In many ways, being a parent to an adopted child is no different from parenting a biological child. After all, whether they are adopted or not, children have the same needs – a safe, nurturing home and a loving, supportive family.

But being a parent to an adopted child is also a special and unique experience that comes with its own struggles and merits. More so if the parents do not share the same race, culture, and language with their child.

With today’s families being more diverse than ever, transracial adoption is becoming increasingly more common.

If you’re not familiar with the term, transracial or interracial adoption refers to any adoption in which the child is of a different race than the adoptive parents.

Here, the mum of a five-year-old adopted boy from South Korea shares with us her adoption story.

Credit: Honey Nine.​

Before she and her husband decided to adopt their Korean son, there were waves of questions flooding Lisa Pagotto’s mind.

Had they looked at schools in the area? Which one would their Korean-born son best fit into culturally? Were they prepared to be stared at and witness people whispering, looking at the white couple with the Asian child in shopping centres?

Were they prepared for the questions that were to come from curious onlookers and those that have never been touched by the world of adoption?

The child was less than two years old when Lisa and her husband brought him home to Australia – into a new country, a new world, a new life.

And while Lisa admitted that you can never be prepared enough to become good parents, she thankfully learned on the fly when she became the adopted mother of her child.

“It may sound small-minded, but with adoption being such a mysterious and unspoken part of many people's lives, not a lot of people really know what is appropriate or not to say,” says Lisa, recalling the questions and looks she received from people who are not familiar with the procedure.

So, the mum took it as her responsibility to share information and to educate those who have not been exposed to the world of adoption.

“Being the parent of an adopted child has challenges that biological families do not face,” she says.

And while people may think that the child is “lucky” to be adopted into a loving home such as Lisa’s, this is actually not the case.

She shares her son’s life story: “Before he was two, he was given up by his birth mother, spent his first six months in a welfare nursery before being placed into a foster family and then flown across the world to restart his life in a foreign land, with a new language and once again, new parents.”

“Everything in his world had been taken away including his citizenship. He didn't ask for any of this.”

While people may mean no malice when they say that the child is lucky to have been adopted, Lisa wants people to know that the real lucky ones are the parents.

“Whilst he is the happiest, most beautiful soul you could ever meet, he did not ask for such upheaval and change in his life at such a young and vulnerable age.”

“He is not lucky, I am.”

Credit: Honey Nine.​

School life is not any easier either. For Lisa, being a mum to an ethnic child is a whole experience that is beautiful, yet frightening at the same time.

She recalls an incident from two years ago.

“At a preschool birthday party, the first party [my son] was ever invited to, a Korean lady came over to me and asked if my son was Korean,” recalled Lisa.

She remembers responding “yes” and asking the lady to say a few words to him in Korean, to which she did.

“This was a beautiful moment for me, watching my son understand what was being said to him.”

However, this heartwarming moment was disrupted when another mum asked her: “Are you telling me that you actively chose to take a child from their home country and bring him here away from everything common to him simply because you wanted a child?”

With her child in earshot, Lisa was left dumbfounded, standing there in silence. But thankfully, she found the courage to respond with: “Yes I did. I chose to give my son a better life.”

Credit: Honey Nine.​

Lisa’s experience may not summarise the collective experience of all adoptive parents, but what she wants people to know is that curiosity is not always harmless.

“All of these comments, questions and quizzical looks are not lost on the child,” she says.

“An adopted child will go through many stages of being confused with their identity and just that extra mindful step of how you address an adoptive parent can go a long way.”

This story warms our hearts, and it looks like the whole family is better for it. Congratulations Lisa!

 

[Ricci]

As and adoptee, albeit not a biracial one I can attest that life can be difficult enough without thoughtless (and often hurtful) comments from friends and strangers alike. Although it's often just a case of opening their mouths before engaging their brains, to be on the receiving end is soul destroying and so unnecessary.

Whilst I admire this family for so warmly accepting this little boy into their home, I hope they have a strong support network behind them as life will not be all plain sailing.

 

[JayKay]

Brings to my mind the film 'Lion', with Nicole Kidman as the adoptive Mum of a little boy from India. This film portrays the value of returning to the little person's place of birth...shows how deep the roots go.
Maybe, creating opportunities for this little boy to retain his Korean mother tongue might assist him to remain connected to his homeland, yet live and love his life in Australia, and thrive.
God bless this little family as they face each new struggle with strength and determination and wisdom.

 

[WADuck]

As a parent of an adoptive child same nationality I can say over the past 60 years we have found no difficulty ever. The child was told of the adoption as a baby and no secrets ever and we have have wonderful grand children and now two great grand children.

 

[Carwill]

Mum shares her adoption story: “He’s not lucky, I am.”​

In many ways, being a parent to an adopted child is no different from parenting a biological child. After all, whether they are adopted or not, children have the same needs – a safe, nurturing home and a loving, supportive family.

But being a parent to an adopted child is also a special and unique experience that comes with its own struggles and merits. More so if the parents do not share the same race, culture, and language with their child.

With today’s families being more diverse than ever, transracial adoption is becoming increasingly more common.

If you’re not familiar with the term, transracial or interracial adoption refers to any adoption in which the child is of a different race than the adoptive parents.

Here, the mum of a five-year-old adopted boy from South Korea shares with us her adoption story.

Credit: Honey Nine.​

Before she and her husband decided to adopt their Korean son, there were waves of questions flooding Lisa Pagotto’s mind.

Had they looked at schools in the area? Which one would their Korean-born son best fit into culturally? Were they prepared to be stared at and witness people whispering, looking at the white couple with the Asian child in shopping centres?

Were they prepared for the questions that were to come from curious onlookers and those that have never been touched by the world of adoption?

The child was less than two years old when Lisa and her husband brought him home to Australia – into a new country, a new world, a new life.

And while Lisa admitted that you can never be prepared enough to become good parents, she thankfully learned on the fly when she became the adopted mother of her child.

“It may sound small-minded, but with adoption being such a mysterious and unspoken part of many people's lives, not a lot of people really know what is appropriate or not to say,” says Lisa, recalling the questions and looks she received from people who are not familiar with the procedure.

So, the mum took it as her responsibility to share information and to educate those who have not been exposed to the world of adoption.

“Being the parent of an adopted child has challenges that biological families do not face,” she says.

And while people may think that the child is “lucky” to be adopted into a loving home such as Lisa’s, this is actually not the case.

She shares her son’s life story: “Before he was two, he was given up by his birth mother, spent his first six months in a welfare nursery before being placed into a foster family and then flown across the world to restart his life in a foreign land, with a new language and once again, new parents.”

“Everything in his world had been taken away including his citizenship. He didn't ask for any of this.”

While people may mean no malice when they say that the child is lucky to have been adopted, Lisa wants people to know that the real lucky ones are the parents.

“Whilst he is the happiest, most beautiful soul you could ever meet, he did not ask for such upheaval and change in his life at such a young and vulnerable age.”

“He is not lucky, I am.”

Credit: Honey Nine.​

School life is not any easier either. For Lisa, being a mum to an ethnic child is a whole experience that is beautiful, yet frightening at the same time.

She recalls an incident from two years ago.

“At a preschool birthday party, the first party [my son] was ever invited to, a Korean lady came over to me and asked if my son was Korean,” recalled Lisa.

She remembers responding “yes” and asking the lady to say a few words to him in Korean, to which she did.

“This was a beautiful moment for me, watching my son understand what was being said to him.”

However, this heartwarming moment was disrupted when another mum asked her: “Are you telling me that you actively chose to take a child from their home country and bring him here away from everything common to him simply because you wanted a child?”

With her child in earshot, Lisa was left dumbfounded, standing there in silence. But thankfully, she found the courage to respond with: “Yes I did. I chose to give my son a better life.”

Credit: Honey Nine.​

Lisa’s experience may not summarise the collective experience of all adoptive parents, but what she wants people to know is that curiosity is not always harmless.

“All of these comments, questions and quizzical looks are not lost on the child,” she says.

“An adopted child will go through many stages of being confused with their identity and just that extra mindful step of how you address an adoptive parent can go a long way.”

This story warms our hearts, and it looks like the whole family is better for it. Congratulations Lisa!

My daughter in-law, 5’5” blonde blue eyes and her older sister 6’6” black hair dark brown eyes, from separate birth mothers, couldn’t be more different than their adopted mum. All had challenges growing up and dealing with the struggle and challenges adoption brings. Not only for the children but mum and dad too. They’ve turned out to be as level headed girls.
No different to my children. Nobody has the right to question or judge if they haven’t walked in your shoes.

Manners maketh man. Love conquers all.
Giving a child a happy loving home, warmth and protection, is the spirit.
Adopting parents are wonderful no matter where they find their future children.
Teach them well so they can learn.

 

[Groovy]

Some people are so cruel!! I can’t understand how someone could say such negative thing to a mother………either a biologic mother or adopting mother!! Some praise and love goes a long way

 

[steffizinc]

Yes, adopted ethnic children experience many difficulties. I like that this mother highlights her happiness, not her son's happiness. She wanted an Asian kid. Such a decision to take the boy from Korea sounded like a whim. I understand white parents who adopt Asian or African American kids in America. But why did this couple conduct an experiment on a Korean kid? I adopted my son when he was already 8 years old. He's Asian. But I know he's not Korean or Chinese. Most likely, he's a child from Central Asia by nationality. He never spoke his own language, so I think his parents had already abandoned him in America. We found him and adopted him through fosterplus.org.