[Danielle F.]

Marriages have ups and downs—but should vows be stronger than circumstances?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Reasonable-Eye-5334:

'My husband M50 has owned his own business since the mid 90's and it was pretty successful for decades until COVID hit and the economy in our area suffered. (Note: There have been downturns in the past where I have picked up the slack but this has now gone on for almost 2 years.)

As of now it is in the red most months and I have paid his store rent several times.

Since there is no profit, I am also paying all the household bills including the mortgage. I have had to ask for money from my parents just so we didn't end up homeless which is embarrassing when you are middle aged.

At this point it's an expensive hobby not a income and I've told him he should end it.

​

He is also overweight (226kg) and it is effecting his physical/mental wellbeing. It's effecting his job options as well because he can not stand for long periods and walking causes back and leg pain.

I have asked him repeatedly to consider help with the weight loss, surgical or shot.

He doesn't want to because of possible side effects. I've reminded him that he isn't getting any younger and that at this point diet isn't working. He also isn't exercising enough.

I have stated several times over the last couple months that if he doesn't lose weight and get a better paying job that it would be better for me and the kids (16 M, 12 M, 5 F) if we just left.

I can't keep watching him refuse to take care of himself until he has a stroke/heart attack and I can't keep being responsible for everything else because he won't change his behaviour or situation.

Am I being unreasonable for asking him to make a change or I will end the marriage?'

 

[KarenD]

No, I don't feel you are being unreasonable at all. It seems to me that he has become complacent as you are carrying the slack, maybe he needs a real wake up call, are you and the kids able to go to your parents place for a while and see if that brings him to.his senses.

 

[electricblanket]

I am sure you know what you should do - so do it!

 

[Veggiepatch]

Is this woman in employment?

In the words of Billy Connolly when speaking of women's greed:-

"I want it all all and I want it NOW!

NO! I want it YESTERDAY!!"

 

[Craftylady]

I have a similar problem , my husband was a hard working successful chartered accountant until he started having clients come in for lunches and after work drinks, now he has been forced to retire and we have lost our home of over 30 years and it is affecting our relationship and that with our children as all he’s interested is sitting around till 4.30 when he starts drinking , he has serious health issues but won’t do anything To change , we are too old now to split up as we would not have enough to go our separate ways , so I just watch him every day go down the same path. It is really hard and I can’t see any solution .