Knock, knock: Dropping-in etiquette sparks debate on social norms among Aussies!

In an age where digital communication reigns supreme, the concept of someone ‘dropping in’ unannounced can evoke a variety of emotions.

The spontaneous visit, a staple of social interaction in times past, has become a polarising topic among Australians, especially those over 60 who remember when it was the norm.

After delving into the etiquette of unannounced visits, people revealed a fascinating split in opinion.


The discussion around drop-in visits is more than just a matter of preference; it's a reflection of changing social norms and the pace of contemporary life.

It raises questions about how we balance the need for privacy with the benefits of spontaneous social interaction.

In today’s modern world, the views vary regarding the matter of unexpected visits, with some finding them a delightful means of staying connected, while others perceive them as anxiety-inducing.


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People shared their varying opinions on unexpected drop-in visits. Credits: Shutterstock


For some, the unexpected knock on the door is a delightful surprise, a throwback to a time when community ties were stronger and more personal.

Angus, a resident hailing from the bush, shared that he can't imagine it any other way.

‘We expected everyone driving past to drop in for a cuppa. Our door is always open to anyone who wants to drop in. I find it weird that others don't do this. It's part of being a community,’ he said, highlighting the warmth and inclusivity of rural hospitality.

Another reader, Paula, expressed that ‘I get more anxious knowing about a visit ahead of time. I love my many visitors, and the best visits have been the unexpected.’

Meanwhile, Ronda believes that ‘Too much social etiquette actually stifles friendships. The best friendships are with those who don't knock. The kettle goes on, the washing gets moved over, and the conversation is effortless.’

Additionally, Simon said, ‘Real friends pop round when they know you aren't at your best—to see if you are OK or need a hand or friendly ear—and I would offer the same.’


On the flip side, there are those who find the idea of a drop-in visit nothing short of stressful, suggesting that a prior notification could alleviate the situation.

According to Jess, ‘I find unannounced drop-ins so stressful. Most of the time my house is a mess, I'm in my worst clothes, I haven't had time to check the basics (like a clean toilet and bathroom), there's no snacks, and sometimes no milk for a cuppa.’

Sam echoed this sentiment, saying, ‘You should never just drop in on someone unless it is an emergency. Always message ahead and get a response to the message. Don't use it as an excuse to then come over. Respect people's privacy. They could be skinny-dipping in the pool.’

Felicity added to this point, suggesting, ‘Give me a five-minute warning. Amazing how much housework I can achieve in that time.’


While the concept isn't necessarily objectionable in theory for some individuals, it simply doesn't align with their daily routines.

One of them is Beth, who said, ‘I'm so busy trying to survive with work, study and kids that at home I just want to be alone and chill out, or I'm doing chores.’

Matt also asserted he is too busy for drop-ins. ‘Who the hell in today's world has time for people to just “drop in for a cuppa”? I get it was the done thing at one time and I remember it fondly. But, it just isn't a thing in a world where everyone needs to work full time,’ he argued.

Finally, for those who dread being caught off-guard, Louise offered a clever tip: ‘Simply put your jacket on before answering the front door. If it's someone you don't want to see, you can say you are on your way out. In the unlikely event it's someone you do want to see, you can simply say you have just arrived home.’


As opinions diverge on the topic of unexpected visits, readers share their perspectives on the joys and challenges of drop-in guests.

While some cherish the spontaneity as a means of fostering connections, others find themselves grappling with the stress it can induce.

Amidst these differing views, guidance on making such visits enjoyable and pleasant for all parties involved becomes invaluable.

For those considering a spontaneous visit, practical tips and friendly advice offer insight into creating meaningful and enjoyable interactions during unexpected social calls.
Key Takeaways
  • Opinions were divided on the issue of someone dropping in unannounced, with some finding it a pleasing way to maintain connections, while others find it stressful.
  • Many individuals value the spontaneity of a drop-in visit as a means of nurturing community ties and effortless friendships.
  • Some people prefer prior notice before visits to manage their time and privacy more effectively and consider unannounced visits inconvenient.
  • Modern-day busy lifestyles made the notion of drop-ins less feasible for many, with work and personal responsibilities taking precedence.
Where do you stand on the matter? Do you relish the thought of a friend or neighbour popping by for a chat, or does the idea fill you with dread? Have you found a middle ground that respects both your need for solitude and your desire for community? Share your experiences and tips in the comments below.
 

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I must admit I get uncomfortable with drop-ins especially if I have let the housework slip behind. The worst for me is if they arrive at meal times. I feel this is just plain rude and I panic because I feel that I should offer them to stay but have no idea what to feed them. Cooking and food are not one of my strong points.
 
The worse thing is friends who deliberately pop in just before meal times and expect you to feed them. We have suffered for years with one couple, he had her well trained, when he passed away recently she came over just before dinner and when I said we were sick so I wasn’t cooking, she said, oh..well, I better go then, and left quickly, probably to go and bludge on some other friend. Sadly, she will now be lonely and without a lot of friends because of these habits her late partner trained her in. I don’t even invite her for coffee any more, even meeting at a cafe she tries to get out of paying. Very sad…..
 
I don’t mind people dropping in at all, unless it’s late at night. I don’t care if I’m still in my dressing gown or my hair is wringing wet or I look a total disaster. The house is usually tidy but so what if it’s not, people are more important than anything else. I have a strange sister in law (with zero friends) who would get very upset If someone dropped in unannounced. They live out in the wilderness and visiting is a chore with her strange religious beliefs, antivax rubbish etc.
 
I don’t mind anyone dropping in anytime unannounced but I don’t like doing it to anyone else - weird eh? I know how feel, but don’t want to put on others who might not feel the same. We have a friend who regularly will ring and say “is it ok if a stay a couple of nights?” We say yes of course, when? And he can say “I’m on my way - a couple of hours?” lol. Another friend jokingly refers to our place as The B & B lol.
 
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Doesn't worry me at all.
Most times, it is either my family members, or, hubby's family.
Doesn't take much to put the kettle on, make a pot of tea and put the drip filter on. Bikkies on the table and all is good with our world.
We are restricted in where we can go and how frequently. So, our world would be very quiet without the occasional friendly face knocking on the door.
 
I’m quite happy to have people just drop in. i always offer a cuppa and bikkies or cake if I have any. If the house isn’t spotless or I look a mess or am in my daggy clothes it doesn’t matter. Friendship and having visitors is one of life’s great joys.
 
A long time friend, who now lives hundreds of miles away spontaneously made a drop in on the way to see his dad
It was great to see him again and I was still in my pjs when he turned up but no one cared. Cuppas and catch up before he saw his father. He did the same on the way home. It's what good friends do..
 
It depends on the timing of a spontaneous visit. I had an Uncle who would drop in just on dinner time, then hang around long after it was bed time! (This was at my parents place).If timing is bad, I just say, I'm so sorry, I'm about to go out, have work to do etc. Please pop back another day..it's about being assertive, after all it is your place..
 
I'm a bit both ways with this, I have no problem with people just dropping in.
On the other hand I always ring and make sure it is OK, I don't like to inconvenience people.
We also had friends who would just drop in right before teatime and just sit and sit until you invited them to stay. They would do this at least twice a week. We then discovered we were not the only ones they did this to. Their way of budget grocery shopping, lol.
In the end we all decided jointly
to tell them where to go. Who needs so called friends like that.
 
I'm a bit both ways with this, I have no problem with people just dropping in.
On the other hand I always ring and make sure it is OK, I don't like to inconvenience people.
We also had friends who would just drop in right before teatime and just sit and sit until you invited them to stay. They would do this at least twice a week. We then discovered we were not the only ones they did this to. Their way of budget grocery shopping, lol.
In the end we all decided jointly
to tell them where to go. Who needs so called friends like that.
Yes! I know people who did this! Quite rude really and people like that usually have a low Emotional IQ..🤗
 
I'm a bit both ways with this, I have no problem with people just dropping in.
On the other hand I always ring and make sure it is OK, I don't like to inconvenience people.
We also had friends who would just drop in right before teatime and just sit and sit until you invited them to stay. They would do this at least twice a week. We then discovered we were not the only ones they did this to. Their way of budget grocery shopping, lol.
In the end we all decided jointly
to tell them where to go. Who needs so called friends like that.
I have a friend who recently told me that after her marriage breakdown she had so little money that she could manage to feed her four kids but not herself all the time. So she would pop over to the neighbours, who were very good friends, after her kids went to bed, always getting there about their tea time, usually every second day, and they would invite her to stay for tea. Years later they told her they realised she was struggling and could not afford to feed herself so they were happy to give her tea. That is what I call great friends, they never made her feel she was unwelcome or imposing on them and never made her feel like they knew how much she was struggling. They also often cooked her a meal for the whole family and dropped over to her, telling her they just wanted to help out since she was so busy having four kids to look after on her own.
 
I have a friend who recently told me that after her marriage breakdown she had so little money that she could manage to feed her four kids but not herself all the time. So she would pop over to the neighbours, who were very good friends, after her kids went to bed, always getting there about their tea time, usually every second day, and they would invite her to stay for tea. Years later they told her they realised she was struggling and could not afford to feed herself so they were happy to give her tea. That is what I call great friends, they never made her feel she was unwelcome or imposing on them and never made her feel like they knew how much she was struggling. They also often cooked her a meal for the whole family and dropped over to her, telling her they just wanted to help out since she was so busy having four kids to look after on her own.
What great neighbours...
 

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