We all have our days where we have a big ol’ whinge to anyone who will listen. At the end of the day, venting often makes us feel better. But what if you know someone who chronically complains no matter what you do to try and cheer them up? Well, it turns out this is a rather common occurrence, and as we are sure many of you are well aware of, it’s extremely draining to deal with regularly.

So, what can you do if you have a chronic complainer in your life? According to licensed therapist and relationship expert, Nedra Glover Tawwab, the key is to understand that they may not even realise they're doing it.

‘People who are chronic complainers are not aware that they're chronic complainers – they think that they're just talking, she explains. ‘They may not realise they’re going on their third, fourth or fifth complaint in a row.’

What can you do about the chronic complainer in your life? Image source: Shutterstock. ​

And while you could try to make them aware of the issue in a nice way, Tawwab says they may still have difficulty filtering out complaints. ‘We're trying to teach them a new skill. Now we have to teach them to figure out what a complaint looks like, what it sounds like—because they may have the assumption that they're just talking about a problem.’ So instead of getting frustrated with them, try shifting the conversation – or being honest with them.

What to do about a chronic complainer

So, how does an expert like Tawwab recommend dealing with chronic complainers? For one thing, she explains that you have the opportunity to shift the conversation—or ideally, try to start the conversation on a positive note.

‘One wonderful thing we can do with chronic complainers is start the conversation in a way that you want it to go,’ she suggests. Make a mental list of the topics they often complain about and avoid mentioning them altogether. ‘There are topics NOT to ask these people about,’ she advises.’If you start talking about politics and then get drawn into their negativity vortex...well next time, just don't!’

Additionally, become more aware of how you think about setting boundaries with these people. Often when we think we're setting boundaries, we're actually just trying to change the other person – which rarely works. ‘You can determine how YOU listen,’ Tawwab notes.’You can determine what YOU do when THEY complain - but you CAN'T make them stop complaining.’

So, if you find yourself trying to set a boundary by attempting to ‘make’ them stop complaining, that may be a sign you should simply limit your interactions with them altogether.

So where do you go from here?

It’s definitely something we all want to avoid, being around someone who zaps the little energy we have purely because they complain incessantly. However, it’s important to understand what we can and cannot control about the situation. We may not be able to change a chronic complainer's way, but we can control how we respond to them, and more importantly, how we choose to engage with them, and their complaints.

Remember, members, you have to do what is best for yourself, this is an important lesson to learn whether you’re 8 or 80. You won’t be able to please everyone in your life, and if you’re constantly drained by a chronic complainer, it’s time to implement boundaries or maybe even cut ties. So what do you think? Do you have a chronic complainer in your life? Will you be implementing some of these tips when you see them next? Let us know in the comments below!

 

[Suzanne rose]

I think if I use these tips I will have a headache before I start.

I do have someone like this and the main thing I do is change the subject.

If I'm not up to listening to her I just don't answer the phone.

I'm a positive person and always try to turn negatives into a positive

 

[DrChip]

We all have our days where we have a big ol’ whinge to anyone who will listen. At the end of the day, venting often makes us feel better. But what if you know someone who chronically complains no matter what you do to try and cheer them up? Well, it turns out this is a rather common occurrence, and as we are sure many of you are well aware of, it’s extremely draining to deal with regularly.

So, what can you do if you have a chronic complainer in your life? According to licensed therapist and relationship expert, Nedra Glover Tawwab, the key is to understand that they may not even realise they're doing it.

‘People who are chronic complainers are not aware that they're chronic complainers – they think that they're just talking, she explains. ‘They may not realise they’re going on their third, fourth or fifth complaint in a row.’

View attachment 6923
What can you do about the chronic complainer in your life? Image source: Shutterstock. ​

And while you could try to make them aware of the issue in a nice way, Tawwab says they may still have difficulty filtering out complaints. ‘We're trying to teach them a new skill. Now we have to teach them to figure out what a complaint looks like, what it sounds like—because they may have the assumption that they're just talking about a problem.’ So instead of getting frustrated with them, try shifting the conversation – or being honest with them.

What to do about a chronic complainer

So, how does an expert like Tawwab recommend dealing with chronic complainers? For one thing, she explains that you have the opportunity to shift the conversation—or ideally, try to start the conversation on a positive note.

‘One wonderful thing we can do with chronic complainers is start the conversation in a way that you want it to go,’ she suggests. Make a mental list of the topics they often complain about and avoid mentioning them altogether. ‘There are topics NOT to ask these people about,’ she advises.’If you start talking about politics and then get drawn into their negativity vortex...well next time, just don't!’

Additionally, become more aware of how you think about setting boundaries with these people. Often when we think we're setting boundaries, we're actually just trying to change the other person – which rarely works. ‘You can determine how YOU listen,’ Tawwab notes.’You can determine what YOU do when THEY complain - but you CAN'T make them stop complaining.’

So, if you find yourself trying to set a boundary by attempting to ‘make’ them stop complaining, that may be a sign you should simply limit your interactions with them altogether.

So where do you go from here?

It’s definitely something we all want to avoid, being around someone who zaps the little energy we have purely because they complain incessantly. However, it’s important to understand what we can and cannot control about the situation. We may not be able to change a chronic complainer's way, but we can control how we respond to them, and more importantly, how we choose to engage with them, and their complaints.

Remember, members, you have to do what is best for yourself, this is an important lesson to learn whether you’re 8 or 80. You won’t be able to please everyone in your life, and if you’re constantly drained by a chronic complainer, it’s time to implement boundaries or maybe even cut ties. So what do you think? Do you have a chronic complainer in your life? Will you be implementing some of these tips when you see them next? Let us know in the comments below!

I hate people that go on and on and complaining about this and that then this again and then some other thing then back to that and make nonsense at al but whinge whinge whinge.

They they start again whinging about some other things and then go back to the being.

Hang on where was I??

I hate people that go on and on and complaining about this ans that then this again and then some other thing then back to that and make nonsense at al but whinge whinge whinge.

 

[Stanier123]

We all have our days where we have a big ol’ whinge to anyone who will listen. At the end of the day, venting often makes us feel better. But what if you know someone who chronically complains no matter what you do to try and cheer them up? Well, it turns out this is a rather common occurrence, and as we are sure many of you are well aware of, it’s extremely draining to deal with regularly.

So, what can you do if you have a chronic complainer in your life? According to licensed therapist and relationship expert, Nedra Glover Tawwab, the key is to understand that they may not even realise they're doing it.

‘People who are chronic complainers are not aware that they're chronic complainers – they think that they're just talking, she explains. ‘They may not realise they’re going on their third, fourth or fifth complaint in a row.’

View attachment 6923
What can you do about the chronic complainer in your life? Image source: Shutterstock. ​

And while you could try to make them aware of the issue in a nice way, Tawwab says they may still have difficulty filtering out complaints. ‘We're trying to teach them a new skill. Now we have to teach them to figure out what a complaint looks like, what it sounds like—because they may have the assumption that they're just talking about a problem.’ So instead of getting frustrated with them, try shifting the conversation – or being honest with them.

What to do about a chronic complainer

So, how does an expert like Tawwab recommend dealing with chronic complainers? For one thing, she explains that you have the opportunity to shift the conversation—or ideally, try to start the conversation on a positive note.

‘One wonderful thing we can do with chronic complainers is start the conversation in a way that you want it to go,’ she suggests. Make a mental list of the topics they often complain about and avoid mentioning them altogether. ‘There are topics NOT to ask these people about,’ she advises.’If you start talking about politics and then get drawn into their negativity vortex...well next time, just don't!’

Additionally, become more aware of how you think about setting boundaries with these people. Often when we think we're setting boundaries, we're actually just trying to change the other person – which rarely works. ‘You can determine how YOU listen,’ Tawwab notes.’You can determine what YOU do when THEY complain - but you CAN'T make them stop complaining.’

So, if you find yourself trying to set a boundary by attempting to ‘make’ them stop complaining, that may be a sign you should simply limit your interactions with them altogether.

So where do you go from here?

It’s definitely something we all want to avoid, being around someone who zaps the little energy we have purely because they complain incessantly. However, it’s important to understand what we can and cannot control about the situation. We may not be able to change a chronic complainer's way, but we can control how we respond to them, and more importantly, how we choose to engage with them, and their complaints.

Remember, members, you have to do what is best for yourself, this is an important lesson to learn whether you’re 8 or 80. You won’t be able to please everyone in your life, and if you’re constantly drained by a chronic complainer, it’s time to implement boundaries or maybe even cut ties. So what do you think? Do you have a chronic complainer in your life? Will you be implementing some of these tips when you see them next? Let us know in the comments below!

Suggest research of narcissistic personality disorder on YouTube. If you have a narcissist in your life organise your finances, pack your bags and run fast. The disorder can only be managed NOT cured. Don’t feel guilty it’s not your fault.

 

[Anna K]

I was talking about this today with friends. We usually say something to complainers about how much is wrong in the world and so it is up to us to try to cheer each other up with a laugh and prevent each other from becoming depressed. Complainers usually have to agree!

 

[Suzanne rose]

I hate people that go on and on and complaining about this and that then this again and then some other thing then back to that and make nonsense at al but whinge whinge whinge.

They they start again whinging about some other things and then go back to the being.

Hang on where was I??

I hate people that go on and on and complaining about this ans that then this again and then some other thing then back to that and make nonsense at al but whinge whinge whinge.

Are you complaining???

 

[TomDevine55]

Just be honest and tell them to stop whinging. Otherwise you start whinging and dont stop until they either say something or leave, then remind them thats what you have to listen to the whole time.

 

[Suzanne rose]

I was talking about this today with friends. We usually say something to complainers about how much is wrong in the world and so it is up to us to try to cheer each other up with a laugh and prevent each other from becoming depressed. Complainers usually have to agree!

 

[janj]

mum is nearly 90 and is never happy I try to stay calm as I know she can't help it now. She has a few problems health etc, I'm lucky my youngest daughter comes with me most times

 

[Ezzy]

We have a lady in our Seniors group who has for years managed to have nothing to complain about but all her aches & pains, visits to Drs, procedures she has had or needs to have. Most people here seem to turn off, except me l think. l believe she needs to be able to talk & is possibly limited in subjects she has knowledge in. I am not sure if her & hubi, who l have known for about the same length of time, actually have meaningful conversations with each other which l find sad.

 

[Suzanne rose]

We have a lady in our Seniors group who has for years managed to have nothing to complain about but all her aches & pains, visits to Drs, procedures she has had or needs to have. Most people here seem to turn off, except me l think. l believe she needs to be able to talk & is possibly limited in subjects she has knowledge in. I am not sure if her & hubi, who l have known for about the same length of time, actually have meaningful conversations with each other which l find sad.

It's sad when a couple don't communicate. Friends ask me how I'm feeling and I hate replying as I feel like I'm complaining.
A friend asked me the other day how I was , I told her ok, she said you look very tired and it was 11 30am
I had to see a surgeon yesterday and after leaving my husband said that he knew I was in pain but didn't realise to what extent. I said to him what's the use in complaining there is nothing he can do.
I think complaining makes you feel worst.
When I talk about my problems I want to warn others that doctors make mistakes, and do not be afraid to get 2nd and 3rd opions.

My grrr was I was waiting for 11/2 hours at the surgeons we had told the receptionist we were there she even said oh there you are we don't need paperwork just take a seat out in the waiting room.

I received a call from my lawyer seeing that I was OK because I never arrived for my appointment, I said I'm here waiting and arrived 15 minutes early. The receptionist told the doctor I hadn't arrived yet

 

[Lillie]

I find a bigger problem is people who try to interfere in others lives and decisions always knowing what is best for them and have no problems letting them know. It is very annoying.
At 74 I feel I am old enough to make my own mistakes.

 

[Mistydolphin1]

I knew the worst complainer a few years back, not really a friend just a neighbour. I got totally fed up with her one day and just said " If you think you are that bad just go and sit outside the hospital and you will soon think you have nothing to complain about, especially when you see young children obviously a lot worse than you but they still smile and say hello" She never complained to me again.

 

[Ezzy]

It's sad when a couple don't communicate. Friends ask me how I'm feeling and I hate replying as I feel like I'm complaining.
A friend asked me the other day how I was , I told her ok, she said you look very tired and it was 11 30am
I had to see a surgeon yesterday and after leaving my husband said that he knew I was in pain but didn't realise to what extent. I said to him what's the use in complaining there is nothing he can do.
I think complaining makes you feel worst.
When I talk about my problems I want to warn others that doctors make mistakes, and do not be afraid to get 2nd and 3rd opions.

My grrr was I was waiting for 11/2 hours at the surgeons we had told the receptionist we were there she even said oh there you are we don't need paperwork just take a seat out in the waiting room.

I received a call from my lawyer seeing that I was OK because I never arrived for my appointment, I said I'm here waiting and arrived 15 minutes early. The receptionist told the doctor I hadn't arrived yet

 

[Ezzy]

What a bitch!!! What is her beef with you, does she have something to gain by inconveniencing you? I am sure just sitting for that length of time must have been uncomfortable for you without being delayed further. I am sorry for you.

 

[Ezzy]

I knew the worst complainer a few years back, not really a friend just a neighbour. I got totally fed up with her one day and just said " If you think you are that bad just go and sit outside the hospital and you will soon think you have nothing to complain about, especially when you see young children obviously a lot worse than you but they still smile and say hello" She never complained to me again.

 

[Ezzy]

We are currently having our 24 hour Telethon here in W.A. & the 3 Telethon children are gorgeous. One young lad in a wheelchair, an older girl with a disability & a young lad who l think has an artificial leg & sort of limped on stage, but as you said, they were all smiling. Part of this may have been for the moment & being a celeb but too l believe because they are living in spit of a disability. When seeing people with a handicap of any type l think to myself, "There goes l but for the Grace of God".

 

[Suzanne rose]

We are currently having our 24 hour Telethon here in W.A. & the 3 Telethon children are gorgeous. One young lad in a wheelchair, an older girl with a disability & a young lad who l think has an artificial leg & sort of limped on stage, but as you said, they were all smiling. Part of this may have been for the moment & being a celeb but too l believe because they are living in spit of a disability. When seeing people with a handicap of any type l think to myself, "There goes l but for the Grace of God".

My Granddaughter who turns 3 next month my daughter suspected she was slight autistic, slow speech, not liking loud noise, very ocd when it comes to labels facing the one way, colours grouped together ect.

We had to take her to a hearing specialist last Wednesday and they said she looks like she is deaf that she can't hear high pitch sounds and will need hearing aides , we have to go back Monday for more test , they said it's not reversible but need to see if it will get worst.
She is the happiest little girl.
I told my daughter God will walk with her and she is lucky to have a loving mother like my daughter.

 

[Evol P]

Hubs is always whinging about something. Yesterday it was the rain. I told him it was lucky for us its only water when in Ukraine it is raining bombs. He stopped.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Hubs is always whinging about something. Yesterday it was the rain. I told him it was lucky for us its only water when in Ukraine it is raining bombs. He stopped.

You go girl !! I Wonder where you phrase Whinging wives came from when I believe it's more the husbands.....oh I know where it came from it was the HUSBANDS . Sorry to the nice men out there you are a rare