[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 12.04.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Cry-Baby-x:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to change my last name?

'A few years ago, I got divorced from my ex-husband, but I didn't change my last name. I have four main reasons for this:

1. I like having the same last name as my child.
2. All my qualifications are under my married name and can't be changed.
3. I've been using this last name for so long that I'm just used to it now.
4. It's a hassle to change a name everywhere (bank, mortgage, doctors, passport, etc.). Also, it's just a name to me now, not associated with my ex-husband anymore.

Here's where the problem starts. My ex-husband is getting remarried this year, and I'm getting remarried next year, but I'm not changing my last name.

My fiancé is okay with this; he agrees that it's just a name. But my ex-husband is very upset that I'm keeping his last name. He says it's his business because it's his last name, and his new bride is also upset because she thinks she has the right to have the last name, not me. I explained to him and his new fiancée that my last name has nothing to do with her, and she can choose whatever last name she wants.

Then, I started getting texts from her, asking me to change my last name. I politely but firmly told her that I won't be changing it and explained my reasons again. She got angry and called me names, saying I'm ruining her wedding.

I've talked to my friends and family about this, and opinions are split. I think it's mainly because it's unusual to keep a married last name after marrying someone else. But my fiancé and I genuinely don't care. So personally, I don't see the problem.'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[Agave]

You are 100% correct and for all the perfectly logical reasons you stated!
Block your ex and his fiancee & get on with being happy with your new man.

 

[Ladyjay]

It just a name, who really cares if you go byblack white or brindle, it just a name after all, stick to your guns

 

[Bullwinkle]

It’s just a name….there is most likely a lot of people with that surname….do they want them to change their surname as well!!!

When I married I was hell bent on keeping my maiden name, which was fine with my husband to be…but only days before our wedding I changed my mind and decided to take his surname….making him an extremely happy man

 

[Suzanne rose]

If she wants to keep his last name then it's her choice but I think it's a little disrespectful to her new husband to be not taking his name yet keeping her ex husbands name.

In Greece and other European countries the woman keeps her maiden name but the kids take their fathers name.

I think in today's society alot of children have a different name to their mothers.

 

[lynstacker]

I kept my ex husband's name for a variety of reasons. It is who I have been know as for most of my life. All of my qualifications, passport, drivers licence, bank accounts and property are in this name. It is after all, just a name

 

[m.m .vic]

My sister when her marriage broke she kept his surname. I have a friend he got married he got up set cause she wanted to keep her ex name and not his. She didn't explained why. He thinks it's wrong.

 

[52-KID]

As far as I'm aware (and I could be wrong, it's happened before) this is still your legal name until you re-marry and even then a big percentage of people keep their old names these days.

 

[Mrtnst]

Well, if the new wife really wants to have the same name as her husband, and he wants that as well, why doesn't he change his name to hers?

After all it's just an archaic tradition that women have to bother with all the hassle of taking on a new surname.

If it means that much to him he should take on that for her.

 

[Jest]

I changed to my maiden name as I do not think it fair on the ex if marries again. there cannot be 2 mrs ???. well, i suppose there can but not in my book.

 

[natalielocket]

It`s just a name. I think the ex Husband`s, new Wife is immature, and being unreasonable. Go with what makes you feel comfortable and happy with, and if your new Husband is okay, all is fine.

 

[Jest]

Well, if the new wife really wants to have the same name as her husband, and he wants that as well, why doesn't he change his name to hers?

After all it's just an archaic tradition that women have to bother with all the hassle of taking on a new surname.

If it means that much to him he should take on that for her.

why should he? it is his birth name.

 

[Jest]

I kept my ex husband's name for a variety of reasons. It is who I have been know as for most of my life. All of my qualifications, passport, drivers licence, bank accounts and property are in this name. It is after all, just a name

when i wanted to revert to my maiden name I was told by a lawyer you can call yourself anything you like, so long as it is not for illegal purposes. your husband has left you or vise versa and you want to keep his name. nuts.

 

[Jennylolo]

I know people who have changed both their surnames to a new one altogether. You can legally have any name you like.
As for this woman as long as she didn't have his initials on documents its her name by choice.
Many woman keep the name they gained qualifications in or due to the occupation they are known by.

 

[margaretritchie48]

I kept my married name because I had a son, would not want to have a different surname to him. If I had a daughter would consider going back to my maiden name as she would probably change it when she marries. Again you do what suits you, nothing to do with anyone else.

 

[IAN3005]

Suits me fine...... most marriages end up on the rocks anyway.

 

[Suzanne rose]

Well, if the new wife really wants to have the same name as her husband, and he wants that as well, why doesn't he change his name to hers?

After all it's just an archaic tradition that women have to bother with all the hassle of taking on a new surname.

If it means that much to him he should take on that for her.

What Her new husband take on her ex husbands name !!! That's bizarre

 

[Suzanne rose]

why should he? it is his birth name.

Crazy right

 

[Suzanne rose]

If I divorced my husband...then remarried and kept hubby's name he would say ... see she still loves me.

If my new husband took on my husbands name he would go ballistic.
To my husband his surname is sacred it was his dads and his dads dad ect ect

 

[Barbara V]

Use both with a hyphen lots people do that