Man faces EXTREME backlash after secretly donating SEMEN to his best friend behind wife’s back - “I feel utterly horrible for the wife.”
- Replies 17
We all know that no one has a picture-perfect relationship. Those types of stories only exist in fairytales, as real ones inevitably have ups and downs. However, not all ‘red flags’ are equal… Some issues pose a bigger threat than others and when it happens, it wouldn’t hurt to seek advice from people who can see the situation from an outsider's perspective.
And that’s exactly what one user did through a Reddit thread. A 30-year-old British woman explained that she was asexual and had decided to have a child via IVF.
Luckily, her 31 year old married friend generously offered to donate his sperm. Except maybe it’s not exactly as promising as it seems… because he didn’t let his wife know. And thanks to his ‘donation’, she was now pregnant with twins.
She found out about the mishap when she thanked the couple for ‘doing this for (her)’ and the man’s wife reacted negatively – because it was the first she’d heard about it. The mother-to-be mentioned in her Reddit post that she never imagined her friend wouldn’t tell his wife.
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She wondered if she was ‘the a**hole’ in the situation for carelessly assuming that the wife already knew about it, admitting she felt naive and that the circumstance now felt ‘weird’.
“My best friend since high school found out about my plan and how I was looking for a donor. He offered to be the sperm donor as I’d at least know his medical history including any possible risks attached,” she wrote.
“I agreed but made it very clear that he wouldn’t have a parental role in the child’s life, at most he’d be an honorary ‘uncle’ due to our friendship.”
“He happily agreed to this and it never once occurred to me that he would offer this without running the plan by his wife first.”
“I recently took my friend and his wife out to dinner to thank them for doing this for me and celebrate being in the third trimester but his wife was confused. When I explained the reason for the dinner, she got angry, demanding to know why we kept this from her.”
“I was just as shocked and asked my friend if he hadn’t told his wife. He tried to explain to both of us that he hadn’t thought it wouldn’t matter as he has no rights to them at all.”
“His wife got even angrier at that part, stating she wasn’t comfortable with their son (six years old) having siblings that aren’t really his siblings. She added that she wants that part changed so that her husband has a legal say over the girls.”
“I was in shock over this but said I wouldn’t be doing that as I wanted to raise them alone. The three of us got into a huge argument and his wife demanded to know why I didn’t tell her that her husband had offered this in the first place.”
“I feel very guilty for not checking with his wife first, but it honestly never occurred to me that he wouldn’t have done that first. So I thought if he was offering, she had to have already given the go signal.”
“I don’t know what to do,” she concluded.
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The majority of Reddit users reassured the woman that she wasn’t in the wrong. Most of them argued that the husband was responsible for communicating with his wife first before even deciding to proceed with the plan.
“You’re not the a**hole. Your friend is the major a**hole here. I understand the wife getting upset about this, her husband definitely should’ve talked this over with her before offering to be a donor.” one user wrote.
“Oh dear, I can not imagine if my husband just casually fathered someone else’s child without mentioning it to me.” another added.
“This isn't your fight, it wasn't your responsibility to discuss this with his wife, it was his. I would refuse to engage with her about it, to be honest, just say that you assumed he discussed it with her first, and you are sorry but the fact he didn't really isn't on you.” suggested a third.
But a fourth raised a slight concern, saying: “Your sperm donor is the a**hole. It was his responsibility more than yours to tell her about it. Although, I do find it odd that you got this far in the process without mentioning it to her at all.”
To which the lady responded: “I don't really hang out with her and they live in another city so I don't go out of my way to meet up with her – especially as we don't have much in common. She did congratulate me on social media on the pregnancy but I didn't know she wasn't aware.”
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Other users also thought that the woman wasn’t completely blameless either.
“She failed to do her full due diligence. She’s not a monster or anything for it, he’s still THE a**hole, but she didn’t ask one of the most basic and most important questions in this scenario and contributed to violating his wife’s trust as a result. You don’t have to intend to be an a**hole to engage in some form of a**hole behaviour.” argued one person.
“This situation is a MESSY one and should have been thought through more. Several people (wife and the three kids) will be affected by this decision that the two of you made and they needed to be considered more.” chimed another.
Do you think the woman is at fault here? Or is it her friend’s fault? Share your thoughts with us in the comments! We’re curious to know.
If you want more chaotic stories about relationships, we’ve got another great read for you here.
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