[Danielle F.]

In the middle of chaos, she had to choose between her friend and her family. What would YOU have done?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/aitauselessdad:

'My best friend and her husband have 4 kids, 8f, 6f, 4f, and 3f. My friend’s husband is a great dad when someone is there to help. When he’s alone with all 4 kids he gets overwhelmed and freezes.'

'A few weeks ago my friend was sick so I brought over dinner. We thought it was just a bad cold.'

'When we were eating, my friend went to the bathroom and the three-year old followed her. The three-year-old came running out saying her mom was throwing up. All of the kids ran to the bathroom, followed by me and my friend’s husband.'

'I helped her clean up while her husband went to get her nausea medicine and a thermometer.'

'When he came back I asked him to get the kids out of the bathroom so she could have some space. After we got the kids out, I took her temp and it came back at almost 40, celsius, so I went out to get her some Tylenol and water.'

'I get back and the kids are all in the bathroom again because their dad can’t keep them away from the bathroom for two minutes.'

[NEXTAD][/NEXTAD]​

'I give her the Tylenol and water and she almost immediately starts to vomit again, then passes out. Her husband just stood there while I was trying to get her into recovery position, get the kids away from her, and call emergency services.'

'I managed to get all of them out of the bathroom and her husband is coming back every 20 seconds asking if I can call their nanny to help with the kids, if I can go to the hospital with her, did I start the dishwasher or does he need to hand wash the youngest’s sippy cup, etc.'

'When my friend regained consciousness, he even started asking her how to do bedtime for the little ones, did she wash their pyjamas yet, did they get screen time that day or can he put on a movie.'

'I told him his wife couldn’t hold his hand right now and he just had to figure it out.'

[NEXTAD][/NEXTAD]​

'He told me he’s not usually the one that deals with this and he’s trying his best, then goes back to asking what stories the kids like, what setting does he put the sound machine on, and how do they like their milk. I just snapped and told him to figure it out on his own and called him a useless piece of s***.'

'It’s been nearly a month and he still acts mad when I stop by the house. My friend says he’ll get over it but my boyfriend thinks I was unnecessarily rude and he was trying his best.'

'Am I being unreasonable for calling him a useless piece of s*** when he couldn’t handle his own kids while his wife was experiencing a medical emergency?'

 

[WendyCharnell]

t

 

[WendyCharnell]

I believe the fault lies almost entirely with his wife who has enabled this behaviour, presumably for the whole of their marriage. She should have encouraged him to be more helpful and shared their responsibilities. Most men will abdicate responsibility if allowed to.

 

[thomas]

if it were me in that situation I would have told him to call the nanny or someone to help with the kids as he wasn't capable.
you should also say "sorry" for calling him a useless piece of ......and offer the excuse that the situation was an emergency and you had a "panic turn"

 

[Jo Piper3]

Sounds like a wanker to me!!

 

[SSCElderberry]

What a useless "shit" of a man. You were so correct and he should be begging your pardon! Sounds like a complete mummy's boy.

 

[meighLeigh]

If it was me I probably would have had a screaming fit, locked the useless git outside with his children, called for an ambulance and the police (saves time - the ambulance could take her away, the police could take me away, if only to be sure I wouldn't inflict serious bodily harm on the useless piece of shit and his out-of-control snorks.
He obviously does nothing around the house. Not even play with the kids, let alone put them to bed.

 

[meighLeigh]

if it were me in that situation I would have told him to call the nanny or someone to help with the kids as he wasn't capable.
you should also say "sorry" for calling him a useless piece of ......and offer the excuse that the situation was an emergency and you had a "panic turn"

I disagree with the apology idea. You were doing your best to keep his wife alive, and he couldn't even turn a dishwasher on without someone (you) holding his paw?

 

[SJ-G]

if it were me in that situation I would have told him to call the nanny or someone to help with the kids as he wasn't capable.
you should also say "sorry" for calling him a useless piece of ......and offer the excuse that the situation was an emergency and you had a "panic turn"

He asked the friend, the one putting his wife in recovery, to call the nanny.

 

[Ezzy]

I would not have done anything differently myself.
This was an emergency situation. The lady had fainted, could have hurt herself as she fell or anything. Putting her into the recovery position was a priority to prevent her choking on anything she had brought up. You were taking control of the situation & would appear to have been the only person at the time who was thinking straight.
You could make an apology but add that the situation was urgent, the behaviour of the children was not helping, you needed the bathroom cleared & needed his assistance to get them out of the bathroom.