[Athena E.]

AIBU 09.09.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Feeling-Savings-1462:

Am I unreasonable for not using my inheritance (from my parents) for my husband’s family?

'My husband (52) and I (50) have been married for 31 years. We bought his parents' farm years ago, paid off the mortgage, and built our forever home there. We also raise cattle.'

'His family is always asking for help, especially his sisters and nephews. Years ago, we cared for his parents and his sister with Down’s syndrome when no one else would step up. We had young kids at the time, but we felt we had no choice—otherwise, the state would’ve stepped in. In my family, you take care of your family, so we took them in and never looked back.'

'However, I think his family resented us for this and somehow feels like they are owed something because we now own the family farm. And for some reason, my husband thinks he has to take care of his other sisters even though there is nothing wrong with them.'

'I recently inherited a decent amount of money from my parents. My husband doesn’t know exactly how much, and he’s upset I won’t tell him. He doesn’t have access to the account. But he wants me to use it to build a house on the farm for his sisters, so they don’t have to pay rent anymore. He even wants us to cover their property taxes and insurance, though they’d pay for utilities. He doesn’t want to charge them rent.'

'Why should I use my parents' hard-earned money they passed on to me so that my husband’s lazy sisters can sit in a brand new house on their family’s farm and never have to pay property tax or insurance or rent? I feel like this is my money, and I shouldn’t have to spend it on his family.'

'I want to put the majority of it in trust funds to our two children so I can pass it on to them. And to be honest, I am seriously thinking about just taking my inheritance and getting a divorce and living happily ever after. Do you think I was being unreasonable?'

 

[StarTrekker]

You are not unreasonable. Your money is your money and I think it is wise to save it for your children. Get rid of the freeloaders.

 

[Mrtnst]

I certainly don't think that you are being unreasonable.

It's your right to use the inheritance from your parents as you feel appropriate.

 

[outbacksant]

Regardless of anything, if you did build them a house, they should definitely pay rent, insurance, etc...
No you are not being unreasonable!

 

[JackiW]

Your parents wanted you to have this money, so enjoy it by doing exactly what you want to do and not what anyone else thinks that you should do.

 

[Luckyus]

One word answer, well really two. Fuckem?

 

[Jo Piper3]

You already cared for his parents and sister. They should be grateful to you and not expect any more.

 

[wendell]

Put your money away as quickly as you can - your husband is a sucker
do what you want to do ***

 

[Marilynne]

After all those years of looking after his family it's time to take care of yourself and your children - run for the hills and never look back

 

[Kman]

Sounds like they are money grubbers. Tell them to ring 1800 I don't give a @#$%.

 

[Muzza1532]

No you're not being unreasonable the rest of his family sound like entitled petulant children who want everything for nothing

 

[Shazza26]

You bought the family farm, you didn't inherit it. They may have received a portion of that money back in the day?

As a couple you have done plenty for your husband's family. Much more than most would have done.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all; your husband and his family are.

Keep the money.

The divorce part is not for me to comment on but taking care of your own children is your main game. Good on you for sticking to your guns.

Good luck.

 

[ARL]

The money should be for your family, which is you, your husband and children. Given the cost of housing and education, I would preference children. One consideration is, what would your family have wanted?
Your husband's family seem to have a sense of entitlement, and your husband is not considering or giving priority to his own family. I would be wary of giving him control of those funds. If he survives you what will he do with his inheritance? Will your children receive help if they need it?
Suggest reviewing your arrangements and safeguarding your share of current family wealth.
I would be VERY CONCERNED that your husband is not placing his family ( you and children) first, and very worried about the future together. That should only happen if you have excess wealth

 

[Andrew]

It's her money to do whatever she likes with it. When l got my inheritance I decided with my wife to demolish our old house which was cracking up and falling down due to subsidence. So we got a bigger , better house than before.My son wasn't too happy, but my daughter was overjoyed for us. They will benefit from it after we are gone .

 

[Jennylolo]

had you been given the farm maybe help, but you paid for it and paid out the loan. They are lucky they didn't have to chip in for the care of that one sister. Your children are your next kin not his siblings.

 

[MIZMAC]

Stick to your guns. Use the money as you see fit. Your come before jealous in-laws.
Maybe try to convince your husband of that. You both worked hard to buy the farm. Never an easy job with the vagaries of weather, markets etc.

 

[ARL]

The money should be for your family, which is you, your husband and children. Given the cost of housing and education, I would preference children. One consideration is, what would your family have wanted?
Your husband's family seem to have a sense of entitlement, and your husband is not considering or giving priority to his own family. I would be wary of giving him control of those funds. If he survives you what will he do with his inheritance? Will your children receive help if they need it?
Suggest reviewing your arrangements and safeguarding your share of current family wealth

I would add has any consideration been given by your husband's family to your relatives?

 

[Barbara V]

It's your money enjoy it and keep it in a separate account. I had a small amount of money left to me,bought my husband new set golf clubs and other stuff,did renovations on property. The rest for a rainy day or a bit of a splurge separate in my bank account

 

[Inferno4256]

Take the money and run sweetie as fast as you can

 

[Catss84]

No, you were not being unreasonable !! Stuff the leaches !!