[Athena E.]

Is it unreasonable to exclude one friend from my party?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/LuckyPersonality6548:

Am I being unreasonable for telling my friend that I was done inviting her to parties?

'I (22, Female) throw a lot of dinner parties (like a ton). I LOVE to cook, so I always put food on the table, and I'm a pretty good chef, I'd say. One of my friends comes to all of them. The problem is, she takes all the leftovers. Every single time that there's a scrap left, she takes it. And I appreciate that she doesn't wanna waste food. That's not the problem. The thing is: I want some leftovers, too! So, I told her when we were eating this time, "Hey, don't take the leftovers, ok?" And she was like, "Yeah, sounds good."'

'Fast forward to the end of the party. She takes the leftovers. When I noticed later that night, I texted her, "Hey, if you can't stop taking the leftovers, I'm not gonna invite you anymore." She says ok.'

'Next time that she comes over for a party, I remind her when we're eating, don't take the leftovers. She says okay. When she was about to leave, I was sitting near the table. Guess what I see: SHE'S TAKING THE LEFTOVERS. So I told her that if she couldn't listen to a boundary I set, the clear consequence that I discussed with her was that she would not be invited to any more parties. She said that it wasn't fair that she couldn't have some, and she was only taking a bit this time. I'm not sure if that's true, but I told her I didn't want her to take any. She says okay and puts them back.'

'Fast forward to the next time, I hosted a party. She isn't invited. Apparently, she found out through the grapevine (makes sense, we share quite a few friends), and she got pissed, saying that she put them back and I should have invited her again. I think she might be right. Am I the unreasonable one in this scenario?'

 

[Nichola]

I'd say the friend seems to be a very slow learner. I'd be more than happy to share food with a friend in need, but this one seems not to understand basic manners.

 

[JKD]

How rude of her. No, you are not unreasonable but generously supplied a fitting meal. The only time leftovers should be taken is when the host offers. Basically it amounts to stealing in my books. She sadly will never change. Enjoy your friends who have manners.

 

[Catherines]

Get the left overs OFF THE TABLE before she has a chance to grab what she wants. It is very rude for anyone to take without being offered even if you are in a close family member’s home.

 

[MIZMAC]

You are entitled to your own left overs. Your friend? is more than rude. How many times has she to be told.

 

[Ginny Burke]

Sounds to me you’re not really friends. It is bad manners to take food home. Lose her. She is not worth the grief. Do your other friends agree with you? They could correct her when she whinges. She is going to lose all her friends.

 

[Jennylolo]

not at all. You cook and provide and she takes what's left. Not only did you tell her not to, but she still did. And then the next time, she put it back after you complained. You should not have had to say anything. Rude- not even asking, just taking? That's not a friend.

 

[MariaG]

Would be different if it was bring your own plate. You paid good money for the food and the freeloader can go whistle.
On the other side of the coin, could it be she is doing it tough and is too proud to share?
Either talk to her again, or, let sleeping dogs lie.

 

[Joydie]

I live in a retirement village and our very well equipped community centre is often used by residents for family get togethers. Since the earliest days - the village is almost six years old and we've lived here since four months after it opened - most residents will leave leftovers such as slices, fruit platters, pastry goods etc in the fridge for residents to enjoy with a cup of tea or coffee if they're in the centre for one of the many activities.

Suddenly, food left for this purpose was no longer there. It was subsequently discovered that two single female residents were coming into the centre late at night after functions had been on and removing everything left over and distributing it among their families. They were bringing large bags and walkers to carry the food home. One lives directly across the road from the centre, so she always knows when there's a function.

One resident got sick of this and hid in the community centre one night. The two women arrived, along with the daughter of one of them and went to the fridge. They were using torches. The resident snapped on the lights and the three women almost died of fright! A word to the manager who had a word to them, has put a stop to the midnight raids.

 

[Veggiepatch]

Next time, I would reserve a table for "Gertrude" or whatever her name was.

With her own plate of specially curated dog shit.

 

[Catherines]

Bet that gave the midnight raiders one hell of a fright when the lights came on!! Ha, ha.

 

[Kinchar]

She sure has a problem. It became an auto habit.

 

[marni]

I live in a retirement village and our very well equipped community centre is often used by residents for family get togethers. Since the earliest days - the village is almost six years old and we've lived here since four months after it opened - most residents will leave leftovers such as slices, fruit platters, pastry goods etc in the fridge for residents to enjoy with a cup of tea or coffee if they're in the centre for one of the many activities.

Suddenly, food left for this purpose was no longer there. It was subsequently discovered that two single female residents were coming into the centre late at night after functions had been on and removing everything left over and distributing it among their families. They were bringing large bags and walkers to carry the food home. One lives directly across the road from the centre, so she always knows when there's a function.

One resident got sick of this and hid in the community centre one night. The two women arrived, along with the daughter of one of them and went to the fridge. They were using torches. The resident snapped on the lights and the three women almost died of fright! A word to the manager who had a word to them, has put a stop to the midnight raids.

That is beyond rude- it is stealing !!! Keep your house and house locked up