[Luckyus]

"It turns out a major new study recently
Found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
But, I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey."

 

[Luckyus]

When ordering food at a new restaurant,
My wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken
“Nothing special,” he explained.
“We just tell them they’re going to die.”

 

[Luckyus]

What’s the difference between
a baby and a sweet potato?

About 140 calories.

 

[Luckyus]

How many babies does it take to paint a wall
Depends on how hard you throw them

 

[Luckyus]

My wife left a note on the fridge saying,
“This is not working”.
I don’t know what she’s talking about,
The fridge is working fine.

 

[Luckyus]

"If you think I would joke about Alzheimer’s, forget it."

 

[Luckyus]

What is the recipe for Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone without dressing.

 

[Luckyus]

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

 

[Luckyus]

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife.”

 

[Luckyus]

Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours.
Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

 

[Luckyus]

"I just got my doctor's test results
And I'm really upset about it.
Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor."

 

[Luckyus]

"I just got my doctor's test results and I'm really upset about it.
Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor."

 

[Luckyus]

"My favorite Disney movie is
The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a hero with a twisted back story."

 

[Luckyus]

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

[Luckyus]

Stop elephant poaching.

Everyone knows the best way to eat an elephant is grilled.

 

[Luckyus]

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words.
“Erase my search history, son.”

 

[Luckyus]

Doctor: “You’ll be at peace soon.”

Man: “Am I dying?”

Doctor: “No, your wife is.”

 

[Luckyus]

When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his
cremation to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was, to be Frank in Stein.

 

[Luckyus]

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip-off!

 

[Luckyus]

Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital?

Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.