on Doc Martin and my hot chocolate went cold.’

Everything Monica read indicated she was lacking because it was ‘healthy’ and ‘natural’ for a woman to want sex, regardless of age.

‘I am not stressed. I am happy. I have lots of time. I am in perfect health. But I just don’t want to be that damn intimate with anyone.’ she said.


It’s not like Monica, who tragically has been widowed twice, has never liked sex.

But for her, it was always more of an emotional experience.

‘I have been deeply in love a few times in my life and sharing our bodies was a further way of bonding our minds.’ she said.

‘But for me, the thrill was in being desired, of being thought sexy… The actual poke-and-thrust, sweat, and grunting — yeah, not so much.’

Now entering her twilight years, Monica can’t help but wonder why everyone, men, in particular, couldn’t understand and accept that she wants to live without sex for the rest of her life.

‘I reckon when we have kids, we no longer want sex. Our libido dies because that is what nature intended.’ she asserted.


View attachment 9380
For Monica, sex was always more about emotions rather than physical contact. Stock Image Credit: Pexels/Pixabay


‘There are millions of “older” women out there who do not give a toss about having a sex life. Seriously, there can't be many 55-plus women who really want to have sex, and are still titillated by lusty thoughts?’

‘Although I am sure there are some who just go through the motions for the sake of keeping a husband or long-term partner happy.’

Monica is also thankful her sex-free approach to life has found many kindred spirits among her friends.

‘My “no thank you” to sex resonated with many married women eager to hunt down and throttle scientists who thought Viagra was a good idea.’ she said.

‘Us older women were just so relieved to not have that onerous duty to endure, even though it meant we had to forsake possibilities of companionship and affection.’


Make no mistake though. If you’re a woman late in age enjoying sex, Monica has no quarrel with you.

‘Big congratulations to the women who found love later in life and are enjoying (yes, they assure me that this is the word) a resurgence of their libido and having the best sex of their lives.’ she said.

‘I must take their word that they have not mistaken their desire for sex for their love of being loved, just like others have to believe me when I tell them the thought of sex at this life stage repulses me.’

And as for the years to come, Monica has a plan in mind, along with one condition.

‘When I get older, I plan to live in a commune with all my heart sisters where we will care for each other in old age, share company, and enjoy our retirement years with adventures and good times — but no sex, thank you.’


Key Takeaways

  • 59-year-old Monica Zwolsman is done with sex.
  • She dislikes how women are seemingly shamed for not having strong desires for sex.
  • At one point after looking for answers online, Monica admitted to questioning her worth as a woman having a low sex drive.
  • But eventually she realised she was fine --- she just doesn't want to be sexually intimate with anyone anymore.
  • Monica also bears no grudges against sexually active older women, and said she hopes their pleasure comes from a genuine place.
If you have time, you might like a similar story from comedian and presenter Julia Morris.

You may also like to read about a Sexologist busting myths surrounding sex and ageing.

So, what is your reaction to Monica’s story?

Tell us your thoughts and opinions below!
It happened to me after having a Triple A surgery in 2004. I was told by the surgeon that losing my libido was possible and about 6 years later it was all gone, no skin of my nose as it is what it is and I dont care... no more chasing or bloody headaches to worry about and god help any woman wanting to accuse me of rape.... LOL
 
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Very happy doing without it since I was about 50 - i'm 61 now (menopause was probably the killer)! But also having had several failed relationships/marriages & 2 of those ending in me having to pay out over $200,000 in property settlements I'm not prepared to risk a roll in the hay now anyway as I simply cannot afford another mistake & the debt that has come wit it in the past. I want to quit working & retire some day (& would've been able to about 5-10yrs ago if I hadn't taken a chance on another doomed relationship.
So no thanks, flying solo is so much better than the financial & other stress that males seem to tend to bring to my life! Cheaper living alone & much happier thankyou!
 
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