[Jonathan Leane]

Is it ever okay to ask your partner to wear continence management products?​

Adult continence management products are a lifesaver for many who are dealing with serious health issues, but it’s also a point of embarrassment for some. Without these products, there are bound to be accidents from time to time, and if the person in question is unable to clean up after themselves, the job is left to their loved ones. But in instances where they can clean up themselves and are choosing not to, as well as refusing to take preemptive measures, where would you draw the line?

While marriage vows include, “for better or for worse” for a reason, in certain scenarios both partners need to work together to respect each other as much as possible in the face of a difficult illness. However, this isn’t always the case.

In a recent Reddit post, one woman shared her story of how she grew tired of cleaning up her husband's soiled sheets and reached her wit’s end when he refused to take responsibility for the issue.

The woman's husband had been staying in the hospital for some health problems and, after he was released, he began wetting the bed every few nights. The couple talked to the doctor about it and, while they were waiting for the meds to take effect, the doctor suggested that the husband use adult continence management products.

However, the husband refused and, as a result, the wife was left to clean up after him. She grew tired of it and after the husband refused to even consider wearing continence management products, she reached her breaking point.

"Yesterday morning was my final straw," she writes. "I saw that he'd wet the bed again (and hadn’t cleaned it up) and I just kind of went off."

The situation reached a boiling point when their children, aged 11 and 13, entered the room to see what the fuss was about.

"I showed them the state the bed and sheets were in and said, 'See? Your dad keeps wetting the bed and throws a tantrum when asked to take responsibility,'" she writes.

Her husband was not happy and accused her of "humiliating" him in front of his kids and "shaming" him.

The OP's sister has since told her she was in the wrong for involving the children, but she is feeling conflicted about whether she did the right thing.

So, what do people think?

Many commenters were quick to point out that the OP (original poster) was not in the wrong, and that her husband's refusal to wear the product was unreasonable.

“Being a caregiver is exhausting, and it doesn’t end. Your husband should show some compassion and gratitude for your efforts by trying to lighten the burden as much as possible,” one commenter quipped. “Today’s continence products can handle a lot, which would make him feel better as well.”

A healthcare worker suggested that the OP's husband try using a catheter, which is a device that can be attached to a urine collection bag.

"This may be an alternative solution," they wrote, to understand a difficult situation.

Others say that the OP should have a firm talk with her husband about the situation, and make it clear that he needs to take responsibility for his own messes.

"Either he complies with that to prevent messes or he has to take responsibility for cleaning up," writes one user.

Some people felt that both parties were in the wrong and that the husband should have been more understanding of his wife's frustration.

"Your husband's refusal to wear continence management products to bed is ridiculous," writes one user. "Should you have lost it in front of the kids? Probably not. But the bottom line is had he just had the decency to wear the product to bed, this never would have happened."

What do you think?

Should the husband have been more understanding of his wife's frustration? Or was she in the wrong for involving the children? Let us know in the comments.

 

[Dicky]

The husband should have cleaned up his mess, but only if he was able. Why was he in hospital? For surgery? But the wife was definitely wrong to bring the childrens’ attention to it.

 

[Thecheesequeen]

No excuse whatsoever for refusing to wear incontinence products. Women wear period products all the time! He needs to grow up.

 

[JayKay]

If his children were aged 11 & 13, perhaps he wasn't aged?
If he were sick and frail and confused, that's one issue.
If he could think rationally, that's another.....be gentle, be supportive, be encouraging, giving the reasons for requesting the use of continence products in a loving manner rather than in an accusatory manner.
Involving the children.....they came in of their own accord, but at that age, they did not need to be told what was going on.
The wife needed to maintain privacy for the husband and be discreet. She didn't need to air their dirty laundry in front of the children.
I'm sure no-one wets their bed on purpose, the husband must feel very embarrassed, so handle him respectfully to get the outcome you want.

 

[PepeLePew]

Truly wish that somebody would strongly suggest to an elderly gentleman that frequents a 2nd hand shop I often shop at to use incontinence underwear. The staining on his clothing is very noticeable and the smell when he walks past you, don't even get me started. Thankfully I still wear a face mask at all times but even that doesn't block the smell.

 

[Gazman]

Adult continence management products are a lifesaver for many who are dealing with serious health issues, but it’s also a point of embarrassment for some. Without these products, there are bound to be accidents from time to time, and if the person in question is unable to clean up after themselves, the job is left to their loved ones. But in instances where they can clean up themselves and are choosing not to, as well as refusing to take preemptive measures, where would you draw the line?

While marriage vows include, “for better or for worse” for a reason, in certain scenarios both partners need to work together to respect each other as much as possible in the face of a difficult illness. However, this isn’t always the case.

In a recent Reddit post, one woman shared her story of how she grew tired of cleaning up her husband's soiled sheets and reached her wit’s end when he refused to take responsibility for the issue.

The woman's husband had been staying in the hospital for some health problems and, after he was released, he began wetting the bed every few nights. The couple talked to the doctor about it and, while they were waiting for the meds to take effect, the doctor suggested that the husband use adult continence management products.

However, the husband refused and, as a result, the wife was left to clean up after him. She grew tired of it and after the husband refused to even consider wearing continence management products, she reached her breaking point.

"Yesterday morning was my final straw," she writes. "I saw that he'd wet the bed again (and hadn’t cleaned it up) and I just kind of went off."

The situation reached a boiling point when their children, aged 11 and 13, entered the room to see what the fuss was about.

"I showed them the state the bed and sheets were in and said, 'See? Your dad keeps wetting the bed and throws a tantrum when asked to take responsibility,'" she writes.

Her husband was not happy and accused her of "humiliating" him in front of his kids and "shaming" him.

The OP's sister has since told her she was in the wrong for involving the children, but she is feeling conflicted about whether she did the right thing.

So, what do people think?

Many commenters were quick to point out that the OP (original poster) was not in the wrong, and that her husband's refusal to wear the product was unreasonable.

“Being a caregiver is exhausting, and it doesn’t end. Your husband should show some compassion and gratitude for your efforts by trying to lighten the burden as much as possible,” one commenter quipped. “Today’s continence products can handle a lot, which would make him feel better as well.”

A healthcare worker suggested that the OP's husband try using a catheter, which is a device that can be attached to a urine collection bag.

"This may be an alternative solution," they wrote, to understand a difficult situation.

Others say that the OP should have a firm talk with her husband about the situation, and make it clear that he needs to take responsibility for his own messes.

"Either he complies with that to prevent messes or he has to take responsibility for cleaning up," writes one user.

Some people felt that both parties were in the wrong and that the husband should have been more understanding of his wife's frustration.

"Your husband's refusal to wear continence management products to bed is ridiculous," writes one user. "Should you have lost it in front of the kids? Probably not. But the bottom line is had he just had the decency to wear the product to bed, this never would have happened."

What do you think?

Should the husband have been more understanding of his wife's frustration? Or was she in the wrong for involving the children? Let us know in the comments.

Let him sleep in his mess. Then he may decide to do the right thing. Dirty B.

 

[Boss1949]

What a complete ar….le of a man. His wife is a saint to have put up with it for as long as she did. The total selfishness of him and the disrespect he has shown to his wife almost leaves you speechless. He doesn’t want a partner he wants a slave. Wonder what would happen if the boot was on the other foot?

 

[Esma Rose]

if the boot was on the other foot I bet my life it would not happen. Us women are more modest than to even expect their husband to help. It is purely the way we are from our very beginning. We are forever conscious of such things. Sadly I cannot put myself in this woman's place. I know her not. To be in a situation such as her, I would need to be @ my wits end & my husband had other problems which we handled always with comfort together. I've no right to judge her OR her husband who by the way "something" other than their present despair just may be something else altogether. We all know why we ask for help, but just sometimes doubt enters advice for all sorts of reasons. I think they both need to sit down amicably @ TALK it out. It WILL be easy as long as they RESPECT each other. The sign is on the wall if they do not.

 

[Dennykil]

Absolutely agree with Boss. How can he be comfortable wetting the bed. It is just common sense to wear the special pants to bed. And no one can see him in bed. Come on Old Mate, do the right thing for your family

 

[Esma Rose]

Yes "to Dennykit" but the woman IS @ her wits end & obviously she's crying out to someone who has been in the situation she finds herself in. If you haven't been in her situation you can only GUESS what you would do. Am I lucky to say in my nearly 71 years of a wonderful marriage I had not found myself in her situation BUT can with honesty say, "I knew my husband so well that he would have taken the Doctor's advice as he ALWAYS did.

 

[Nolaj]

You could try 'blueys' for the bed..a bit like puppy training sheets. Nurses use them to protect the bedsheets. But if it was me in her situation, I would ask him to sleep in a separate bed and be responsible for his own laundry. Maybe then he will grow up and practise basic hygiene.

 

[Sloopy]

He wasmin the wr9ng, and she handled it badly.

 

[Ezzy]

Adult continence management products are a lifesaver for many who are dealing with serious health issues, but it’s also a point of embarrassment for some. Without these products, there are bound to be accidents from time to time, and if the person in question is unable to clean up after themselves, the job is left to their loved ones. But in instances where they can clean up themselves and are choosing not to, as well as refusing to take preemptive measures, where would you draw the line?

While marriage vows include, “for better or for worse” for a reason, in certain scenarios both partners need to work together to respect each other as much as possible in the face of a difficult illness. However, this isn’t always the case.

In a recent Reddit post, one woman shared her story of how she grew tired of cleaning up her husband's soiled sheets and reached her wit’s end when he refused to take responsibility for the issue.

The woman's husband had been staying in the hospital for some health problems and, after he was released, he began wetting the bed every few nights. The couple talked to the doctor about it and, while they were waiting for the meds to take effect, the doctor suggested that the husband use adult continence management products.

However, the husband refused and, as a result, the wife was left to clean up after him. She grew tired of it and after the husband refused to even consider wearing continence management products, she reached her breaking point.

"Yesterday morning was my final straw," she writes. "I saw that he'd wet the bed again (and hadn’t cleaned it up) and I just kind of went off."

The situation reached a boiling point when their children, aged 11 and 13, entered the room to see what the fuss was about.

"I showed them the state the bed and sheets were in and said, 'See? Your dad keeps wetting the bed and throws a tantrum when asked to take responsibility,'" she writes.

Her husband was not happy and accused her of "humiliating" him in front of his kids and "shaming" him.

The OP's sister has since told her she was in the wrong for involving the children, but she is feeling conflicted about whether she did the right thing.

So, what do people think?

Many commenters were quick to point out that the OP (original poster) was not in the wrong, and that her husband's refusal to wear the product was unreasonable.

“Being a caregiver is exhausting, and it doesn’t end. Your husband should show some compassion and gratitude for your efforts by trying to lighten the burden as much as possible,” one commenter quipped. “Today’s continence products can handle a lot, which would make him feel better as well.”

A healthcare worker suggested that the OP's husband try using a catheter, which is a device that can be attached to a urine collection bag.

"This may be an alternative solution," they wrote, to understand a difficult situation.

Others say that the OP should have a firm talk with her husband about the situation, and make it clear that he needs to take responsibility for his own messes.

"Either he complies with that to prevent messes or he has to take responsibility for cleaning up," writes one user.

Some people felt that both parties were in the wrong and that the husband should have been more understanding of his wife's frustration.

"Your husband's refusal to wear continence management products to bed is ridiculous," writes one user. "Should you have lost it in front of the kids? Probably not. But the bottom line is had he just had the decency to wear the product to bed, this never would have happened."

What do you think?

Should the husband have been more understanding of his wife's frustration? Or was she in the wrong for involving the children? Let us know in the comments.

I believe the wife's action was just release of tensions given the frustrating situation. I believe the husband is bawking at wearing the 'nappy' because these are what a baby wears & this is demeaning him. If he were in a Nursing Home l don't think he would have a choice. These can leak at times as l saw with my friend in a nursing home, but the consequences are not as bad as if he wasn't wearing this at all. The husband is at home, in private where wearing these is a matter between him & his wife (& children now, possibly), is just a short term thing until his medications start assisting him & l believe he should swallow his pride & wear these.