[Skipton]

Did I Read That Sign Right?​

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW.
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In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.
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In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS...
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In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN.
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------
In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK, STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD.
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Outside a second-hand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS...
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Spotted in a safari park:
(I sure hope so.)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR.
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Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR.
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Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.
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Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS.
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On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK.)
Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn't you say?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife
And Daughter
This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible! He put in a correction the next day.
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ -----------------
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
Really?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!
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Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
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Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
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Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works better than a fair trial!
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War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Really?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ ----------------------
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Who would have thought!
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Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
They may be on to something!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
He probably IS the battery charge!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Weren't they fat enough?!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
That's what he gets for eating those beans!
------------------------------ ------------------------------ ------------------------------ --------------------
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** ****
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Boy, are they tall!
****************************** ****************************** ****************************** *****
And the winner is...
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Did I read that right?

 

[Dennis]

If you look hard enough you will find a joke somewhere, Laughter is the best medicine.

Dennis R's Morning Pun, Doctor, Doctor, everyone hates me, Don't be silly, not everyone has met you yet.

 

[dabangler]

"A large hole has appeared in the King William Street Bridge. Police are looking into it"

 

[markinthebush]

I used to chuckle everytime I saw the old Selsun shampoo label:
WASH HAIR AND SCALP THOROUGHLY

 

[Canman]

When working in old Parliament House and the cleaners were at work in the ladies toilet, a sign (in gold lettering mind) said ’use other end’ always got a smile from me.

 

[Andrew]

Many years ago when driving past Parafield Airport SA, there was a sign, Flying lessons, Instructor included.

 

[Macarj]

Hysteric I just couldn't stop laughing

 

[Littleboy8]

Hysteric I just couldn't stop laughing

 

[stev3281]

loved it.

 

[Papabear]

The honeymooners wanted to fly United, the Hostess said NO.

 

[Veggiepatch]

Last week on a Channel 9 news update.

"Bendigo mother found murdered. Police hold grave fears for her safety".
.....................................................................................................................
About 10 years ago, again Channel 9. On a telecast of an NRL game, one commentator stated "The team who scores the most points by full time will win this!"

 

[Knackers]

Last week on a Channel 9 news update.

"Bendigo mother found murdered. Police hold grave fears for her safety".
.....................................................................................................................
About 10 years ago, again Channel 9. On a telecast of an NRL game, one commentator stated "The team who scores the most points by full time will win this!"

To the Bendigo Police.....Maxwell Smart would have commented, "Missed it by THAT much!"

 

[deni67]

I saw a news article once, it was out of America and the headlines read something like this:
"Headless body found in garbage bag, head found further down the river", police suspect foul play"

Ok then lol...
And here is a couple of signs iv'e seen online, who knows if they are true or not..

 

[Littleboy8]

I saw a news article once, it was out of America and the headlines read something like this:
"Headless body found in garbage bag, head found further down the river", police suspect foul play"

Ok then lol...
And here is a couple of signs iv'e seen online, who knows if they are true or not..

Coollove these