Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne

 

[JedCorella]

Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University.
First of all I find it a bit rich that a member of the Catholic University is putting out a paper on child abuse given the Catholic Churches' history on Decades, more likely Centuries of institutionalised child abuse that was covered up.
Secondly corporal punishment has not been present in the Australian school system for decades. Please don't manipulate facts. It destroys credibility.
Thirdly, I was at school in Australia when The Cane" was and everyday occurrence and was administered by most male teachers.
I was never mentally scarred, grew up to be a violent criminal or had suicidal issues nor did any of my school friends.
I am not promoting or condoning physical abuse and there certainly is a difference between a smack and beating a child senseless which I know that the Catholic Church took part in. One of my friends is mentally scarred for life as a result.
My last point. Try reasoning with an out of control 4 year old that has no intention of listening in the first place and is screaming like a siren? I wonder if Professor Higgins and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne have children of their own?
Just saying.

 

[Chrissie]

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne

My 18 month old got used to grabbing anything, such as face washers, running into the toilet and flushing them. Not wanting to smack him, I tried running after him and growling at him. He then learned to flush the item and run out growling. A short smack on his bottom (which had a nappy on) changed his mind. I never smacked him after that.

 

[DiMcg]

You can’t just walk outside to calm down leaving a child inside going ballistic, to me that won’t work either.

 

[TomDevine55]

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne

Hence the little criminals and badly behaved kids who have all these issues because they werent chastised by weak parents and grandparents who think that it is societies job to raise kids as long as they dont have to take charge. A disciplined child with boundaries becomes a better adult. It says here children will take responsibilities for thier behaviour, in what universe does this apply and does the person giving this advice have children.

 

[Chrissie]

Hence the little criminals and badly behaved kids who have all these issues because they werent chastised by weak parents and grandparents who think that it is societies job to raise kids as long as they dont have to take charge. A disciplined child with boundaries becomes a better adult. It says here children will take responsibilities for thier behaviour, in what universe does this apply and does the person giving this advice have children.

When my son attended Prep. he was playing after school and wouldn't come when I asked him to. He ignored my request. I asked him if he wanted a slap to which he replied "if you hit me, I'll report you for child abuse".

 

[Ju6l0ie]

I don't agree with smacking children, imo it teaches them it's ok to lash out and hit others in anger.
I believe it's lazy parenting.
When I was young I did get small smacks because my Mum, god love her was so stressed out and let's face it, that's what people did.
I admit I smacked a few times, again because I was at my wit's end and child was playing up (lazy parenting) if I had my life over I would never smack a child..
My daughter (school teacher) NEVER smacked her 3 kids who are now 21, 18 and 8
All wonderful well behaved and respectful kids
And know my great grand daughter 1 is going to be brought up the same its not needed!
They do need discipline
But there are many ways to teach without resorting to violenceand that is what smacking/hitting is.
This is my opinion

 

[LadyMoonlight]

A good smack on the arse never made me, my brothers or my sister criminals or gave us psychological problems. A good smack on the arse never gave my son or my daughter psychological problems or made them criminals or unreasonable people. A good smack on the arse never made my four grand-daughters criminals, or gave them psychological problems. My brothers, sister, children and grand-children are all self-disciplines, reasonable and responsible adults and teenagers. One cannot reason with an 18 month old or a 2 year old when they do something that can hurt them and a smack is a quicker, smaller hurt than getting electrocuted or injured in some other way. We have the society we have today because parents won't properly discipline their kids. Putting them in the naughty corner to think about their actions and say sorry teaches them two things; sorry is a word that can be used to manipulate parents' emotions and thinking about their actions gives them time to develop the skills to manipulate the situation. All is forgiven if one just says sorry - manipulation.

 

[Ricci]

There is a world of difference between a short. sharp smack and a beating. Both my kids got a smack when behavior dictated and both managed to grow up into well-adjusted adults. So long as the smack is the last line of discipline and not the go to first option I can't see anything really wrong with it. It's often not the pain of the smack but the surprise of getting one that stops the negative behavior. So long as the child knows deep in their bones that they are loved and cherished and that a smack comes from a place of love, a fear of inflicting hurt, a desire to keep the child safe and the responsibility of bringing up a child.

 

[TomDevine55]

When my son attended Prep. he was playing after school and wouldn't come when I asked him to. He ignored my request. I asked him if he wanted a slap to which he replied "if you hit me, I'll report you for child abuse".

Yes my children pulled that, I called their bluff and said if you dont want to live under our rules then theres the door.

 

[lozat54]

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne

Good advice, but let’s remember parents are human too & they’re doing the hardest & most important job EVER, for which there is no training!!

 

[DrChip]

Today, if a parent smacks a child mid-tantrum in the supermarket, they are likely to get looks of disapproval from other shoppers. Smacking is not as socially acceptable as it used to be.

Recent research shows only 15% of people aged 16-24 view physical discipline as necessary to properly raise children. This compares with 38% of people over 65.

But it still happens – and it is very harmful to children. So we need to help parents find alternative methods of discipline.

It is more common than you might think​

In 2017, the royal commission into child sexual abuse recommended a national study on how common child abuse is in Australia. Early findings released last month revealed 61% of those aged 16-24 said they were physically hit for discipline four or more times during their childhood.


The research also found those who were hit had almost double the risk of depression and anxiety. This partly because those who had been smacked as a child may have also experienced other forms of mistreatment, such as harsh parental reactions, neglect or insufficient support.

This fits with other research showing negative consequences if children are smacked or hit. A 2016 review of more than 70 international studies showed it was linked to reduced compliance with parents’ instructions over time, children having increased aggression and antisocial behaviour, mental health problems, and lower self-esteem.

In adulthood, it is also linked to antisocial behaviour and being either a victim or perpetrator of intimate partner violence.

What does the law say?​

Currently, the use of reasonable force for the purpose of discipline in the home remains lawful under criminal law provisions or common law principles made by courts. This is despite the fact it is illegal in most Australian states and territories in other settings such as schools, or between adults – where it is classed as assault.

Many countries are changing their laws because they understand the harms and because it is a violation of children’s right to live a life free from violence. Already, 63 countries have banned corporal punishment for children, including New Zealand, Sweden, Denmark, South Korea, Wales, Scotland, France and Japan.

Parenting and family researchers have long been pushing for an end to corporal punishment in Australia as well.

Parenting is stressful​

But this is not just about law reform. Raising kids can be challenging at the best of times. Kids misbehave or may not be in control of their emotions, and parents need to provide guidance to their children about what is appropriate behaviour.

The good news is there are evidence-based alternatives to smacking. These are strategies that aim to help children understand what behaviours are expected, teach them to work through their feelings and learn how to repair a situation or solve a problem.

These approaches lead to much better outcomes for parents and children, including more realistic expectations on the part of the parent and a better relationship between the parent and child. They also improve a child’s well-being and mental health.

So, what are the alternatives to smacking?​

Here are some approaches to consider with your child:

1. Give clear and consistent limits about what you expect

Children need to know how you want them to behave and for this to be clear. An example might be: “It’s not OK to hit your brother” or “You can’t take lollies off the supermarket shelves without asking me first.”

2. Manage your own emotions

Anger is contagious, so try not to lose your temper in front of your kids. Instead, pause before you react: take three deep breaths, have a cold drink of water, or step outside for a moment.

3. Be a good role model for your child when you don’t manage situations well

Parents need to show how they manage their own emotions - or make amends when they act in less-than-ideal ways. Parents should be brave enough to say “I’m sorry I got angry and shouted at you. I wasn’t very patient.”

4. Explore the emotions behind behaviour

Kids can be uncertain or confused by their emotions. So, try and help them understand their feelings. This could include saying something like “I can see you felt left out and jealous”.

Also validate their emotions because this helps them feel accepted by you while learning to understand and manage their feelings. For example, say “It’s difficult when this happens”.

When they are calmer, you could explore other feelings behind their actions.

This is about separating feelings (jealousy, frustration) from behaviour (hitting). All feelings are okay, but not all behaviours.

5. Resolve problems when everyone is calm

No one can think, talk or listen properly if they are upset. Take time to do some breathing or something soothing with your child. Or perhaps they need a run around to release strong feelings.

6. Support children to make amends

When everyone is calmer, help them work out the solution or next step. This teaches them how to resolve situations, repair relationships and take responsibility for their behaviour. You might say something like, “It can be embarrassing saying sorry to someone you’ve been angry with. What do you think might help?”

7. Explore natural consequences

If something is broken, children might need to fix it, use pocket money to replace it, or explore what might make the situation better.

Children need family rules about behaviour and it can be useful to discuss what should happen if these are broken.

Getting discipline right is not easy as a parent, grandparent or carer. And this can be especially difficult if you were brought up with smacking (and have older relatives telling you it is “fine”).

It’s worth remembering a slogan frequently used when we talk about an end to smacking: “children are unbeatable”. They deserve the same protection from violence as adults.

This article was first published on The Conversation, and was written by Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne

More goverment intervention a smack on the bum didnt hurt any child, sure there is a limit that's called abuse but how are they going to govern it, cameras in house. Next they will be telling what sexual position we must adhere to.

 

[Thecla]

Daryl Higgins Professor & Director, Institute of Child Protection Studies from Australian Catholic University.
First of all I find it a bit rich that a member of the Catholic University is putting out a paper on child abuse given the Catholic Churches' history on Decades, more likely Centuries of institutionalised child abuse that was covered up.
Secondly corporal punishment has not been present in the Australian school system for decades. Please don't manipulate facts. It destroys credibility.
Thirdly, I was at school in Australia when The Cane" was and everyday occurrence and was administered by most male teachers.
I was never mentally scarred, grew up to be a violent criminal or had suicidal issues nor did any of my school friends.
I am not promoting or condoning physical abuse and there certainly is a difference between a smack and beating a child senseless which I know that the Catholic Church took part in. One of my friends is mentally scarred for life as a result.
My last point. Try reasoning with an out of control 4 year old that has no intention of listening in the first place and is screaming like a siren? I wonder if Professor Higgins and Sophie Havighrust Professor from The University of Melbourne have children of their own?
Just saying.

Very well said!!! and my thoughts as well. Al;l I see these days is a child throwing a tantrum...mum trying to reason with the child..... the child still going off.....mum still trying to reason.....child still going off.....mum doing what child wants. I got smacked....didn't do it again, I am not scarred. I heard the cane in action at school....most of those chose the cane to get it over and done with rather than detention...I don't know of any of those being scarred for life...(Ohhh maybe my hubby...he has to put up with me hahahahaha for 42 years now)