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Facing Your Demons
This account was inspired by well known and respected SDC forum member, Suzanne Rose.
What you about to read is one of many struggles faced by everyday Australians. That is, the subject of substance abuse, specifically alcohol, from a personal perspective.
My first foray into alcohol was at the tender age of eight when Dad used to give me a tiny glass of froth from his beer. First impressions were “Yuck…how could anybody drink this?”. Fast forward six years and in the company of two friends around the same age, we polished off a 26 ounce bottle of Bond 7 scotch on Christmas Eve. One mate ended up in a bad way, vomiting all over his mother upon arrival home. Luckily, I didn’t face the same fate. No more alcohol for me for nearly four years.
On my 18th birthday in 1977, I ventured into my first pub. Nothing of note occurred on the night, but it molded me in what I was to gradually become in the next 46 years.
My school days were showered with success, topping the class all through primary school. In 5th class (now known as Year 5}, I secured a placement in an Opportunity Class for gifted students at Lakemba Public School for two years. At Narwee Boys’ High School, I topped the school in Science and Geography from 1971 to 1975. I never made it to 6th form.
I left high school on 7 November 1975, four days before Gough Whitlam’s dismissal. I had a sense of something nasty brewing on the political front in the weeks leading up to this event, so I departed. I started work less than a week later at a neighbour’s company whom I was with for 14 years. Unemployment was not a word in my vocabulary with barely time off during my next three jobs, the last being in Queensland.
In 2010, things changed drastically. After being charged with serious assault after a drunken night in Bundaberg’s, Queensland, CBD, I received a three month jail term at Maryborough Correctional Centre. It is here that I rubbed shoulders with murderers, Spanish cocaine importers and armed robbers. It didn’t faze me in the least – my policy was to keep your nose clean and not engage in any angry or fearful behaviour.
Freedom didn’t last long. Less than 18 months later, I was behind bars for a second time – for restraining a person after being struck over the head with a large wooden doll’s house. Another 33 days of my life snuffed out due to drinking. However, the other person got off scot free. Upon release, the Queensland Government deemed me unfit to partake in disability support work after nearly 20 years in the job.
This was a turning point in my life. Drinking became a way of life as I was disillusioned with everything, I would drink most days and to excess. In July 2015, I relocated to Melbourne’s south eastern suburbs. Having spent my formative years in one of Sydney’s toughest and roughest suburbs, namely Riverwood, I fell into a “lovely” place called Dandenong. It is here that I received my fourth drink driving charge in October 2015 and slapped with an attempted murder and use of a controlled weapon charges, both of which were dropped due to lack of evidence. Understandably, the drink driving stuck and I haven’t driven to this day.
Then along comes COVID. What a false blessing indeed! With substantially increased Jobseeker payments and all the time in the world, myself and a best mate, along with our “share” girlfriend, undertook a course of spiraling self destruction. For months on end, it was rent first, alcohol second and food a distant third in our financial priorities. Anything else didn’t exist. As we had alternating pay weeks, the supply of alcohol was endless. Wake up, get a stubby, drink ten or more then off to the bottle shop for more supplies. We ended up getting casks of cheap wine for backup. Go to sleep, wake up and start all over – for months on end.
While my friends didn’t suffer (that I know of), I felt something was seriously wrong. I had my last drink on 27 February this year and admitted myself to hospital two days later. Ten days later, I was transferred to a specialist liver clinic at Clayton Monash Hospital where I had 10.1 kgs of abdominal fluid drained from my body in five hours – sure signs of a very sick liver. After multiple medications and total abstinence from alcohol, I have stabilized. Although the specialists have never said that word – cirrhosis – to my face, from analysing the symptoms and medications, I’ve got it. It’s not curable, once you have it, you have it for life, not unlike herpes, which I also have.
My recovery has been a minor miracle is halting the progression of the disease. Now I’m on six monthly checkups, much to the treating staff’s delight. And mine!
I don’t blame anybody but myself for the life I’ve led, just me. It wasn’t my upbringing or childhood environment that put me where I am presently. I’ve paid the price. Two broken marriages, three lost houses and now a life of bare existence, a day to day proposition in reality. The bottom line is that wanting to see what 2024 would look like, provided the main motivation for where I am now.
Feel free to ask me any questions, whether you are facing the same or not. As I’ve said before, I’m here to help where I can.
Thank you for your audience.
