Note from the Editor:

We’ve been interested in sharing some expert articles about mental health and wellness. However, we needed the right person, with the right experience.

Today, I am very excited to introduce Joy!

I’ll hand you over to her for the first article, which covers something that has, unfortunately, touched many of our lives: grief.

GRIEF — How to Survive and Thrive
by Joy Straw
​

My name is Joy Straw, and I’ve been a counsellor and (now retired) psychologist working with couples and individuals, as well as children in crisis, for over 30 years. I am a widow with two children and three grandchildren and have recently moved to a retirement village and am loving life again.

Just as there are many forms of grief, so there are different ways to grieve and different time frames in which to do this.

Grief happens to everyone at some time in their life—it is how we personally deal with this grief and come to terms with the reality and permanency of this new situation.

You may have lost a special piece of jewellery, or having to move from a loved home, or all the way to losing a loved one. We all experience grief differently, and all the feelings associated with grief are part of a process that Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross described as the Five Stages of the Grief Cycle.

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[April Bradford]

No thanks. You lost me at your second sentence when you described yourself as a widower, because as a supposed female named Joy, you would be a widow. Simple mistake, but I'd rather be advised by another human, thanks, instead of AI churning out mechanical advice.

Hi @Ideas, this is a fault on my end as the editor. I appreciate the feedback and have corrected this now. If anything, I would think the typo reflects that Joy and I are both humans.

 

[Defiant540]

I'm a bit confused (easily done) but Joy is a widower??? seems odd.

widow

 

[maxtyson]

wow this has meant a lot to me and I am so gratefull to be part of it.Love to each and everyone on their own journey in life.

 

[Joy Straw]

wow this has meant a lot to me and I am so gratefull to be part of it.Love to each and everyone on their own journey in life.

Yes we are building a wonderful and supporting network

 

[BeautifulMousey]

Thank you for this article Joy. My first born daughter died just over a week ago and we had her funeral yesterday, so a timely read. She was only 50 and parents never expect a child to pass before them. She died due to complications from a weight loss operation she had seven years ago, such a sad, unnecessary loss. At least no more pain and suffering. RIP Pennyxx

Very sorry for your loss. My condolences
I know how you feel, I lost my daughter in July and had her funeral on the 25/7
Keep your chin up

 

[BeautifulMousey]

Hi Joy, I lost my mum in 2012. Never saw much of her because of our medical conditions but spoke daily on the phone. I was at the hospital with her the day she died and I had to go to grief counseling. To this day I still think I will ring mum and tell her something that has happened. I told you about losing my daughter in July and the drawn out time it took for her funeral. I joined SDC to take my mind off things and kept busy, sometimes being a bit stupid or outrageous. I finally read your article on grief because things have been getting me down and I really feel so alone. I didn't see family from the time of her death until her funeral and am afraid I haven't seen anyone since. They do live a fair distance from me so do use that as an excuse. I saw in the jokes about family getting together and how they were all busy on their mobile phones. It got to me because in the hospital we were all in the waiting room, only 2 people at a time were allowed to see Laura in intensive care. Sitting in the waiting room with everyone I thought we could at least talk but looking around they were all on their mobiles. I didn't care about mobile phones as I was concerned about her hoping that after the 48 hours when they took her off medication that she would come around. I saw her the day before she died and was shocked to see what looked like tears coming from her eyes. The nurses ran to her but said to me that it was just moisture. I was alone and never told the others. I was really upset and could not go back in the day they were taking her to get her organs. I don't know if I did the right thing. Laura was the third child I lost as I lost her 2 brothers to Cystic Fibrosis. I do have 6 other daughters. But the loss of Laura is hard cause she came to visit regularly. We had lunch together the day she hung herself. I'm having nightmares, sleeping for 20 minutes at a time and laying awake for hours. I have Narcolepsy and would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, even face first in my meals which the girls thought it was funny. Not now, can't sleep properly. I only have SDC for company, as nd am thankful to everyone but I think I'm losing touch with reality. I can't get out except for Dr appointments and I made an appointment to see my GP only to find out she's on holidays, so don't have her. I'm feeling, frustrated, lonely and still think Laura is coming to visit. What do I do?
Thank you Joy
Sincerely
Beautiful Mousey

 

[Littleboy8]

Hi Joy, I lost my mum in 2012. Never saw much of her because of our medical conditions but spoke daily on the phone. I was at the hospital with her the day she died and I had to go to grief counseling. To this day I still think I will ring mum and tell her something that has happened. I told you about losing my daughter in July and the drawn out time it took for her funeral. I joined SDC to take my mind off things and kept busy, sometimes being a bit stupid or outrageous. I finally read your article on grief because things have been getting me down and I really feel so alone. I didn't see family from the time of her death until her funeral and am afraid I haven't seen anyone since. They do live a fair distance from me so do use that as an excuse. I saw in the jokes about family getting together and how they were all busy on their mobile phones. It got to me because in the hospital we were all in the waiting room, only 2 people at a time were allowed to see Laura in intensive care. Sitting in the waiting room with everyone I thought we could at least talk but looking around they were all on their mobiles. I didn't care about mobile phones as I was concerned about her hoping that after the 48 hours when they took her off medication that she would come around. I saw her the day before she died and was shocked to see what looked like tears coming from her eyes. The nurses ran to her but said to me that it was just moisture. I was alone and never told the others. I was really upset and could not go back in the day they were taking her to get her organs. I don't know if I did the right thing. Laura was the third child I lost as I lost her 2 brothers to Cystic Fibrosis. I do have 6 other daughters. But the loss of Laura is hard cause she came to visit regularly. We had lunch together the day she hung herself. I'm having nightmares, sleeping for 20 minutes at a time and laying awake for hours. I have Narcolepsy and would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, even face first in my meals which the girls thought it was funny. Not now, can't sleep properly. I only have SDC for company, as nd am thankful to everyone but I think I'm losing touch with reality. I can't get out except for Dr appointments and I made an appointment to see my GP only to find out she's on holidays, so don't have her. I'm feeling, frustrated, lonely and still think Laura is coming to visit. What do I do?
Thank you Joy
Sincerely
Beautiful Mousey

You’ll always have us I wish I lived closer to you I’d come and hang out with you and your menagerie. Maybe people on here live near you and can hang out with you.But at least we can hang out on here and be stupid together and try to be funny.

 

[BeautifulMousey]

You’ll always have us I wish I lived closer to you I’d come and hang out with you and your menagerie. Maybe people on here live near you and can hang out with you.But at least we can hang out on here and be stupid together and try to be funny.

Yes I admit I have been stupid trying to be funny.
Thank you
It is really appreciated that you are so thoughtful. I have been texting my Family and her partner daily since it happened,asking them if they are ok and telling them I love them. Got told it was too much and maybe every few days would be better.
The funny thing is except for the daughter in Gippsland the rest all live fairly close to each other.
Thank you Littleboy8

 

[Joy Straw]

Hi Joy, I lost my mum in 2012. Never saw much of her because of our medical conditions but spoke daily on the phone. I was at the hospital with her the day she died and I had to go to grief counseling. To this day I still think I will ring mum and tell her something that has happened. I told you about losing my daughter in July and the drawn out time it took for her funeral. I joined SDC to take my mind off things and kept busy, sometimes being a bit stupid or outrageous. I finally read your article on grief because things have been getting me down and I really feel so alone. I didn't see family from the time of her death until her funeral and am afraid I haven't seen anyone since. They do live a fair distance from me so do use that as an excuse. I saw in the jokes about family getting together and how they were all busy on their mobile phones. It got to me because in the hospital we were all in the waiting room, only 2 people at a time were allowed to see Laura in intensive care. Sitting in the waiting room with everyone I thought we could at least talk but looking around they were all on their mobiles. I didn't care about mobile phones as I was concerned about her hoping that after the 48 hours when they took her off medication that she would come around. I saw her the day before she died and was shocked to see what looked like tears coming from her eyes. The nurses ran to her but said to me that it was just moisture. I was alone and never told the others. I was really upset and could not go back in the day they were taking her to get her organs. I don't know if I did the right thing. Laura was the third child I lost as I lost her 2 brothers to Cystic Fibrosis. I do have 6 other daughters. But the loss of Laura is hard cause she came to visit regularly. We had lunch together the day she hung herself. I'm having nightmares, sleeping for 20 minutes at a time and laying awake for hours. I have Narcolepsy and would fall asleep at the drop of a hat, even face first in my meals which the girls thought it was funny. Not now, can't sleep properly. I only have SDC for company, as nd am thankful to everyone but I think I'm losing touch with reality. I can't get out except for Dr appointments and I made an appointment to see my GP only to find out she's on holidays, so don't have her. I'm feeling, frustrated, lonely and still think Laura is coming to visit. What do I do?
Thank you Joy
Sincerely
Beautiful Mousey

Dear Mousey it sounds as if you are in need of some ongoing counselling . You certainly have experienced some significant grief in a short period and it’s compounded before you have time to come to terms with each experience. I strongly recommend that you visit your GP and get a referral for a psychologist. I’m glad you are finding help amongst SDC and it is lovley to see there’s people from the community reaching out. Perhaps schedule some video phone calls amongst family, maybe once a week. I’d like to also suggest that you join a grief counselling group, as from what you have said you have suffered an enormous shock, with no warning of anything being wrong before your daughter passed away and you may find some solace in talking with others who have suffered similar experiences. Please be patient with your family who are also trying to come to terms with the shock and may not know how to respond to you. Often when something like this happens families can pull together or even be pulled apart. Patience is the key and being gentle with yourself and give yourself and your family time to grieve in your own individual ways . You are in my thoughts and as April and I have said please reach out if we can be of help, but know we are thinking of you and sending love your way. Joy