[Wandiwa]

Puns.​

Never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me but I stand corrected.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only twelve inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno, dos ..." Poof. He disappeared without a tres.

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.

My son was chewing on electric cords so I had to ground him. It's OK, though, he's doing better and conducting himself accordingly.

My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, "Nobody move!"

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, "Sure, knock yourself out!”

I got into a fight today with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were really against me.

In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

97% of people are stupid...glad I'm in the other 5%.

The Lord said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.", but John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

 

[Dougal]

Puns.​

Never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me but I stand corrected.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only twelve inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno, dos ..." Poof. He disappeared without a tres.

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.

My son was chewing on electric cords so I had to ground him. It's OK, though, he's doing better and conducting himself accordingly.

My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, "Nobody move!"

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, "Sure, knock yourself out!”

I got into a fight today with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were really against me.

In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

97% of people are stupid...glad I'm in the other 5%.

The Lord said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.", but John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

Several electricians were needed to fix the faulty lamp
because many hands make light work.

 

[Mikeyboy2012]

Puns.​

Never thought orthopedic shoes would really work for me but I stand corrected.

Once upon a time there was a king who was only twelve inches tall. He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three. He says, "Uno, dos ..." Poof. He disappeared without a tres.

I wrote a book on how to fall down the stairs. It's a step by step guide.

My son was chewing on electric cords so I had to ground him. It's OK, though, he's doing better and conducting himself accordingly.

My friend claims that he "accidentally" glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

An armed man ran into a real estate agency and shouted, "Nobody move!"

I asked the surgeon if I could administer my own anesthetic. He said, "Sure, knock yourself out!”

I got into a fight today with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9. The odds were really against me.

In Britain it's called a lift but Americans call it an elevator. I guess we were just raised differently.

97% of people are stupid...glad I'm in the other 5%.

The Lord said to John, "Come forth and ye shall receive eternal life.", but John came fifth and got a toaster instead.

Really good jokes. Thank you!

 

[Shuffs]

Sally forth. No, she fell over and came fifth.

 

[margie]

 

[Dougal]

A nun and a clown got married; and on their wedding night in bed, the nun
said to the clown "Do I get on top of you, or do you get on top of me?"

"It would be best if I got on top of you" the clown replied "Because if you, as
a nun, got on top of me as a clown, that would be virgin on the ridiculous"