[Sean Camara]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

 

[emcneil1947&gmail.com]

If he was only your father, no don't go, 30 years is too long.
But if he was your Dad then yes you should go, there is a diffrence.
My father was an a*hole just biological. My dad was a great man I still live my life to his values

Don't go. Surely it would be hypocritical to go to his funeral. For some reason he chose NOT to include you, and your family, in his life. By the sounds of your letter, NEITHER one of you made the effort to reunite. WE all make our own choices in this life, seems both YOU and YOUR DAD made yours.

 

[GLS]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

Have you ever noticed how many people attend the funeral of someone they haven't seen in years (decades even) ....... more visitors in one day than in a year. No, he should not attend. Why? What reason? He hasn't had anything to do with him in 30 years and it's a bit late now. I have requested no funeral when I pass. If people cannot visit me when I am alive it is way to late when I am dead.

 

[emcneil1947&gmail.com]

I don't go to ANYONES funeral unless I know them very well. It's hypocritical to go to a persons funeral that YOU have had nothing to do with, and have NOT any honest, real emotion for that person. Sticky beeks, that's what these people are.. I don't even go to family funerals if they, nor I, have seen or heard from them in years...

 

[Joy Brown]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

I think that this is a personal matter and not our business. There are reasons possibly known only to this person. Who are we to comment.
I have known others who made the same decision and they had everyvright in their decision.

 

[Lynette Finnigan]

I would stay away. I did when my father passed in 2018. I have never regretted it.
I was the eldest of 3 daughters. I live on the other side of Australia. I had been summoned to go east to persuade our parents to go into care. Being the eldest I had to fire the bullets. There was never any love loss between us or my siblings. My mother had put paid to that in her own manipulative way. I went, my sisters seemed so nice but what it really was, to give me a false impression. I was expected to do the dirty work. Both sisters lived closer, saw our parents all the time but never had decency to share any of this with my own family. Deed done, I fired the bullets and got our parents into care almost immediately. You see I know the way through the health system and what had to be done first. The only problem then, became their home had to sorted, cleaned out and sold. No sisters to help, I did it all on my own and house was sold before the walls dried from being scrubbed.
I said my goodbyes and told the family I would be back in 6 weeks. Well 4 weeks later, I turn on Facebook to read my niece had announced on Facebook her grandfather died the previous evening and she was with him. I was floored. You see that morning I was about to organise flights for all my family to visit as a surprise. I was numb. My sisters couldn’t even have told me he was in hospital let alone tell me he died. I rang a sister and her reaction was well funeral will be tomorrow.
I refused to go and my own family were mortified about the way we were told.
Mum died 12 months later, I got a phone call telling me, but her funeral had already been held.
I haven’t spoken to any sisters or nieces since. Do I regret it, NO

What a terrible way to be treated... I've seen it time and again.. the family member who does all the work, gets shafted by family who do nothing and want the lions share when it's all sold off!!

 

[Gerada]

It sounds like you need to go for foreclosure for yourself. My father cut me out of his life, will, everything. I rang hospital to see if he wanted me to visit & he said, " Tell her to get f::::" my siblings & mother, pleaded with me to go to say goodbye. I went for them. My 3 adult sons refused to attend & I respected their decision. I had no feelings, except sadness, that he was such a brutal person in our lives.

 

[KayDee]

If you go, go for you.

 

[Freddie]

I wouldn't go. He's dead! I didn't go to my father's and I don't do funerals anyway only for close family. My father was not close so why would I? He won't know if you are there or not and probably wouldn't care if he did.

 

[Micky]

My father lived in WA when he passed with alzeimers in a nursing home. We hadn't seen him since he left us in Melbourne 30 years ago to go and start a new life in Townsville (he returned to Melbourne once years later only to say he 'couldn't say one good thing about us''. My little brother was only in his early teens when my father left me and my two sisters to raise him. He told us numerous times that he never wanted children and it was my mother that wanted children. Unfortunately we lost our mother to cancer in 1972 when we were aged from 13 down to 2. My father told us he wanted to put us up for adoption but ended up keeping us at home and married his housekeeper who had 3 children of her own and was abusive to us. Just before my father passed his 3rd wife asked him if he wanted to come to Melbourne and see us one more time after many years apart and he said ''No, I don't think so". That spoke volumes to me about how he felt about us and that was the final decider for us 4 siblings. We would not be spending money on airfares from Melbourne to WA to attend a funeral for someone who had never given a jot about us EVER!! I think we were the bigger people we had always tried to connect with him but he was never interested in us.

 

[OldBells]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

I think you should go and forgive him. He might not deserve it but you deserve to know that you have done the right thing and you can then have peace in your own mind. Your Grandparents will be there and they will know your circumstances, don't let him make you be like him in death. Whatever you decide i feel for you and think it will be the right decision for you, yourself .

 

[Groovy]

Forgiveness is a great healer!! If he goes, he’ll be at peace with himself. Who cares what others will think……..it’s his conscience!

 

[Macgregor]

Oh! I know how you feel.....I was always the scapegoat for my mother with her nasty ways.....nothing that I did was right from a very early age. No one from her family or my fathers could stand her, so consequently when she was sick (after her 5 nervous breakdowns) I had to stay at home to look after her so that my Dad could go to work to look after her, myself and my little brother. Nothing changed my whole life, always back stabbing me to other people behind my back, and then I would be told by other people what she had said. Anyway long story short at the age of 35, married to a wonderful husband with 2 beautiful children, and the home wrecker finally had her last attempt to break my marriage and failed. Did not like being told "NO", and before she died I was given the last of her back stabbing straight to my face....."only bore you to look after me in my old age" No sorry or I love you, or any thanks for looking after her my whole life to that point. Even my brother his wife and children would have nothing to do with her. I still get chills down the back of my neck when speaking about her. I went to her funeral to make sure that she was truly gone and I had peace in my life from then on. At one point I thought I would go to court and get her completely out of my life, but I knew that I would hurt my Dad terribly so I did not go through with it.

 

[WADuck]

Been there done that and 40 odd years on have no regrets. He left us destitute and no contact
until his dying days when HE wanted assistance, he was not my dad nor my father I just referred to him as his christian name.

 

[Singomate]

Father's funeral, I went to my Father's did not go into the Church or to grave side . I prefer to remember him prior to death.Is that wrong

 

[Laurine]

Of course he should. If he doesn’t it will feel guilt and it will play on his mind till his dying day. He should go to his fathers funeral and find forgiveness so he will have peace in his life knowing he did the right thing.

 

[SGH]

Opinions are like a***holes, everyone has one. Go / don't go. If you need social media to make up your mind your a bigger fool than you sound. Save yourself the whole day it is going to take to attend this funeral and take out your wife and children and be thankful for what you have.

 

[Suek]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not

Find out if the service is going. To be streamed and you can watch the service privately at your own home

 

[thinkbeforedecide]

I would stay away. I did when my father passed in 2018. I have never regretted it.
I was the eldest of 3 daughters. I live on the other side of Australia. I had been summoned to go east to persuade our parents to go into care. Being the eldest I had to fire the bullets. There was never any love loss between us or my siblings. My mother had put paid to that in her own manipulative way. I went, my sisters seemed so nice but what it really was, to give me a false impression. I was expected to do the dirty work. Both sisters lived closer, saw our parents all the time but never had decency to share any of this with my own family. Deed done, I fired the bullets and got our parents into care almost immediately. You see I know the way through the health system and what had to be done first. The only problem then, became their home had to sorted, cleaned out and sold. No sisters to help, I did it all on my own and house was sold before the walls dried from being scrubbed.
I said my goodbyes and told the family I would be back in 6 weeks. Well 4 weeks later, I turn on Facebook to read my niece had announced on Facebook her grandfather died the previous evening and she was with him. I was floored. You see that morning I was about to organise flights for all my family to visit as a surprise. I was numb. My sisters couldn’t even have told me he was in hospital let alone tell me he died. I rang a sister and her reaction was well funeral will be tomorrow.
I refused to go and my own family were mortified about the way we were told.
Mum died 12 months later, I got a phone call telling me, but her funeral had already been held.
I haven’t spoken to any sisters or nieces since. Do I regret it, NO

It sound like you are unlucky to have quiet terrible sisters so don't feel guilty if you don't want to contact them again. However, have you ever sit and talk with them to find out why they are so hostile with you?

 

[Strawb]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

I was informed by my older brother that our father had passed away. I thanked him and left it at that. My brother complained to our mother that "I didn't care" .. why should I - I had not seen or heard from him in 35 years, so he was a stranger to me.
I don't feel guilty and neither should you.

 

[Mindygirl12022]

Should you go to your father’s funeral despite him distancing himself from you for 30 years? Social media divided on a heated debate​

A British man's dilemma on whether he should go to his father's funeral has stirred a heated debate among social media users.

Can you see what the fuss is all about?

The man, who claimed to have not spoken to his father for 30 years, has taken to Reddit to share his predicament on whether he should bid his farewell to his late father, saying that he's torn because his father's funeral is going to be held 90 minutes away from him.

The man claimed that he has not been in touch with his deceased father for 30 years. Credit: Getty Images.​

Reddit user @GeeGeeDub said that he has been in a "weird place" after learning of his father's death, admitting that it might be awkward and bizarre to listen to people tell their stories about how kind and generous his father had been to them given that he himself has not benefited from any of those said qualities.

He claimed that his father had never shown interest in knowing how he had been nor had he reached out to at least get to know his grandkids.

However, the Reddit user said that he might regret missing the funeral his whole life.

He wrote: "OK Reddit, I am in a weird place right now. I found out a couple of days ago that my father died last week. I've had no contact with him at all for 30+ years although I'm still in contact with my paternal grandmother and my uncle."

"So far as I'm aware he has never shown an interest in my life or that of my own kids. As a family he is never discussed, proper British stiff upper lip an' all, and I've spent a lot of my adult life burying the fact that I feel a huge sense of abandonment by his lack of contact."

​

The man claimed that he only learned of his father's death through social media.

"'I've found through the powers of social media when his funeral is and it's only a 90-minute drive away. On the Facebook post, there are people saying what a lovely, loving and generous man he was. Traits I've certainly never benefited from," he penned.

"I've spent a long time blaming him for decisions he made when I was a kid and actions that he hasn't taken as time has moved on. But I am in a really strange place. I don't miss him because I never had him. But until Monday I always had the hope that one day he'd want to make contact and make the effort."

"If I don't go to the funeral will I regret it? If I go and have to sit through 25 minutes of people saying how great he was will it make me feel worse? I am normally a very reserved and controlled person, but if I go will I end up heckling and ruining it for everyone else there? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you end up doing? How did it go for you?"

The man was torn whether he should attend his father’s funeral. Credit: Getty Images.​

The Reddit community seemed to have divided opinions on the matter, with some arguing that he should not visit his father's funeral as the father clearly neglected him and has made it clear that he had cut his ties with him.

One user wrote: "I'd say don't go, you have your own life that you've made without him. You got to where you are without him, so what will hearing about him achieve for you?"

"You don't have the emotional attachment as 30 years would quell that but if there's a free buffet then maybe," another sarcastically added.

A third chimed in: "You don't need to go to a funeral to say goodbye especially if you were estranged. Going might make you feel awkward. I'd stay at home and say a quiet goodbye in private."

Others urged the man to go as his suspicions of him regretting not attending the funeral might hound him for the rest of his life.

One comment read: "You've achieved a lot without his support and you should be proud of that. You shouldn't concern yourself over what other people might think of him. If you think that other people would like you to be there and you are ok to be there then I would recommend you attend."

"Will there be relatives, even distant ones, that you'd be interested in seeing again and would probably be there?" one user asked.

"That would sway my decision. I think I would probably go, prepared to leave quickly if I felt like I needed to."

A third quipped: "Yes. Do it for you, not him. You probably won't regret going but you probably would regret not going."

How about you? What are your thoughts on this? Should the man attend the funeral or not?

Going on what I have read, having had a Mother-in-Law who ignored our family (our child as well), and not having a thought of going to her funeral, I'd say no.