From Loneliness To Social Success: How To Break Free From Social Isolation
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Even if you don't necessarily feel isolated or lonely, making friends as an adult can be difficult.
Sadly, for a lot of people, regular contact with family, friends and loved ones isn't quite possible.
The good news is, there is support available, both from places like our website here at Seniors Discount Club and from different outlets that offer you the chance to reach out, connect and make new friends.
Here's what you should know about the 'friendship recession', the rise in 'learned loneliness', and why friendship is so important for our overall well-being.
When 44-year-old Jeni Matthewman moved back to her rural home, she expected that she’d have plenty of old friends to reconnect with. However, with work keeping her busy and her husband’s job keeping him away from her during some days of the week, Jeni realised something: She no longer had a social life.
‘Most of the friends I used to know had moved away or they had kids so we couldn’t meet up the way we used to,’ she shared.
To add to that, she also suffered from social anxiety most of her life, which meant she already found it a bit hard to reach out and socialise.
But then one day, she found a new hobby. ‘I was out walking when I had this idea. Wouldn’t it be great to start a tarot group at my house, like a book group? I can’t over-emphasise what a big leap this was to contemplate inviting strangers into my home. I’ve never even had a birthday party,’ she explained.
Jeni said that during their first meeting, 12 women were seated around the table at her home. She stated that it felt great because they were all bonding over a shared interest.
‘My confidence has grown so much,’ she admitted.
However, not everyone has had such luck, especially during the height of the pandemic. Both statistically and anecdotally, it feels as though people’s social landscapes have permanently changed. According to a YouGov Friendship study, one in eight people said they only had one close friend, while 7 per cent had no friends at all, and 51 per cent said they struggled to make new friends.
‘There are some weeks when the only person I speak to is the postman,’ one said.
In the US, the term ‘friendship recession’ was coined after census data revealed that Americans were spending an ever-decreasing amount of time with friends. But this cannot be solely blamed on the pandemic, because this decline was reported as early as 2014.
So, what’s going on exactly?
According to Psychologist Marisa G Franco, many believe that people are ‘drifting apart’ without even being aware of it. ‘The issue we are seeing now is something called “learned loneliness” – people have adjusted to isolation. It’s not that they have gone off socialising, it’s that they have learned to live with an unfulfilled need,’ she explained.
She also said that when it comes to loneliness, humans are unable to pinpoint specific emotions. ‘For example, one symptom of loneliness is that you’re in a bad mood for no reason,’ Ms Franco said.
The psychologist shared that loneliness also makes people withdraw and perceive others as ‘threatening’.
‘We devalue how important connection is. We choose not to depend on other people, which makes us more lonely. It’s a vicious cycle.’
London-based psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber has observed an increase in the number of people seeking ‘friend therapy’, to address issues about loneliness and problems with friendships. This also signals that people are now putting a higher value on platonic relationships, and realising that they can offer things not always available with romantic partnerships.
So, if you are seeking to expand your friendship circle, a good starting point might be to stop looking for an ‘exclusive best friend’ and start seeking some friends who like doing the same things you do.
Some activities are more fruitful for making friends than others, though. Ms Franco suggested being strategic about where you conduct your friendship hunt.
‘Go for things where there is a lot of interaction – tennis, improv, and language classes are all good. What all of these activities do is normalise engaging with strangers. Social permission is assumed,’ she stated.
Ms Franco said to avoid going to one-off events with the hope to make new connections instantly.
‘Choose a couple of groups and activities and commit to doing them for three months,’ she shared.
Lastly, it’s important to remember that friendships take maintenance. Check-in with your friends, send a voice note, a card, or a care package to let them know you’re thinking about them and that you care.
Here at the SDC, we’re always happy to hear from you. We might not be able to reply back to your messages, but we see you and we appreciate all of you.
Sadly, for a lot of people, regular contact with family, friends and loved ones isn't quite possible.
The good news is, there is support available, both from places like our website here at Seniors Discount Club and from different outlets that offer you the chance to reach out, connect and make new friends.
Here's what you should know about the 'friendship recession', the rise in 'learned loneliness', and why friendship is so important for our overall well-being.
When 44-year-old Jeni Matthewman moved back to her rural home, she expected that she’d have plenty of old friends to reconnect with. However, with work keeping her busy and her husband’s job keeping him away from her during some days of the week, Jeni realised something: She no longer had a social life.
‘Most of the friends I used to know had moved away or they had kids so we couldn’t meet up the way we used to,’ she shared.
To add to that, she also suffered from social anxiety most of her life, which meant she already found it a bit hard to reach out and socialise.
Social anxiety can be debilitating. Credit: Kat Smith/Pexels
But then one day, she found a new hobby. ‘I was out walking when I had this idea. Wouldn’t it be great to start a tarot group at my house, like a book group? I can’t over-emphasise what a big leap this was to contemplate inviting strangers into my home. I’ve never even had a birthday party,’ she explained.
Jeni said that during their first meeting, 12 women were seated around the table at her home. She stated that it felt great because they were all bonding over a shared interest.
‘My confidence has grown so much,’ she admitted.
However, not everyone has had such luck, especially during the height of the pandemic. Both statistically and anecdotally, it feels as though people’s social landscapes have permanently changed. According to a YouGov Friendship study, one in eight people said they only had one close friend, while 7 per cent had no friends at all, and 51 per cent said they struggled to make new friends.
‘There are some weeks when the only person I speak to is the postman,’ one said.
Many people struggle to make new friends. Credit: Pixabay/Pexels
In the US, the term ‘friendship recession’ was coined after census data revealed that Americans were spending an ever-decreasing amount of time with friends. But this cannot be solely blamed on the pandemic, because this decline was reported as early as 2014.
So, what’s going on exactly?
According to Psychologist Marisa G Franco, many believe that people are ‘drifting apart’ without even being aware of it. ‘The issue we are seeing now is something called “learned loneliness” – people have adjusted to isolation. It’s not that they have gone off socialising, it’s that they have learned to live with an unfulfilled need,’ she explained.
She also said that when it comes to loneliness, humans are unable to pinpoint specific emotions. ‘For example, one symptom of loneliness is that you’re in a bad mood for no reason,’ Ms Franco said.
The psychologist shared that loneliness also makes people withdraw and perceive others as ‘threatening’.
‘We devalue how important connection is. We choose not to depend on other people, which makes us more lonely. It’s a vicious cycle.’
Some people seek therapy to address issues with loneliness. Credit: Amy Chandra/Pexels
London-based psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber has observed an increase in the number of people seeking ‘friend therapy’, to address issues about loneliness and problems with friendships. This also signals that people are now putting a higher value on platonic relationships, and realising that they can offer things not always available with romantic partnerships.
So, if you are seeking to expand your friendship circle, a good starting point might be to stop looking for an ‘exclusive best friend’ and start seeking some friends who like doing the same things you do.
Some activities are more fruitful for making friends than others, though. Ms Franco suggested being strategic about where you conduct your friendship hunt.
‘Go for things where there is a lot of interaction – tennis, improv, and language classes are all good. What all of these activities do is normalise engaging with strangers. Social permission is assumed,’ she stated.
Ms Franco said to avoid going to one-off events with the hope to make new connections instantly.
‘Choose a couple of groups and activities and commit to doing them for three months,’ she shared.
Lastly, it’s important to remember that friendships take maintenance. Check-in with your friends, send a voice note, a card, or a care package to let them know you’re thinking about them and that you care.
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