[Mikev]

Dad Joke ​

Teacher: “Johnny, can you use the word ‘gruesome’ in a sentence?”

Johnny: “Yes miss. I used to be shorter, then I gruesome.”

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Afternoon Joke. Our goalkeeper is so dumb he will not catch the ball he thinks that's what the net is for.

 

[SirExton]

A lady fell by a Scottish man wearing a kilt, in her desperate state, she accidentally reached out and her hand went up his kilt and she touched his John McBride (pride and joy) She exclaimed "haagh that's gruesom!" The Scotsmen said "put Ur hand up there again Mrs. An it will gruesom'ore!"

 

[Luckyus]

A lady fell by a Scottish man wearing a kilt, in her desperate state, she accidentally reached out and her hand went up his kilt and she touched his John McBride (pride and joy) She exclaimed "haagh that's gruesom!" The Scotsmen said "put Ur hand up there again Mrs. An it will gruesom'ore!"

I groaned some?

 

[SirExton]

I groaned some?

At least U can!

 

[Luckyus]

"Can you give me any synonyms for the word 'relief'?"
"Well, I can think of a phew."

 

[SirExton]

I groaned some?

At least U could check out Ur voice box, Lockyus

 

[Luckyus]

My Girlfriend told me I couldn’t make a car out of lasagne sheets.
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

 

[Luckyus]

My wife hates it when I swap the labels on the chocolate biscuits.
She really gets her snickers in a twix about it.

 

[Luckyus]

My wife rearranged the labels on my spice rack.
I haven’t confronted her about it yet but the thyme is cumin.

 

[Luckyus]

What do you a call a dog that can do magic tricks?
A labracadabrador

 

[Luckyus]

A Buddhist goes to a hot dog stall:
”I want One with Everything”
Stall holder handed him the hot dog and the
Buddhist hands him a £20 note which
the stall holder just put in the drawer.
Buddhist: “Where‘s my change?”
Stall holder: “Change comes from within.”

 

[Veggiepatch]

My wife came home tonight and said "I've had a exact copy of your willy tattooed on my neck."

I said "Where? I can't see anything."

She said "Exactly."

 

[Veggiepatch]

What's four inches long, one and half inches wide, and drives women crazy?

An empty toilet paper roll....