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Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

vPQGXsEeMxNI-q6h_tnIASaOVYAqvo5Y8VQoNmJRBszVR1RyiFLG5vIgM1-HWdJn2NfvNn2A7-yF3UvyQHCsvSzAUTj56TiqdRvjBJarTpx6brOeHYan9YVCgfNC7lkkyUbC8cU

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."


The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

4l2fhgjzTM4TlicZdTTophkQJIICtCSaSxA9ci54Xo1zvfsjnUqgX6x4lXrmV4suC5mDq27I-i9OT8GPpUZDg18QNBsqsui6yUpKd1IFBUQZC_-zPWuk-8HnA4B4lmbFeHXB0rA

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
 
Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.


vPQGXsEeMxNI-q6h_tnIASaOVYAqvo5Y8VQoNmJRBszVR1RyiFLG5vIgM1-HWdJn2NfvNn2A7-yF3UvyQHCsvSzAUTj56TiqdRvjBJarTpx6brOeHYan9YVCgfNC7lkkyUbC8cU

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."



The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"


4l2fhgjzTM4TlicZdTTophkQJIICtCSaSxA9ci54Xo1zvfsjnUqgX6x4lXrmV4suC5mDq27I-i9OT8GPpUZDg18QNBsqsui6yUpKd1IFBUQZC_-zPWuk-8HnA4B4lmbFeHXB0rA

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
 
Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.


vPQGXsEeMxNI-q6h_tnIASaOVYAqvo5Y8VQoNmJRBszVR1RyiFLG5vIgM1-HWdJn2NfvNn2A7-yF3UvyQHCsvSzAUTj56TiqdRvjBJarTpx6brOeHYan9YVCgfNC7lkkyUbC8cU

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."



The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"


4l2fhgjzTM4TlicZdTTophkQJIICtCSaSxA9ci54Xo1zvfsjnUqgX6x4lXrmV4suC5mDq27I-i9OT8GPpUZDg18QNBsqsui6yUpKd1IFBUQZC_-zPWuk-8HnA4B4lmbFeHXB0rA

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
Would his Father want him to go? He might be his Father but he hasn’t been a Dad to him. I’d be inclined not to go as he is a stranger really. But that’s just my opinion.
 
I would stay away. I did when my father passed in 2018. I have never regretted it.
I was the eldest of 3 daughters. I live on the other side of Australia. I had been summoned to go east to persuade our parents to go into care. Being the eldest I had to fire the bullets. There was never any love loss between us or my siblings. My mother had put paid to that in her own manipulative way. I went, my sisters seemed so nice but what it really was, to give me a false impression. I was expected to do the dirty work. Both sisters lived closer, saw our parents all the time but never had decency to share any of this with my own family. Deed done, I fired the bullets and got our parents into care almost immediately. You see I know the way through the health system and what had to be done first. The only problem then, became their home had to sorted, cleaned out and sold. No sisters to help, I did it all on my own and house was sold before the walls dried from being scrubbed.
I said my goodbyes and told the family I would be back in 6 weeks. Well 4 weeks later, I turn on Facebook to read my niece had announced on Facebook her grandfather died the previous evening and she was with him. I was floored. You see that morning I was about to organise flights for all my family to visit as a surprise. I was numb. My sisters couldn’t even have told me he was in hospital let alone tell me he died. I rang a sister and her reaction was well funeral will be tomorrow.
I refused to go and my own family were mortified about the way we were told.
Mum died 12 months later, I got a phone call telling me, but her funeral had already been held.
I haven’t spoken to any sisters or nieces since. Do I regret it, NO
They certainly made use of you, says a lot about them and nothing good. Feel for you. 💐💐💐
 
Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.


vPQGXsEeMxNI-q6h_tnIASaOVYAqvo5Y8VQoNmJRBszVR1RyiFLG5vIgM1-HWdJn2NfvNn2A7-yF3UvyQHCsvSzAUTj56TiqdRvjBJarTpx6brOeHYan9YVCgfNC7lkkyUbC8cU

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."



The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"


4l2fhgjzTM4TlicZdTTophkQJIICtCSaSxA9ci54Xo1zvfsjnUqgX6x4lXrmV4suC5mDq27I-i9OT8GPpUZDg18QNBsqsui6yUpKd1IFBUQZC_-zPWuk-8HnA4B4lmbFeHXB0rA

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
If he is unsure then he should go and maybe sit/ stand somewhere he doesn’t draw any attention and then leave quietly afterwards. He doesn’t have to stay. That way he’s paid his respect and doesn’t need to listen to everyone’s stories that he doesn’t want to hear.
 
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i don't know it all depends on what happened it;s up to you if you feel you should go you might regret it if you don't go but then you could have been to hurt to go good luck marg:unsure::cry:
 
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That's your choice. People do not understand if they have a close family ties. Not all of us have that for what ever reason.
I did not go to my mother's funeral
My father's I went to. Even if I had only spoken to my parents 3 times in 20 years. It's our choice. We are spose to have choices in our lives.
Stop judging us for something you know nothing about.
 
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This is stirring the memories.
My father left my Mum, brother, sister and me when I was tiny, although the memories are painful.
A year before I married, my brother contacted my father out of curiosity. My father requested to see my sister and me, but we refused. We knew it would hurt Mum too much, and I was still living at home.
Two months before my wedding, my father died.
Mum read it in the paper.
The day of his funeral, I went off to work, as normal
When I got home, I learned that my Mum, brother and sister had gone to the funeral.
It hurt me terribly.....they'd all been except me.
They saw the aunts and uncles and cousins, they have memories, whereas I have zilch.
I would prefer to regret that I went rather than regretting I didn't go.
Of course.....it's all very personal, and you have to do what is right for yourself, at the time you are making decisions.
 
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Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.


vPQGXsEeMxNI-q6h_tnIASaOVYAqvo5Y8VQoNmJRBszVR1RyiFLG5vIgM1-HWdJn2NfvNn2A7-yF3UvyQHCsvSzAUTj56TiqdRvjBJarTpx6brOeHYan9YVCgfNC7lkkyUbC8cU

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."



The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"


4l2fhgjzTM4TlicZdTTophkQJIICtCSaSxA9ci54Xo1zvfsjnUqgX6x4lXrmV4suC5mDq27I-i9OT8GPpUZDg18QNBsqsui6yUpKd1IFBUQZC_-zPWuk-8HnA4B4lmbFeHXB0rA

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
If he didn't see him when he was living its a bit useless going now .
 
This is stirring the memories.
My father left my Mum, brother, sister and me when I was tiny, although the memories are painful.
A year before I married, my brother contacted my father out of curiosity. My father requested to see my sister and me, but we refused. We knew it would hurt Mum too much, and I was still living at home.
Two months before my wedding, my father died.
Mum read it in the paper.
The day of his funeral, I went off to work, as normal
When I got home, I learned that my Mum, brother and sister had gone to the funeral.
It hurt me terribly.....they'd all been except me.
They saw the aunts and uncles and cousins, they have memories, whereas I have zilch.
I would prefer to regret that I went rather than regretting I didn't go.
Of course.....it's all very personal, and you have to do what is right for yourself, at the time you are making decisions.
Similar here, we only heard that my father had passed away one year later and our so called brother was left everything, this we didn't mind has he had taken care of my father. It seems my father had written in his will that my sister and I should not be left anything, The oddest part was I didn't feel anything for him and his passing, felt more about my dog dying that my father, oddly that upset me, me feeling that way!. Sadly after all these years I still miss my dog :)
 
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Oh! I know how you feel.....I was always the scapegoat for my mother with her nasty ways.....nothing that I did was right from a very early age. No one from her family or my fathers could stand her, so consequently when she was sick (after her 5 nervous breakdowns) I had to stay at home to look after her so that my Dad could go to work to look after her, myself and my little brother. Nothing changed my whole life, always back stabbing me to other people behind my back, and then I would be told by other people what she had said. Anyway long story short at the age of 35, married to a wonderful husband with 2 beautiful children, and the home wrecker finally had her last attempt to break my marriage and failed. Did not like being told "NO", and before she died I was given the last of her back stabbing straight to my face....."only bore you to look after me in my old age" No sorry or I love you, or any thanks for looking after her my whole life to that point. Even my brother his wife and children would have nothing to do with her. I still get chills down the back of my neck when speaking about her. I went to her funeral to make sure that she was truly gone and I had peace in my life from then on. At one point I thought I would go to court and get her completely out of my life, but I knew that I would hurt my Dad terribly so I did not go through with it
 
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Reactions: Ezzy and DrChip
Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.


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The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."



The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"


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The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?
I was accused by my father & step mother of never wanting to see my father. The fact was that whenever l phoned to go & see him or invite him over he, "couldn't plan that far ahead" (even if it was tomorrow). I still went to his funeral & listened to the b.s. & kept my opinion to myself because l could stand tall knowing the truth.
 
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I didn't, when he died I didn't feel anything so why go and hear all the absolute bull dust that a lot hear at funerals, I was more upset about my dog passing, took me two years to get over Rusty, Compared to less than the minute when my so called, very physically abusive father died, though to be honest and no disrespect to my mother, (mind you she didn't care anyway as long as he left her alone it was my problem) I was never sure that I was his offspring, a mix up in the hospital as we were so different in everything. When I was young I use to hope someone would come and say there has been a mistake, I hated him, terrible thing to say but that how I felt and still do. The best thing that came out of it was that it made me a better, more honest man, father and husband, so no complaints here. :)
 
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I didn't, when he died I didn't feel anything so why go and hear all the absolute bull dust that a lot hear at funerals, I was more upset about my dog passing, took me two years to get over Rusty, Compared to less than the minute when my so called, very physically abusive father died, though to be honest and no disrespect to my mother, (mind you she didn't care anyway as long as he left her alone it was my problem) I was never sure that I was his offspring, a mix up in the hospital as we were so different in everything. When I was young I use to hope someone would come and say there has been a mistake, I hated him, terrible thing to say but that how I felt and still do. The best thing that came out of it was that it made me a better, more honest man, father and husband, so no complaints here. :)
I think my sister shed the most tears when my dad died (suicide), not so my brother or l & just like you l still mourn the passing of my pet dogs more than 2 years after their passing. As happened my sister was rewarded after my step mother died with $150,000 compared to $20,000 each for my brother & l.
 
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