[melnugro]

When it Rains ...​

A man goes into the confession booth at church.

"Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my son?" Asks the priest.

"Well, about a month ago I was in the library until closing time, and when I wanted to leave it started to rain very heavily and didn't let up. After some time me and the librarian lost our patience and... well.. partied all night, if you catch my drift."

"That is bad but not horrible, my son," Said the priest, "if it is a one-time slip, God will forgive you." "That's just the thing," said the man, "about a week ago I helped my neighbor fix her shutters, and when I wanted to go home it started raining heavily and... well.. you know, all night long."

The priest remains silent.
The man covers his face in his hands and starts sobbing, "What should I do now, father?"
"What should you DO??" Screamed the priest,
"You should get out of here right now before it rains!"

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Joke. Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table, Oh you are so stupid shouted Dick, Dick' said the father, Thats quite enough, now say you are sorry. Okay said Dick, I am sorry Jane you are so stupid.

 

[Veggiepatch]

Just after I was first married, the bride and I sat around the dining table and asked her to "Please pass the sugar, sugar". Then it became "Pass the honey, honey".

After a year or so, it was "Pass the tea, bag!"

That my friends, was the end of my marriage!

 

[mOiOz]

 

[Luckyus]

Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
The mechanic.
"The mechanic who?"
"Heard you wanted a rim job".

 

[Veggiepatch]

Knock, knock.
"ho's there?"
The mechanic.
"The mechanic who?"
"Heard you wanted a rim job".

It was a shit job....

 

[novezar]

Just after I was first married, the bride and I sat around the dining table and asked her to "Please pass the sugar, sugar". Then it became "Pass the honey, honey".

After a year or so, it was "Pass the tea, bag!"

That my friends, was the end of my marriage!

I take it though things weren't too sweet in the end.

 

[Luckyus]

It was a shit job....

Some bodies got to do it?

 

[Veggiepatch]

Some bodies got to do it?

Adelaide's Snowtown "Bodies In The Barrels" comes to mind....

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Joke. Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table, Oh you are so stupid shouted Dick, Dick' said the father, Thats quite enough, now say you are sorry. Okay said Dick, I am sorry Jane you are so stupid.

Dennis R's Morning Joke. Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table, Oh you are so stupid shouted Dick, Dick' said the father, Thats quite enough, now say you are sorry. Okay said Dick, I am sorry Jane you are so stupid.

Dennis R's Morning Joke. Knock - Knock, Who's there? Bjorn Bjorn who? Bjorn Free.

 

[Luckyus]

HIS NAME IS BOB.
BOB HAS NO ARMS.

"KNOCK,KNOCK"

"WHO'S THERE"

IT ISN'T BOB?

 

[Buchanfarmer]

My ex-wife, before we married was a very good meal maker - nit a cook but a very good meal maker. She sought out my heart with lovely dishes but she had my heart because of her desires agreeing with mine. That included things like making a family, building a house and so on. But her meals were delicious.
So we were married , hmmm a tea total wedding which my family and relies didn’t like much do they went outside and pissed up. My mum wasn’t happy. Eventually, after the party was gate crashed outside, we were not aware until years later, we went in my old XL Falcon for our honeymoon. First issue was the room was two single beds. I called the manager, whoops two nuns in a double. We got exchanged much apologies to everyone - when I booked I said it’s our wedding night. Must gave git lost in the fog.
So we slept. In the morning, there was a light plane airport beside the motel, was covered in toilet paper.
it was prepaid so we escaped early.
First meal at home was an over big can of peaches.
no creame. We awoke to the blasts of Train track works, nice.
It lasted 38 years. Sad we parted. Love her still though.

 

[DLHM]

It was a shit job....

Some bodies got to do it?

I’ll leave that to you two, @Veggiepatch and @Luckyus.