[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 12.04.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Cry-Baby-x:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to change my last name?

'A few years ago, I got divorced from my ex-husband, but I didn't change my last name. I have four main reasons for this:

1. I like having the same last name as my child.
2. All my qualifications are under my married name and can't be changed.
3. I've been using this last name for so long that I'm just used to it now.
4. It's a hassle to change a name everywhere (bank, mortgage, doctors, passport, etc.). Also, it's just a name to me now, not associated with my ex-husband anymore.

Here's where the problem starts. My ex-husband is getting remarried this year, and I'm getting remarried next year, but I'm not changing my last name.

My fiancé is okay with this; he agrees that it's just a name. But my ex-husband is very upset that I'm keeping his last name. He says it's his business because it's his last name, and his new bride is also upset because she thinks she has the right to have the last name, not me. I explained to him and his new fiancée that my last name has nothing to do with her, and she can choose whatever last name she wants.

Then, I started getting texts from her, asking me to change my last name. I politely but firmly told her that I won't be changing it and explained my reasons again. She got angry and called me names, saying I'm ruining her wedding.

I've talked to my friends and family about this, and opinions are split. I think it's mainly because it's unusual to keep a married last name after marrying someone else. But my fiancé and I genuinely don't care. So personally, I don't see the problem.'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[Mrtnst]

What Her new husband take on her ex husbands name !!! That's bizarre

No her old husband should take on his new wife's name.

She and her new husband are okay with their existing names.

Why should anyone change their name if they don't want to, does it really make any difference if they love each other?

 

[Mrtnst]

Use both with a hyphen lots people do that

Problem with this is you still have to go through the whole process of changing your identity details with banks, insurance companies, passports, drivers licence, Etc.

A right pain in the proverbial for women that us guys don't have to bother with.

He gave her his name when they married and now he wants to take it back and give it to someone else.

But there is no legal obligation for her to agree.

 

[tfours]

If she wants to keep his last name then it's her choice but I think it's a little disrespectful to her new husband to be not taking his name yet keeping her ex husbands name.

In Greece and other European countries the woman keeps her maiden name but the kids take their fathers name.

I think in today's society alot of children have a different name to their mothers.

My eldest son chose to have his mother's maiden name and not mine. So, his wife and children are not on my family tree.

 

[IAN3005]

All a load of BS!!!!

 

[Suzanne rose]

My eldest son chose to have his mother's maiden name and not mine. So, his wife and children are not on my family tree.

That's sad and a perfect example of how important names actually are

 

[Suzanne rose]

All a load of BS!!!!

What is ? The actual story or everyone's replies

Did any of you wives keep your name

 

[IAN3005]

What is ? The actual story or everyone's replies

Did any of you wives keep your name

N0.....

 

[IvyBoots]

Been divorced over 40 years. Kept name. He remarried, her initials same as mine. No drama.

 

[Noon]

Keep your name, it's your children's name & if your future husband is okay, then don't worry about it. There's probably lots of other people with the same name anyway.

 

[IAN3005]

Keep your name, it's your children's name & if your future husband is okay, then don't worry about it. There's probably lots of other people with the same name anyway.

I couldn't care less what name they went under as long as they moved out of my sight and out of my way.

 

[PepeLePew]

When I got divorced I went back to my maiden name and the child from that union grew up and changed her name to my maiden name as she didn't see why she should have to use his name as he had never had anything to do with her in any way, shape or form except to donate the sperm to make her.
I did have more children after in another relationship and all those children have my maiden name. My 2 daughter's children have hyphenated last names with their mother's name coming last.
When my older son got married I asked DIL if she was taking his last name as I wanted her to know that I had no problem with her keeping her own, but she said hell yes as this was her 2nd marriage and she couldn't stand her ex husband and also didn't want to go back to her maiden name as she doesn't like her mum either.

 

[KaitlinHill]

I believe that everyone has the right to make their own decisions regarding their last name after divorce. If for the author keeping the surname is of personal importance, then she has the right to do so, especially considering that her future husband supports her decision. The ex-husband and his fiancée may feel disappointed or unhappy, but this should not compromise the author's right to choose his surname.

 

[Petals]

We can call ourselves anything we like so what is the problem. I am sure there are many people with my surname. My husband was married before and it was the last thing on my mind what his former wife's name was

 

[Littleboy8]

We can call ourselves anything we like so what is the problem. I am sure there are many people with my surname. My husband was married before and it was the last thing on my mind what his former wife's name was

Pretty pussycat