[Skipton]

Cuckoo​

The other night i was invited out for a night with the girls.
I told my husband that i would be home by midnight, "I promise"...
Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily.
Around 3 am. A bit loaded, i headed for home. Just as i got in the door,
the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times...
Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, i cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution,
in order to escape a possible conflict with him...
(Even when totally smashed… 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12 cuckoos = MIDNIGHT !)
The next morning my husband asked me what time i got in, i told him "MIDNIGHT"…
He didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, i got away with that one!
Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock". When i asked him why, he said,
"Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, "oh sh*t"
Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times,
giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted"

 

[Littleboy8]

funny

 

[Dennis]

Next time just slip into the spare bedroom.

Dennis R's Afternoon Joke. Why did the triangle player quit the orchestra? It was just one ting after another.

 

[wjs1957]

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six-pack abs, and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his butt. The old lady figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. She gave him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, he sounded sooo sensual! Thought the old lady. Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I want is s*x. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?" asked the old lady. "That sounds absolutely fantastic, madam, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

 

[Littleboy8]

A little old lady checked into a motel on her 70th birthday, but she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in the phone books for escorts and sensual massages." She looked through the phone book, found a full-page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six-pack abs, and she felt quite certain she could bounce a quarter off his butt. The old lady figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. She gave him a call. "Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?" Oh my, he sounded sooo sensual! Thought the old lady. Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in. "Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I want is s*x. I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, I'm ready!! Now how does that sound?" asked the old lady. "That sounds absolutely fantastic, madam, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

 

[Phil_Byrne]

Brilliant. That actually made me laugh out loud and I was all alone. Thankyou.

 

[chinkapook]

Good one

 

[UruauP]

Good one.