The pain of losing a child is unimaginable, and the grief that follows is a burden no parent should have to bear alone.

Yet, for Patty van Duijn, an Adelaide mother, the heartbreak was compounded by a Centrelink rule that she describes as 'absolutely disgusting’.

Patty was over 19 weeks into her pregnancy when she faced the devastating reality of terminating her pregnancy due to complications.

The loss of her son Mason was a profound trauma, one that was followed by the physical and emotional ordeal of giving birth to a stillborn child.

Patty criticised Centrelink’s ‘disgusting’ rule. Image source: Shutterstock

But when she sought financial support from Centrelink to help her through this difficult time, she was met with a disappointing response.

Centrelink's Stillborn Baby Payment, a one-off lump sum of $4,059.17 designed to assist grieving parents, requires a gestation period of at least 20 weeks or a birth weight of at least 400 grams.

Mason, at 230 grams and just six days shy of the 20-week mark, did not meet these criteria.

As a result, Patty was deemed ineligible for the payment, forcing her to consider returning to her hospitality job less than two weeks after her loss.

She shared the emotional ordeal to a media outlet, saying, ‘I'm still going through this whole process of giving birth and holding a baby that's not alive. It's very traumatic and really hard, but now I have to think about going back to work.’

Patty criticised the rule as ‘absolutely disgusting’ and shared that it is ‘unfair’ she had undergone similar trauma and grief but was not able to access the help available to mothers in her situation.

‘It shouldn't matter how big or small or how long... it's my baby with arms, ten toes, fingers,’ she said.

‘I'm just unsure of who made this decision, and if they actually know what people go through, but a week shouldn't be a difference because it's still the experience, the trauma and everything that comes with it,’ Patty added.

It is understood that the Department of Social Services set the policy, and while Centrelink cannot grant leniency based on individual circumstances, they have stated that a representative will contact her to explore other supports available.

A spokesperson from the Department of Social Services stated, ‘the Australian Government recognises the tragic loss and trauma of miscarriage.’

‘While a medical professional must certify a stillborn child was delivered for families to receive Stillborn Baby Payment, other supports are available through Services Australia including counselling and support to connect with local services.’

‘And depending on an individual's circumstances and employment, they may also be entitled to paid or unpaid leave following a miscarriage,’ they added.

Patty's situation is further complicated by her medical history of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD), which contributed to the complications in her pregnancy.

With her partner Lee Simpson working as a chef, the couple is struggling to make ends meet on his salary alone. The emotional toll is immense, and the financial pressure only adds to their distress.

‘It's only been a week and a half and now I have to think about going back to work because we can't afford to pay bills and rent if I don't work,’ she shared.

In response to her situation, Patty has taken action by setting up a GoFundMe page, not only to seek support for herself and Lee but also to raise awareness and advocate for change in the policy.

She hopes that by sharing her story, she can prevent other families from enduring the same hardship.

‘It's very wrong,’ she argued. ‘I want it to be looked into, not for us now, it's too late, but for other people going through this, so they don't have to go through what I am right now.’

Key Takeaways

• Patty van Duijn from Adelaide experienced the loss of her baby at over 19 weeks but couldn't access Centrelink's Stillborn Baby Payment because she was six days short of the required 20-week gestation period.
• Centrelink defines a stillborn child as one who has reached at least 20 weeks' gestation or weighs at least 400 grams at birth; Patty's baby weighed 230 grams.
• Patty criticised the rule as 'absolutely disgusting' and unfair for not considering the trauma and grief experienced by mothers in her situation.
• Despite her circumstances, Patty has received no leniency from Centrelink, with the Department of Social Services stating other supports are available, and she is now calling for a change to the rule to help others in her position.

Our thoughts and prayers go to Patty and her husband during this difficult time.

What do you think about Centrelink’s Stillborn Baby Payment criteria, members? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[Ingot]

No we pay the ones who need the help for a certain amount of time, the ones that are in a financial crises, & not able to return to work for a certain period of time due to personal trauma, the ones who have also paid taxes whilst they where working.

Well said Milica.
There are some hard noses in this thread. One I though a little bitter - perhaps even vicious.

No one knows the circumstances of another and in summarily comparing their own experiences with this unfortunate person's situation, and passing judgement on her, I find attitudes a little chilling.

People working as Chef's (her husband) and in hospitality (herself) get nothing like the money people think they might (if they even think). Three of my 4 kids came up through cheffing and hospitality - all four in senior management today. I don't make it a thing that they got this or that along the way.

The article said she needed to terminate a much anticipated and obviously loved child (they already named him Mason). It was not a miscarriage - it was a medical termination "due to complications." We do not know what else was going on in their lives. Obviously they had needs, or would not have approached Centrelink.

And obviously this mum-to-be was not well, and dreaded returning to work so soon after this medical termination.

A curettage after terminating medically, as opposed to simply slipping the foetus, requires quite a traumatic procedure, as the placenta is strongly adherent. The removal of the Products of Conception (RPC) do not come away with a simple "scraping."

In my 40 years as a Reg Nurse, I spent a few days assigned to these kindss of theatre lists.
And in my 23 years as a midwife, I also dealt with the trauma of Foetal Death in Utero (FDIO). Those who dismiss these experiences as "deal with it sweet cheeks" need a reality check.

Yes, @Lisa - at 74 - I AM a know it all.

It's called having a compassionate demeanour, an ability to understand, and a desire to learn and to help others over the speed-bumps of life. I never became bitter when dealt the pineapples of life. It's a choice.
But seriously - no one 'knows it all.' We all learn 'on-the-fly.'

God gave us all a heart - we should use it.
We do not know what life will hand us tomorrow.
We could be facing trauma and loss ourselves.

Obviously a very divisive topic - SDC sure know how to draw out attitudes.

 

[Catherines]

My deepest sympathy to this couple and especially to the mum who was carrying a little one she now never gets to nurture and love.

However, the government does not have a bottomless pit of money to come to our aid when ‘life gives us lemons’ as the saying goes. Like a number of you on this forum have said, if we cannot afford to bring a baby into this world, care for it and provide at least their. basic needs, then we as men and women need to take the necessary precautions in our love-making. Loving one another to the extent of sexual enjoyment is a wonderful thing, and access to the necessary items for precaution is so freely available with no shame attached; that access is so openly available now, much more than it probably was in our teenage years without being shamed or being labelled promiscuous.

My thoughts and prayers go out to this couple. I hope they heal in time and are able to somehow bear the financial burden.

 

[mylittletibbies]

My deepest sympathy to this couple and especially to the mum who was carrying a little one she now never gets to nurture and love.

However, the government does not have a bottomless pit of money to come to our aid when ‘life gives us lemons’ as the saying goes. Like a number of you on this forum have said, if we cannot afford to bring a baby into this world, care for it and provide at least their. basic needs, then we as men and women need to take the necessary precautions in our love-making. Loving one another to the extent of sexual enjoyment is a wonderful thing, and access to the necessary items for precaution is so freely available with no shame attached; that access is so openly available now, much more than it probably was in our teenage years without being shamed or being labelled promiscuous.

My thoughts and prayers go out to this couple. I hope they heal in time and are able to somehow bear the financial burden.

Yes nobody knows all the circumstances ,including you despite all your experience.
It has now been discovered that this woman also had a "miscarriage" last year at the same time, running the same story, setting up a GoFundMe page.
She's not interested in getting help from Centrelink, just getting cash from sympathetic people who fall for her scams.
After all she would have to prove to Centrelink she had had a miscarriage, they're not going to just take her word for it.
Sorry Catherine, this reply was meant for @Ingot and somehow got tagged onto your post.
Your post was very well said.

 

[mylittletibbies]

So do scammers it appears.
It's worked for her before, so now she's having another go.
I don't know why you say chefs don't earn good money.
My grand daughters husband
is a chef. They are buying their own home, have two children and she is a stay at home mum. They seem to manage fine on a chef's income.

 

[Ingot]

Yes nobody knows all the circumstances ,including you despite all your experience.
It has now been discovered that this woman also had a "miscarriage" last year at the same time, running the same story, setting up a GoFundMe page.
She's not interested in getting help from Centrelink, just getting cash from sympathetic people who fall for her scams.
After all she would have to prove to Centrelink she had had a miscarriage, they're not going to just take her word for it.
Sorry Catherine, this reply was meant for @Ingot and somehow got tagged onto your post.
Your post was very well said.

I have no reason to disbelieve your alt story @mylittletibbies but it would help if you please publish your source.
Then I will go away and leave this cess pool of indifference to those who are more worried about "taxpayer's money" than human compassion.

And more worried about "taxpayer's money" than our PM and Treasurer genuinely are (not).
We just gave away $21 million then another $23 million to a murderous death cult in the Middle East.
Yet we justify arguing about a couple of weeks benefits for a woman who lost a child.

Many of you are dragging up the old days when you lost a child or had a miscarriage.
I do feel for you - the support was not there for you THEN.

Times have moved on.
Benefits ARE given to help people.

So if you can provide a genuine source to prove this woman is rinsing and repeating the scam, then I will shut up and go away.

As things stand, I feel this is a pile on - not sure why.
Jealousy? Politics?
Dunno - tell me.
It can't be about the money.

EDIT: GoFundMe DO CHECK claims and reasons for the fundraiser.
They usually do not accept people doing their own fundraising.
A safeguard against fraud is to get an independent person to run the fundraiser on behalf of the beneficiary. That person is asked to provide evidence of the reason for the claim, but occasionally it is deemed self-evident, and not needed.

In any case, I look forward to your evidence of this woman running a scam.
@mylittletibbies said: "It's worked for her before, so now she's having another go."
Source please. If you don't have it, then your credibility is in question, and perhaps you would like to withdraw the comment.

The person's name appeared in the story, so perhaps she is feeling a little defamed right now?

 

[mylittletibbies]

I have no reason to disbelieve your alt story @mylittletibbies but it would help if you please publish your source.
Then I will go away and leave this cess pool of indifference to those who are more worried about "taxpayer's money" than human compassion.

And more worried about "taxpayer's money" than our PM and Treasurer genuinely are (not).
We just gave away $21 million then another $23 million to a murderous death cult in the Middle East.
Yet we justify arguing about a couple of weeks benefits for a woman who lost a child.

Many of you are dragging up the old days when you lost a child or had a miscarriage.
I do feel for you - the support was not there for you THEN.

Times have moved on.
Benefits ARE given to help people.

So if you can provide a genuine source to prove this woman is rinsing and repeating the scam, then I will shut up and go away.

As things stand, I feel this is a pile on - not sure why.
Jealousy? Politics?
Dunno - tell me.
It can't be about the money.

If you look up her Facebook page you will see two notices
One dated 20 June 2023 for a baby Noah Grossman, this latest one is for Mason Simpson.
Refer @Petra comments, along with pictures and further comments from others who had seen this same story in the past and previous GoFundMe.

 

[Milica]

The Centrelink delegate or the appropriate Delegate in the Department of Social Security should have the ability to waive the criteria in instances of exceptional circumstances such as this as the individual affected by this policy as that person meets the policy intent. Offers of counselling is no substitute for the real financial need this person is facing. Further enquiries should be made in this regard, possibly the local Federal member.

Well said Milica.
There are some hard noses in this thread. One I though a little bitter - perhaps even vicious.

No one knows the circumstances of another and in summarily comparing their own experiences with this unfortunate person's situation, and passing judgement on her, I find attitudes a little chilling.

People working as Chef's (her husband) and in hospitality (herself) get nothing like the money people think they might (if they even think). Three of my 4 kids came up through cheffing and hospitality - all four in senior management today. I don't make it a thing that they got this or that along the way.

The article said she needed to terminate a much anticipated and obviously loved child (they already named him Mason). It was not a miscarriage - it was a medical termination "due to complications." We do not know what else was going on in their lives. Obviously they had needs, or would not have approached Centrelink.

And obviously this mum-to-be was not well, and dreaded returning to work so soon after this medical termination.

A curettage after terminating medically, as opposed to simply slipping the foetus, requires quite a traumatic procedure, as the placenta is strongly adherent. The removal of the Products of Conception (RPC) do not come away with a simple "scraping."

In my 40 years as a Reg Nurse, I spent a few days assigned to these kindss of theatre lists.
And in my 23 years as a midwife, I also dealt with the trauma of Foetal Death in Utero (FDIO). Those who dismiss these experiences as "deal with it sweet cheeks" need a reality check.

Yes, @Lisa - at 74 - I AM a know it all.

It's called having a compassionate demeanour, an ability to understand, and a desire to learn and to help others over the speed-bumps of life. I never became bitter when dealt the pineapples of life. It's a choice.
But seriously - no one 'knows it all.' We all learn 'on-the-fly.'

God gave us all a heart - we should use it.
We do not know what life will hand us tomorrow.
We could be facing trauma and loss ourselves.

Obviously a very divisive topic - SDC sure know how to draw out attitudes.

And very well said to you Ingot with the truth of the matter that needs to involve the heart as well as the head. Your common sense approach and medical experience is exactly spot on. I myself have worked in a hospital in the area of MH and a Tertiary hospital for a 3 month fillin as a Welfare Officer - i have been working with Dr's, Nurses and Patients for the last 14 yrs, and have very much enjoyed working with pple that have clear thinking minds that also integrate the heart in their decision making, in understanding and putting patients needs first. And you are correct we all learn as we go. Having empathy and compassion for another persons situation is being human.

Sometimes i think SDC need to think about what they would like us to comment on - it's not about sitting back and setting the cat among the pidgeons.

 

[Milica]

I wasn't calling you entitled, I was calling her entitled, and I was under the impression that she was being offered Jobseeker and counselling,but she is more interested in the CASH
The cash payment is for funeral costs for a 20 week viable baby, which hers was not.
There has to be a cut off somewhere.
Been there, done that meant exactly that, had a miscarriage myself, paid for the funeral myself and got on with my life as we all have to, not by expecting the government or other people, with problems of their own, to come to my rescue.
That is "entitled". I don't believe I was, I didn't expect the government or anyone else to pay my expenses. If you believe it is right to expect the government or other people to pick up the bill for these things, then sorry but that does make you "entitled".
By the way did you read that this is the second time this woman has posted this scam,guess she did well enough out if it last year to give it another go.
This is the reason I do not give donations to strangers with Go Fund Me pages.

That is grt if she is being offered jobseeker, i hope she is also being offered a 3 month exemption, to not have to look for work, whilst she seeks the help she needs to go thru her grieving - we are not all the same when it comes to personal loss and this also depends on who it is that we have lost - every loss is so different - i feel that their was no help over the last many yrs for anyone who has experienced the same trauma. These are certainly different times in the world today and how people are experiencing things are also different, some cope better than others, but everyone needs support and help when they are asking for help. I think i mentioned in my last statement not to call me Entitled! i am not into name calling on this site! - you seem to think your way of thinking is the only way - guess what it is not! If this is a scam than SDC should not have put this one up for "our thoughts"! on the matter.

 

[Milica]

The Centrelink delegate or the appropriate Delegate in the Department of Social Security should have the ability to waive the criteria in instances of exceptional circumstances such as this as the individual affected by this policy as that person meets the policy intent. Offers of counselling is no substitute for the real financial need this person is facing. Further enquiries should be made in this regard, possibly the local Federal member.

Centrelink do advise that they can make informed decisions & that it can be looked at as a case by case matter! I agree with your common sense approach - i would also try the ombudsman.

 

[Ingot]

If you look up her Facebook page you will see two notices
One dated 20 June 2023 for a baby Noah Grossman, this latest one is for Mason Simpson.
Refer @Petra comments, along with pictures and further comments from others who had seen this same story in the past and previous GoFundMe.

 

[Ingot]

If you look up her Facebook page you will see two notices
One dated 20 June 2023 for a baby Noah Grossman, this latest one is for Mason Simpson.
Refer @Petra comments, along with pictures and further comments from others who had seen this same story in the past and previous GoFundMe.

Thank you @mylittletibbies
I won't bother hunting for it - I will take your word for it, and offer you an apology for doubting your evidence.

I'll leave the room, after this last comment:
In the absence of what has come to light, I think we have to still take stories at face value prior to issuing judgement on their situation.

Had the information you possess been included in the SDC cover story here, I wonder what the comments would have then been?
And do we now feel the same or different, about Centrelink's decision?

My comments about being compassionate stand. What happened two years running could still have been coincidental - after all, one respondent here admitted to having had 6 M/C before deciding to adopt. If indeed it was a genuine second event - how would that woman now be feeling?
I'd say 'shattered' would not be too strong a term.
It happens.
Thank you to everyone who braved the forum with their points of view also.

 

[Ezzy]

If you look up her Facebook page you will see two notices
One dated 20 June 2023 for a baby Noah Grossman, this latest one is for Mason Simpson.
Refer @Petra comments, along with pictures and further comments from others who had seen this same story in the past and previous GoFundMe.

Interesting, different surnames.

 

[mylittletibbies]

Thank you @mylittletibbies
I won't bother hunting for it - I will take your word for it, and offer you an apology for doubting your evidence.

I'll leave the room, after this last comment:
In the absence of what has come to light, I think we have to still take stories at face value prior to issuing judgement on their situation.

Had the information you possess been included in the SDC cover story here, I wonder what the comments would have then been?
And do we now feel the same or different, about Centrelink's decision?

My comments about being compassionate stand. What happened two years running could still have been coincidental - after all, one respondent here admitted to having had 6 M/C before deciding to adopt. If indeed it was a genuine second event - how would that woman now be feeling?
I'd say 'shattered' would not be too strong a term.
It happens.
Thank you to everyone who braved the forum with their points of view also.

Thank you
I certainly do see your point that it could be second occurrence and I certainly do and did have compassion for this woman as you would see from my original post.
What I didn't like was the fact that she wasn't interested in the other options open to her, which she should have been grateful for. She was more interested in the $$$.
And then she set up a GoFundMe page asking for money from the public. I don't know about anyone else but I have a big problem with this, not just her but anybody for any reason.
This is a money making platform and they keep a high percentage of the money raised and it is wide open to scammers, as has been discovered.
I don't blame SDC, they only gave the story as they knew it.
It only came to light as other people recognised it as a previous happening and did a bit of research.

 

[gamiry]

Are you for Real! - have some understanding - you sound just like the criteria that c/link have in place, not forgetting that she was one week out of being eligible - what sort of stupid rule is this that c/link have put in place. Weeks and weight when a baby died, a baby died here, the weeks and weight should not be a factor, the parents will still be going thru the same trauma - c/link does not work with human compassion, never has - it is all about the $ and how they can save more monies which affects the already struggling. This woman needs assistance for at least 3 months off work, and also counselling for the loss and the psychological trauma that they are both going thru.
When a person is working and they become unwell physically or mentally they can apply for assistance to receive jobseeker with a 3 month medical certificate. She will be able to go back to work when she is able to!

GET REAL. This country is in enough financial shit without governments giving out money for every tear. What would I have been worth after having 9 NINE miscarriages. Stop making excuses for the LAZY, BOO HOO people of this country who expect everything to be paid for by taxpayers and I was one of them for almost 70 years. and I worked most of 5 days a week since leaving school at the end of the Intermediate Certificate. a

Pardon my ignorance - wasn't it women who wanted the change in the 70's! just so that pple are aware i am a female person that has lived thru the 70's & i feel that this woman needs financial help - she is in crises and is going thru psychological trauma due to the loss of her baby, she is not asking for assistance forever! When she is working she is also a tax payer!

Yes; sorry but you are ignorant. In the 70's both sexes of Pollies created this welfare society. In those days we got $3 per quarter, per child, endowment, no pension unless you were either male or widowed and if you wanted a divorce you got nothing until you proved to the Court that you had been separated for at least 2 years and had acceptable reason to be away from your husband. It wasn't often granted. The Judge on my case told me that "habitual drunkeness was an ACCEPTABLE part of Military Life. However on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty I find this case proven." By this time I was working 3 jobs to keep my 3 sick kids in food and medicines. It took another 2 years before I was granted a PART pension. In those days there was NO Super for women and you couldn't get a bank card WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND. I had already had 9 miscarriages and got NOTHING, just went home and back to work.

 

[gamiry]

I was talking about the possibility of somebody doing exactly this in another reply to this story. But I didn't realise that Patty van Duijn is actually one of the scammers I was referring to until I saw your post and the screenshots to prove it. THIS is the story SDC SHOULD be running next! These scammers preying on people's generosity through bogus go-fund-me campaigns need to be exposed and shamed accordingly. I hope the original contributor of the story Athena E sees your post too.

those who know of this women should be getting in touch with the Police and see her locked up

 

[NotNats]

My heart goes out to this young lady.
I had no help when I had a still born, I had no help raising my 2 children, I had no help when I lost my father, then husband, then my mother. I now have had a medical condition that stops me from working and still I have no help from CentreLink. Too many freebee handouts have made this country weak, and dependant of other people hard earnt money from working every day. And don't get me started on the handout to people who come to Australia.
Sorry but I have worked from a very early age, and I never got anything that this new generations think they are entitled too.

And before anyone starts on me, I know people will reply/say that I'm a uncaring B^tch, but I live in a so-called free country and am allowed to have my opinion.

 

[gamiry]

Then why do we have to, by law, send our kids to government-funded schools until they are 18 years old if we can't afford a private school for them? It would be better for families' budgets if they went to work in the brickyards at age 6, as happens in India.

Does Australia make bricks, these days?

We did make bricks in Bundaberg until the NAB and Boral destroyed it... took the owner's home, land and business because Boral wanted a kiln that my friend had at his brickworks but the overseas makers of this kiln wouldn't sell to Boral so Boral and the bank destroyed the business and it also cost my friend his life. His wife is still a friend.

 

[kiwidi29]

A sad story. I hope Centrelink will show compassion to them.

 

[richmich.4422@gmail]

As unfortunately & heartbreaking it is for a mother to be in losing her baby in this manner, it still raises the same old question. i.e., if they are having financial problems now, how could they afford her being off work with all of the ongoing costs of supplying for the baby ?

 

[Milica]

GET REAL. This country is in enough financial shit without governments giving out money for every tear. What would I have been worth after having 9 NINE miscarriages. Stop making excuses for the LAZY, BOO HOO people of this country who expect everything to be paid for by taxpayers and I was one of them for almost 70 years. and I worked most of 5 days a week since leaving school at the end of the Intermediate Certificate. a

Yes; sorry but you are ignorant. In the 70's both sexes of Pollies created this welfare society. In those days we got $3 per quarter, per child, endowment, no pension unless you were either male or widowed and if you wanted a divorce you got nothing until you proved to the Court that you had been separated for at least 2 years and had acceptable reason to be away from your husband. It wasn't often granted. The Judge on my case told me that "habitual drunkeness was an ACCEPTABLE part of Military Life. However on the grounds of physical and mental cruelty I find this case proven." By this time I was working 3 jobs to keep my 3 sick kids in food and medicines. It took another 2 years before I was granted a PART pension. In those days there was NO Super for women and you couldn't get a bank card WITHOUT YOUR HUSBAND. I had already had 9 miscarriages and got NOTHING, just went home and back to work.

You are not the only one that has had a not so easy life with a lot of traumatic experiences - so why don't You Get Real - this was not about our stories as many of you have written and then write as if the rest of us have no idea about living the last 70 yrs and just how it all was Back Then!