[Luckyus]

Random Tales​

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
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Roses are red. Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
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A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem,
so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up.
One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised.
She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him,
“Why did you stand up?” He answered,
“I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
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Whenever your ex says,
"You'll never find someone like me,"
The answer to that is,
"That's the point and the pound."
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Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
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A man is lying on the beach,
wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch.
A woman passing by remarks,
"If you were any sort of a gentleman,
You would lift your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."
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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure.
In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

 

[Luckyus]

A wife asked her husband,
"What do you like most in me,
my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied,
"I love your sense of humor!"

 

[Luckyus]

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god.
I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

 

[Luckyus]

Did you hear about the two bald guys who
put their heads together?
They made an ass out of themselves!

 

[Luckyus]

Why doesn't Mexico have a Olympic team?
Because everybody that can run, jump,
And swim are already in the U.S

 

[Luckyus]

A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."
Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

 

[Luckyus]

I'm not calling you a slut,
I'm calling you a penny: two faced,
worthless, and in everyone's pants.

 

[Luckyus]

I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today.
He had a Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red.
He caught me staring at him and in a nasty voice asked,
"What the fuck are you looking at?"
I replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age
I had sex with a parrot. I thought maybe you were my son."

 

[Luckyus]

A certain politicians Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a cock sucker again!?

 

[Luckyus]

You are so ugly, the last time you got a piece of arse was when your hand slipped through the toilet paper.

 

[Luckyus]

A man siting at a bar asked a pretty woman sitting next to him, Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "Get away from me, you pervert," she replied. "Oh, I'm sorry," exclaims the man, "It must be your feet."

 

[Luckyus]

A man asks a woman, "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" The woman responds, "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

 

[Luckyus]

A certain cretin politician has got his head so far up his arse he can chew his food twice

 

[Luckyus]

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

 

[Luckyus]

I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla.

 

[Luckyus]

Tony: "Were you born on the highway?"
Jim: "Uh no, why?"
Tony: "Because that's where most accidents happen."

 

[Luckyus]

You're lucky mirrors don't talk, or laugh for that matter.

 

[Luckyus]

Well, they do say opposites attract.
So I sincerely hope you meet somebody
who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

 

[Luckyus]

A guy is sitting at a bar, and a drunk dude walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The first guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk dude comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The first guy looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk dude walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what, Dad? Go home!"

 

[Luckyus]

So, a thought crossed a politicians mind?
Must have been a long and lonely journey.