Things That Only Grandmothers Know: A Valueless Life?

Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by member Josephine G.

When I come to consider what lies behind the woes, difficulties, sickness and drear of the lives of many women of my generation, I come to the conclusion it is because underneath the daily grind that we ‘get on with’, there is a system of beliefs, rock-solid, unspoken, probably not recognised in any formed way, that we learned at our mother’s knee.



It is true for everyone that the unquestioned beliefs in the background of our lives determine how we live, our behaviours and our resistance. Without uncovering and revising our beliefs, we will always end up doing what we have always done. What I and many or most women took on board and were taught overtly or covertly was that our value lay in being a good wife and mother. That was our destiny, the true meaning of our lives. There was no deliberate intent of malice or even restriction, this is how it had always been and always would be.


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Do you agree or relate? Image Credit: Shutterstock



When I had my first daughter, the hospital chaplain gave me this unforgettable warning. ‘Remember, mother, she will forget everything you say and copy everything you do.’ In the beginning, the mother is the equivalent of a divine model, demonstrating what it means to be a woman, and we internalise that model long before we are able to think. We saw our mothers cooking and cleaning and serving us, but above all, serving and obeying her husband. He was lord and master, the final authority on all things. As observant little girls, we probably learned too how to subvert that authority, useful ways to manage or manipulate while keeping up the fiction of his superiority.

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Josephine
How true, how true, there is no reason to query anything you have written l am a true image of exactly that person.
I have raised four children to the best that I could, mostly as a single person. (My Husband was a person who travelled extensively)
Thank you for giving SDC the
Permission to quote your written work. It has had the effect of me knowing I am not alone. I suspect there are
hundreds, no thousands of us out there maybe more......
 
I couldn't have put it better myself, thank you for expressing how so many of us feel, and feel guilty about feeling because we want something else in life before we die.

Sadly, the same can be applied to men who have been brought up to be "the Breadwinner", rightly or not their roles have changed and they are lost between what they have been brought up to be and what they actually are now, one thing being a gentleman and treating women with respect but being "in the wrong" for doing so.
It certainly is a changing world for all of us of a certain age and none of us is sure where we fit anymore :(
 
i disagree. My Mum had to cook for shearers farm workers all without power. she was not a subservient person. she did what she had to living on a farm in nz. i am going back 80 years. power came in 1960. todays females would be totally useless.
 
Your mum, like so many others was awesome!!!! I think my issue is that I want that truth to be celebrated. The women like your mum, and mine, and the women through the wars were powerful and amazing. We have so much to be thankful for. And this in no way denegrates what the men were doing, I am a woman talking about women's experience.
 
Your mum, like so many others was awesome!!!! I think my issue is that I want that truth to be celebrated. The women like your mum, and mine, and the women through the wars were powerful and amazing. We have so much to be thankful for. And this in no way denegrates what the men were doing, I am a woman talking about women's experience.
i doubt if anyone of this generation would be rushing off to sign up for a war.. they are unable to organise their daily routines. everything is such an effort. they have everything that opens and shuts 2 cars +. each generation is different but i abhor the grizzling.
 
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Leaving a country that frowned on men whose wife had to out to work, my mum worked in factories to make her families’ life better in a new country. Never one to act subservient and play second fiddle, my father knew who ruled the roost. I was brought up to make sure I could stand on my own two feet if ever I was left to fend for myself. Now looking at my eighties I have done the same for my daughters.
 
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How true is all this sadly.
Woman are changing now, the young woman of today would not put up with what past generations have. And thank goodness it's changing. No one should be made to feel they have to abey anyone. For myself the best job in the world was being a mum and Grandma. But not for every woman. Now woman can have a career and motherhood and most have helpful partners now. Woman should have all the opportunity that men have in life now. Not just be good wives and mothers being staying at home like the old days. No woman is past her due by date because her baby days are over. We all have a lot to offer and give no matter what age.
Go girls.
Kind regards to all Vicki
 
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