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The Baffling World of Social Media Hashtags
In the grand tapestry of human evolution, there have been a few missteps. The mullet, for instance. Reality television, another. But ladies and gents, I submit to you a contemporary contender for the "What Were We Thinking?" hall of fame: the hashtag.
There was a time when the humble hash, or pound sign, was a simple button on your phone, minding its own business, occasionally pressed during an automated call to confirm your identity. Now, it's the prelude to a cryptic, often nonsensical parade of words that trail behind it like tin cans tied to the back of a wedding car. Except nobody's celebrating.
Take a stroll down any social media avenue and you'll see them. #Love. #InstaGood. #Blessed. #Spoon. One of these things is not like the others, you think? That's precisely my point. They're as arbitrary as the next. They tell us to 'like' and 'share' for no reason other than the compulsive need for validation from strangers.
It's all become quite the circus. We've got influencers (a term as nebulous as a fart in a jacuzzi) telling us that to be anyone, you've got to master the art of hashtagging. It's not just about what you say; it's about the breadcrumb trail of #tags you leave behind.
I tried to engage with this tomfoolery. Posted a picture of my morning coffee. #Caffeine. #WakeUp. #WhyIsThisCold. And do you know what I got? A like from a chap who sells herbal Viagra. The connection? I'm still scratching my bald patch in bemusement.
The youngsters tell me it's all about "trending" and "going viral." If I wanted something viral, I'd lick a petri dish at the local lab, not broadcast my lunch to the world in hopes of becoming an internet sensation.
And when did we decide it was acceptable to replace a well-constructed argument or heartfelt message with a string of pound-signed gibberish? Political discourse? #Outraged. Philosophical debate? #Deep. Complex human emotion? #SadPanda.
It's as if we've distilled the vast complexity of human thought into a series of clickable catchphrases. I've seen some posts that are more hashtag than text! If Shakespeare were alive, would he write #ToBeOrNotToBe? Would Churchill declare #WeShallNeverSurrender?
Forgive me, dear readers, but I long for the days when a pound sign was just a precursor to numbers on a cheque, and birds were the ones doing all the tweeting. I'd like to think there's still hope for meaningful communication, one not obscured by a smokescreen of #ThisAndThats.
So, before I #WrapThisUp, I'll leave you with this. The next time you're about to share your life behind a barricade of hashtags, ask yourself: is it truly necessary, or is it just another way we're letting the richness of language slip through our #FingerTips?
Until next time, may your thoughts be clear, your communication straightforward, and your hashtags sparing. Stay cranky, my friends.
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