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The Shovel
I woke to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and noticed a burglar sneaking through next door's garden.
Suddenly my neighbour came from nowhere and smacked him over the head with a spade, killing him instantly. He then began to dig a grave with the spade.
Astonished, I got back into bed.
My wife said "Darling you're shaking, what is it?"
"You'll never believe what I've just seen!" I said,
"That tosser next door has still got my bloody spade."