[Mister Data]

The Senility Prayer​

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I’m older (but refuse to grow up) here’s what I’ve discovered…

ONE – I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO – My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.​

THREE – I finally got my head together now my body is falling apart.

FOUR – Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded.

FIVE – All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.

SIX – If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN – It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT – Some days you are the dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

NINE – I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.

TEN – Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN – Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE – It’s hard to make a come back when you haven’t been anywhere.

THIRTEEN – The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN – If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN – When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN – It’s not hard to meet expenses…they’re everywhere.

SEVENTEEN – The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN – These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter…I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after.

NINETEEN – I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOT!!!