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Ask Joy: Living with Pain and Enjoying Life

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By April Bradford
  • Replies 23
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

As we adjust to all the little twists and turns of getting older, most of us will suffer some form of pain. The more serious pain comes from arthritis, surgery, or illness and from new knees and wobbly hips, amongst many others. Pain is unavoidable in life, whether it be physical, mental or emotional, but how we handle that pain is whether we have a happy and enjoyable life or a life governed and held hostage to pain.

Life is not over when we have chronic pain; it just needs some tweaking.



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April Bradford said:
Note from the Editor:
This article was kindly written for the SDC by retired psychologist/ member @Joy Straw.

As we adjust to all the little twists and turns of getting older, most of us will suffer some form of pain. The more serious pain comes from arthritis, surgery, or illness and from new knees and wobbly hips, amongst many others. Pain is unavoidable in life, whether it be physical, mental or emotional, but how we handle that pain is whether we have a happy and enjoyable life or a life governed and held hostage to pain.

Life is not over when we have chronic pain; it just needs some tweaking.



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Joy Straw said:
Pain is a reminder that we’re alive, but it would be nice to just enjoy life without it. Thinking of you and share Pain.
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Absolutely it’s horrible I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy🤔but then again😈just been doing my stretching outside and 1/2hour of weeding so all good.hope your okay😍
 
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Great article, thank you! I'm in my early 60s and have chronic pain (back and hips) plus 5 weeks ago I had surgery on both feet and walking is still very difficult and painful. My best friend is taking me shopping next week and I have just booked a mobility scooter. I have never used one before and I am actually kind of looking forward to it! I know I am very lucky that it is only temporary until my feet heal.
 
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ElleJay said:
Great article, thank you! I'm in my early 60s and have chronic pain (back and hips) plus 5 weeks ago I had surgery on both feet and walking is still very difficult and painful. My best friend is taking me shopping next week and I have just booked a mobility scooter. I have never used one before and I am actually kind of looking forward to it! I know I am very lucky that it is only temporary until my feet heal.
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Gosh wish my pain was temporary but could be worse I could be immobile and not be able to do anything.theres always someone worse off than yourself. 😢no point in feeling sorry oneself😁life goes on😈
 
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ElleJay said:
Great article, thank you! I'm in my early 60s and have chronic pain (back and hips) plus 5 weeks ago I had surgery on both feet and walking is still very difficult and painful. My best friend is taking me shopping next week and I have just booked a mobility scooter. I have never used one before and I am actually kind of looking forward to it! I know I am very lucky that it is only temporary until my feet heal.
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You go get it! You will love being out and about and showing others we can’t be knocked out just slowed down a little 😁
 
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Joy Straw said:
You go get it! You will love being out and about and showing others we can’t be knocked out just slowed down a little 😁
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Well I’m proud I stopped depending on my wheelie walker .Now I haven’t felt like an old granny in a long time.😹or looked like one.i still limp but what the hell.😈I go for short walks and actually meet people I didn’t know existed.🙀
 
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Every time I read something on pain relief, I actually feel more despondent.
Any and all assistance and help posted are mostly physical and therefore, impossible to apply.

Due to a work accident almost 16 years ago, it seems I am only deteriorating more rapidly each month. After 3 back surgeries including a plate and rotating prosthesis (that collapsed after 11 days and was unsuccessfully "repaired”) plus numerous further injuries occurring from being unable to walk properly, including a plate insertion for a smashed radius, and tendon replacement in my thumb, broken wrists, fingers and ribs, to mention a few - it's no wonder.

As if this, with arthritis, GORD, Diverticulosis and severe long-life IBS, were not enough, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 2 years ago.
Long story short, I spent 16 hours a day for 11 months, leaving my home an average of once a week.
I have now been bed-bound further (lying down only - as sitting for more than about 3 minutes is too painful) 23 hours a day, for almost 19 months, having left my home 5 times during this period (1 to the Pain Clinic, 1 to the dentist and 3 to the hospital).

Because I am and always have been, a very healthy person and have nothing palliative to show, most people don't believe me and the majority who do have the attitude of, "Oh, it's ONLY pain!" Basically, if you're not dying you're not worthy of priority help.
I have been abused by 4 doctors up to now, being told, "It's your fault". "You did this to yourself"., "You're being dramatic", "You're exaggerating", "I don't believe you". "You need to go to an Aged Home". I have also twice been refused prescribed opioid meds while my doctor was away and told to wait ‘till she returns.
Even threatened for almost a year, by Medical and Admin Staff for not attending the practice, that they would no longer give me appointments by phone. I have even reported them to the Ombudsman and never even got an apology.

Eight months ago, I started developing eczema, something I, nor anyone in my family has ever had. It eventually got so bad after spreading from my chest all the way to my groin. I developed numerous small, but painful ulcers, which have never cleared. This was only picked up when a nurse was eventually (5 months later) sent to my home to take a swab. She told me it was infected and insisted on calling an ambulance.
The hospital did nothing to assist me other than telling me a dermatologist would contact me telephonically in 2 days. I'm still waiting, after 2 months!
For almost 3 months I tried everything to get a nurse to dress them for me (as I was and am still, unable to reach the area) but, to no avail.

The thought of being in this state for possibly 20-30 years, is intolerable!
In my younger days, I worked with the Red Cross. did ambulance duty and assisted in suturing at government clinics, amongst other things in the medical field. I would never have thought I be in the position at age 49 where I would be retrenched for being a liability from an accident that they were responsible for!
Having to live on my superannuation for 7 years, to avoid homelessness, and partake in a 4.5-year legal battle against my employer which took me to the depths of hell with long-life depression... and no one but my beloved, now late, quadriplegic partner, for support.

I know there are people worse off than me, my closest friend is a prime example and I speak to her online every day without fail. She has been a rock for me and I let her know it.
I have no family in my state, so she and the only other things that have kept me going are my beloved furbaby and my very last hope of Aged Care assisting me from my 65th birthday in 2 weeks.
I even told the Aged Care representative, that this will hopefully, be the best birthday present ever!

Thank you all at SDC for reading this. I know a lot are going through similar issues and you understand. Well, so do I..!
Much love for all the support you didn’t know you were giving me.
xxx
mOiOz
 
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mOiOz said:
Every time I read something on pain relief, I actually feel more despondent.
Any and all assistance and help posted are mostly physical and therefore, impossible to apply.

Due to a work accident almost 16 years ago, it seems I am only deteriorating more rapidly each month. After 3 back surgeries including a plate and rotating prosthesis (that collapsed after 11 days and was unsuccessfully "repaired”) plus numerous further injuries occurring from being unable to walk properly, including a plate insertion for a smashed radius, and tendon replacement in my thumb, broken wrists, fingers and ribs, to mention a few - it's no wonder.

As if this, with arthritis, GORD, Diverticulosis and severe long-life IBS, were not enough, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia 2 years ago.
Long story short, I spent 16 hours a day for 11 months, leaving my home an average of once a week.
I have now been bed-bound further (lying down only - as sitting for more than about 3 minutes is too painful) 23 hours a day, for almost 19 months, having left my home 5 times during this period (1 to the Pain Clinic, 1 to the dentist and 3 to the hospital).

Because I am and always have been, a very healthy person and have nothing palliative to show, most people don't believe me and the majority who do have the attitude of, "Oh, it's ONLY pain!" Basically, if you're not dying you're not worthy of priority help.
I have been abused by 4 doctors up to now, being told, "It's your fault". "You did this to yourself"., "You're being dramatic", "You're exaggerating", "I don't believe you". "You need to go to an Aged Home". I have also twice been refused prescribed opioid meds while my doctor was away and told to wait ‘till she returns.
Even threatened for almost a year, by Medical and Admin Staff for not attending the practice, that they would no longer give me appointments by phone. I have even reported them to the Ombudsman and never even got an apology.

Eight months ago, I started developing eczema, something I, nor anyone in my family has ever had. It eventually got so bad after spreading from my chest all the way to my groin. I developed numerous small, but painful ulcers, which have never cleared. This was only picked up when a nurse was eventually (5 months later) sent to my home to take a swab. She told me it was infected and insisted on calling an ambulance.
The hospital did nothing to assist me other than telling me a dermatologist would contact me telephonically in 2 days. I'm still waiting, after 2 months!
For almost 3 months I tried everything to get a nurse to dress them for me (as I was and am still, unable to reach the area) but, to no avail.

The thought of being in this state for possibly 20-30 years, is intolerable!
In my younger days, I worked with the Red Cross. did ambulance duty and assisted in suturing at government clinics, amongst other things in the medical field. I would never have thought I be in the position at age 49 where I would be retrenched for being a liability from an accident that they were responsible for!
Having to live on my superannuation for 7 years, to avoid homelessness, and partake in a 4.5-year legal battle against my employer which took me to the depths of hell with long-life depression... and no one but my beloved, now late, quadriplegic partner, for support.

I know there are people worse off than me, my closest friend is a prime example and I speak to her online every day without fail. She has been a rock for me and I let her know it.
I have no family in my state, so she and the only other things that have kept me going are my beloved furbaby and my very last hope of Aged Care assisting me from my 65th birthday in 2 weeks.
I even told the Aged Care representative, that this will hopefully, be the best birthday present ever!

Thank you all at SDC for reading this. I know a lot are going through similar issues and you understand. Well, so do I..!
Much love for all the support you didn’t know you were giving me.
xxx
mOiOz
Click to expand...
Hi mOiOz I’m sorry that you’ve been going through so much ongoing grief. Is it time to see a professional counsellor , I see you are attached to a Pain Clinic well done! Now you need to take control of your pain and I understand how exhausting that can be . Taking control means acknowledging to yourself there’s going to be not good days and days that are a little better. Getting up and doing an activity for 10 minutes and then resting is a lot better than doing nothing and laying in bed in pain . You may need to tell your doctor over and over exactly how much pain you’re in. A good ideas is to do an outline drawing of front and back then write down the areas of pain, give them a scale 1-10 and then start your GP/pain clinic visit by showing them this. Your pain is relevant to you. Everyone has a different tolerance to pain so you need to humanise your pain to people. The main thing is to surround yourself with positive friends but share carefully because they can become exhausted by your pain, share yourself around 😉 No that you have a community that supports each other here Look after yourself and advocate for yourself 💖 Joy
 
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Joy Straw said:
Hi mOiOz I’m sorry that you’ve been going through so much ongoing grief. Is it time to see a professional counsellor , I see you are attached to a Pain Clinic well done! Now you need to take control of your pain and I understand how exhausting that can be . Taking control means acknowledging to yourself there’s going to be not good days and days that are a little better. Getting up and doing an activity for 10 minutes and then resting is a lot better than doing nothing and laying in bed in pain . You may need to tell your doctor over and over exactly how much pain you’re in. A good ideas is to do an outline drawing of front and back then write down the areas of pain, give them a scale 1-10 and then start your GP/pain clinic visit by showing them this. Your pain is relevant to you. Everyone has a different tolerance to pain so you need to humanise your pain to people. The main thing is to surround yourself with positive friends but share carefully because they can become exhausted by your pain, share yourself around 😉 No that you have a community that supports each other here Look after yourself and advocate for yourself 💖 Joy
Click to expand...
I love your advice joy😍its so spot on.
 
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Joy Straw said:
Hi mOiOz I’m sorry that you’ve been going through so much ongoing grief. Is it time to see a professional counsellor , I see you are attached to a Pain Clinic well done! Now you need to take control of your pain and I understand how exhausting that can be . Taking control means acknowledging to yourself there’s going to be not good days and days that are a little better. Getting up and doing an activity for 10 minutes and then resting is a lot better than doing nothing and laying in bed in pain . You may need to tell your doctor over and over exactly how much pain you’re in. A good ideas is to do an outline drawing of front and back then write down the areas of pain, give them a scale 1-10 and then start your GP/pain clinic visit by showing them this. Your pain is relevant to you. Everyone has a different tolerance to pain so you need to humanise your pain to people. The main thing is to surround yourself with positive friends but share carefully because they can become exhausted by your pain, share yourself around 😉 No that you have a community that supports each other here Look after yourself and advocate for yourself 💖 Joy
Click to expand...
Thank you Joy for your supportive response.
I have been seeing a psychologist and have found him to be incredibly understanding and imperative. However, 10 sections for 50 mins a year, is nowhere near sufficient. I attempted to get more through my Health Care Plan, as I did in the past - as I can no longer afford private sessions. However, after much research and contradictory information, I was told the extra annual sessions were ceased at the end of last year.

Physically getting up to do most things is almost always impossible. I am unable to stand for more than approximately 2 minutes before blood rushes out of my head, often alerted by someone nearby telling me how white or pale I appear. If I don’t sit or lie down immediately, I will inevitably blackout or faint. The same occurs when I sit for more than 4-5 minutes. Even on the loo, I constantly have blackouts.

From a very early age, I was told by many people, including medical staff, that I have a very high pain threshold. The problem is not me that cannot handle pain, it’s my body that can’t cope with it causing severe and extreme exhaustion, something I have NEVER experienced before.

As for the Pain Clinic doctor, he was one of the two who was so verbally abusive to me – and in front of a carer, who being a witness, was not even permitted to back me up.
This was the first time he saw my pale face. He had previously refused my many attempts to have an internet consultation, which was initially suggested, therefore, forcing me to attend the clinic, resulting in vomiting and passing out in the waiting room.

The first thing he literally said, when he came into the waiting room was, “Your face is so white it looks like you’re wearing a mask!” Within seconds he accused me of falsifying it by wearing make-up and shortly after, twice told me he ‘didn’t believe’ what I was saying and had the audacity to lie to my GP on the phone, in front of the carer and me, that I was requesting stronger and more medication.

My GP too, has refused to consult with me online, She visited me once in August, after being instructed by the Ombudsman that I need to be personally cited at least once annually, as all previous consultations during the year were telephonic.

The pain and discomfort that I experience are minimal compared to the amount of assistance I am not receiving and the horrendous bullying and abuse I receive instead.

Even being forced to attend the hospital 3 times for assistance, I am always sent home feeling worse than I arrived, with the same instruction each time… “Consult your GP.”
I feel TOTALLY abandoned by the Medical profession and the government!!!

Joy, please realise I do not expect you to become my personal counselor online. Your suggestions have been most appreciated – keep up the great work,

With Love and Respect
mOiOz
xxx
 
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mOiOz said:
Thank you Joy for your supportive response.
I have been seeing a psychologist and have found him to be incredibly understanding and imperative. However, 10 sections for 50 mins a year, is nowhere near sufficient. I attempted to get more through my Health Care Plan, as I did in the past - as I can no longer afford private sessions. However, after much research and contradictory information, I was told the extra annual sessions were ceased at the end of last year.

Physically getting up to do most things is almost always impossible. I am unable to stand for more than approximately 2 minutes before blood rushes out of my head, often alerted by someone nearby telling me how white or pale I appear. If I don’t sit or lie down immediately, I will inevitably blackout or faint. The same occurs when I sit for more than 4-5 minutes. Even on the loo, I constantly have blackouts.

From a very early age, I was told by many people, including medical staff, that I have a very high pain threshold. The problem is not me that cannot handle pain, it’s my body that can’t cope with it causing severe and extreme exhaustion, something I have NEVER experienced before.

As for the Pain Clinic doctor, he was one of the two who was so verbally abusive to me – and in front of a carer, who being a witness, was not even permitted to back me up.
This was the first time he saw my pale face. He had previously refused my many attempts to have an internet consultation, which was initially suggested, therefore, forcing me to attend the clinic, resulting in vomiting and passing out in the waiting room.

The first thing he literally said, when he came into the waiting room was, “Your face is so white it looks like you’re wearing a mask!” Within seconds he accused me of falsifying it by wearing make-up and shortly after, twice told me he ‘didn’t believe’ what I was saying and had the audacity to lie to my GP on the phone, in front of the carer and me, that I was requesting stronger and more medication.

My GP too, has refused to consult with me online, She visited me once in August, after being instructed by the Ombudsman that I need to be personally cited at least once annually, as all previous consultations during the year were telephonic.

The pain and discomfort that I experience are minimal compared to the amount of assistance I am not receiving and the horrendous bullying and abuse I receive instead.

Even being forced to attend the hospital 3 times for assistance, I am always sent home feeling worse than I arrived, with the same instruction each time… “Consult your GP.”
I feel TOTALLY abandoned by the Medical profession and the government!!!

Joy, please realise I do not expect you to become my personal counselor online. Your suggestions have been most appreciated – keep up the great work,

With Love and Respect
mOiOz
xxx
Click to expand...
😢😢😢😢
 
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