[Ally Castillo]

Mum sparks heated debate for not inviting one student to her daughter's birthday party.​

For most of us, birthdays are a special occasion. It’s a chance to celebrate another year well-lived, and to feel loved and surrounded by our friends and family. For kids, birthdays become a whole new ordeal.

One tradition that kids often look forward to is throwing a birthday party. A fun gathering with games, decorations, presents, and cake! What could be better? But sometimes planning a birthday party can turn out to be more stressful than expected.

Just ask this mum who spurred a lively discussion on Reddit, a popular social media forum, after she invited her daughter’s entire class to her birthday party – except for one student.

The 28-year-old mum took to Reddit to ask if she was being unreasonable. The mum wrote that her seven-year-old daughter, Payton, goes to a small school with 20 other kids in her grade.

She followed that up with: ‘Her birthday party is next month and we sent out invitations to her friends at school. We invited the whole class except one student.’

Is Payton’s mum being unreasonable or is she just protecting her daughter? Credit: Ron Lach in Pexels

Of course, the mum clarified the situation to people quickly. ‘The student we did not invite has bullied Payton several times.’ She also said that she and her husband have had meetings with the school and parents.

‘Obviously, Payton doesn’t want this kid at her party.’ She explained.

However, the other girl’s mother contacted her and said that her child feels left out. She said that the other mum called her to say that her daughter is crying about how she was the only kid not invited, and everyone at school is talking about the party. ‘Payton’s parties are known by her classmates to be very over-the-top.’ The mum wrote in the post.

‘The mother said I’m teaching my child to be a “bully” and using her wealth to make friends. I disagreed.’

The mum doesn’t want her child to feel uncomfortable at her own birthday party. Credit: Ron Lach in Pexels

The mum then explained to the other girl’s mother that ‘her daughter isn’t nice to my daughter, and that’s the reason she wasn’t invited—the mother knows this’. But then, the other kid’s mother asked that, if she had her daughter apologise and write a letter to Payton, would she and her husband reconsider?

‘I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mum.’ She said in the forum thread. The mum also clarified that Payton’s birthday invitations were not handed out in the classroom, instead, she handed them to the parents directly.

Many users were quick to come to the defence of Payton’s mum. One person commented: ‘Your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. This is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she’s upset about that. Which I guess is understandable, but here is the thing: Mum didn’t offer an apology before the party.’

‘Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that a 7yr old has a rep for throwing “over the top” parties?’ One person wrote in the comments. Credit: Silvia Trigo

‘She is only doing it now because her kid is the “victim”.’ The same user further explained that Payton doesn’t deserve to be walking on eggshells at her party. ‘Your child deserves to feel safe.’ They said.

Someone else wrote, ‘This is a great time for the bully’s mum to teach them that actions have consequences.’

One psychologist even chimed in and agreed that this is one of the few instances where excluding a child from a party is appropriate. ‘It would be a horrible violation of your daughter’s boundaries to bring her school bully into her safe place, her home.’

Key Takeaways

• A mum has sparked a heated debate after she invited everyone in her daughter’s class to the little girl’s birthday party - except for one student.
• The student they excluded is Payton’s bully.
• Thousands of people have rallied behind the mum, with most applauding her for not inviting the bully to her daughter’s birthday.
• One psychologist said that ‘Excluding the bully kid from the party is not bullying, it’s maintaining boundaries.’

Well, there you have it, folks! What did you think of this mum’s story? Do you think Payton’s mum did the right thing? What would you do in this situation? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below!

 

[relljube]

Still think the mum was over stating her point by inviting every other child in the class.
Would she have still invited everyone if the bully wasn't a bully.

Again they are only 7 ....7 I look at my 6 year old granddaughter and think she is still a baby.
I would so like to talk to these two mothers.
I don't know how a 7 year old could be a bully.

Easy - it is an attitude learned from the parents - I have seen a 4 year old bully my granddaughter because she had the temerity to play with other children as well - this in pre-school! This bullying behaviour continued when they went to primary school through to year 3 when the principal was begged to place the girls into separate classes. Hard not to intervene but in the end if nothing else works.

 

[DiMcg]

Funny thing after posting and reading other comments it triggered a memory. I had my first birthday party at 10 years of age. I remember now that I had invited my school friends and I invited 2 girls that I didn’t really like but they were subtle bullies and were popular. Totally regretted it, as they came, ate the food and left. I was embarrassed and felt stupid. I am more for the mum now as she did the best thing for her child emotionally

 

[MotherGoose]

A couple of people have made comments to the effect that any child that young who is bullying is crying out for help, and that this is an opportunity to show forgiveness and mend bridges. Sorry, but based on extensive experience, I disagree. Unfortunately, having been a teacher, I know from years of experience that primary school bullies usually become high school bullies and adult bullies.

Sociology and criminal studies have shown that as bullies age, they are more likely to engage in antisocial behaviour. Adults who were bullies as children are ten times more likely to lie, six times more likely to fight, and almost three times as likely to engage in harassment. I was bullied as a child and as an adult. I left several jobs because of workplace bullying and sexual harassment. My child was severely bullied at school to the point where mental health assistance was required. I hope the birthday girl’s mum sticks to her guns because if she gives in, it will likely scar her own child in the process, and it will reinforce the bully’s behaviour by sending the message that she can always get her own way in the end if she exerts enough pressure.

 

[DiMcg]

A couple of people have made comments to the effect that any child that young who is bullying is crying out for help, and that this is an opportunity to show forgiveness and mend bridges. Sorry, but based on extensive experience, I disagree. Unfortunately, having been a teacher, I know from years of experience that primary school bullies usually become high school bullies and adult bullies.

Sociology and criminal studies have shown that as bullies age, they are more likely to engage in antisocial behaviour. Adults who were bullies as children are ten times more likely to lie, six times more likely to fight, and almost three times as likely to engage in harassment. I was bullied as a child and as an adult. I left several jobs because of workplace bullying and sexual harassment. My child was severely bullied at school to the point where mental health assistance was required. I hope the birthday girl’s mum sticks to her guns because if she gives in, it will likely scar her own child in the process, and it will reinforce the bully’s behaviour by sending the message that she can always get her own way in the end if she exerts enough pressure.

I agree entirely. If people think the child is crying out for help, that’s when you look toward the parents and if they are the part of the problem you would be unable to change things. Never enable a bully to reinforce another child’s anxiety.