[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 28.06.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Basurero_moral:

Am I being unreasonable for telling my wife she's making my life harder than it needs to be?

'So, here's the deal: I'm 30, and my wife, who's 32, is pregnant with our second child. It's a high-risk pregnancy, so she's been bedridden for the past two months. I work from home with flexible hours, so I've been juggling taking care of her, our toddler, the house, and my job.

Lately, my wife has been more demanding, asking for time-consuming things or just distractions like going to the store for ice cream, changing her pillows, or playing with our kid like usual. I told her I needed to focus on work because I hadn't been meeting my 8-hour work quota due to all the extra tasks, plus cooking and childcare.

Today, I had an important meeting and asked her not to disturb me. Somehow, she caused a short circuit that fried the bedroom TV, panicked, and made our kid panic too. She started bleeding from the stress. I had to cut my meeting short, got reprimanded at work, checked for more damage, calmed our kid, and cleaned up my wife.

I'm the sole breadwinner, and money is tight, so I got stressed about possibly losing my job and snapped at her. I asked why she had to make things so difficult for me. She started crying, called me an a*****e, and then called her parents, who came and took her away, calling me an a*****e too.

I get that pregnancy, especially high-risk, is tough. But I only asked for an hour of uninterrupted time. Was that too much to ask? Am I being unreasonable?'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[Bullwinkle]

You need to step up a tell her enough is enough….
She is not the only woman in the world to have a high risk pregnancy…do what you need to for her in the morning, afternoon and evening…
Leave her to her own devices for those few hours in between.
Get on with your work, you need to tell her “if I do not work and do my full quota of hours each day, there will be no bread winner in this family””
It’s not all about your wife.

 

[what]

You need to step up a tell her enough is enough….
She is not the only woman in the world to have a high risk pregnancy…do what you need to for her in the morning, afternoon and evening…
Leave her to her own devices for those few hours in between.
Get on with your work, you need to tell her “if I do not work and do my full quota of hours each day, there will be no bread winner in this family””
It’s not all about your wife.

Look after her it's your baby as well, she didn't get pregnant by herself. So what you have to do "so much" she probably does that 365 days of the year. She won't be pregnant forever then it will be all on her shoulders again by the sound of things.

 

[Jo Piper3]

2 sides to every story.

 

[sweetscent62]

It says that she had bleeding...which means she's in danger of having a miscarriage. She's better off with her parents. Having been through this myself with an unsympathetic husband and losing the baby it really struck a nerve! Get some time off work.

 

[sweetscent62]

P.S. you are an a-hole!

 

[sweetscent62]

Look after her it's your baby as well, she didn't get pregnant by herself. So what you have to do "so much" she probably does that 365 days of the year. She won't be pregnant forever then it will be all on her shoulders again by the sound of things.

Absolutely!!

 

[Bridgit]

No not unreasonable - she needs to stop being so needy and acknowledge he has to work. If he doesn't work then there will be no money then no food then no roof over their heads. Sure stay at home Mums do the lot while Dad is at work - normal. If she is having bed rest because he works from home at home - then her Mummy might like to step up and be a Granma and take the child a few days a week and give a hand where needed - I did and I also worked a 40 hour week when my oldest had a difficult pregnancy - his Mum was oh so busy in her job and wouldn't share the load and then wondered why her son spat the dummy when she griped about not seeing much of the first child!

 

[Iturate]

It’s called weaponised incompetence. No, asking for an hour to do your job? Not the ahole
I understand high risk pregnancy and maybe if you are able it might be good to call on her parents before it devolves into an upsetting situation for everyone.

 

[mOiOz]

Now you know what women with kids do all day and every day...!
Best suggestion yet - after this birth, get the snip and stop acting like a cactus!

 

[Bridgit]

Now you know what women with kids do all day and every day...!
Best suggestion yet - after this birth, get the snip and stop acting like a cactus!

Point is they don't have a job and have to meet deadlines and keep the boss happy as well as - where does she think the money comes from - the fairies? Also assuming that this pregnancy was planned and she is hitting a rough patch - her parents should have stepped up earlier.

 

[Veggiepatch]

It says that she had bleeding...which means she's in danger of having a miscarriage. She's better off with her parents. Having been through this myself with an unsympathetic husband and losing the baby it really struck a nerve! Get some time off work.

She could have cut her finger on a sharp knife too!

Oh wait! What is she doing with a knife? Sounds lazy enough not have any use for a knife.

 

[Veggiepatch]

She won't be pregnant forever then it will be all on her shoulders again by the sound of things.

If I was the husband, she wouldn't be pregnant again.

 

[mOiOz]

Point is they don't have a job and have to meet deadlines and keep the boss happy as well as - where does she think the money comes from - the fairies? Also assuming that this pregnancy was planned and she is hitting a rough patch - her parents should have stepped up earlier.

If they don't have the finances or help, they should've thought about it BEFORE having another child.
Even after the birth, if she has no other family, who will look after the kids if she gets ill again?

 

[donnacarder]

Unreasonable, no but sympathetic no as well. You are right you have to work, many of us have had to do what your wife does during a difficult pregnancy or a new born with major birth defects and work at home wasn't an option. It takes a bit of out of the box thinking. If this is a necessary situation again, organise a friend/mother/sister to come in and keep her company, a sort of 'coffee outing' without the outing. It would be driving her mad not to get out. But it is probably the same for you. Once a week organise for grandparent, aunties or uncles etc to come over. One for your child, one to to have a coffee outing with your wife. Then you organise a coffee outing with mates. Stick to an hour or two to start. Then have the grandparents take your child and you and you wife, have 'lunch in'. Just the two of you order in, chat about each other, play a board game, card game, watch a favourite show. Then as family and friends understand that you both need a bit of away and together time, extend it for an evening. We all find our selves a little hurt, less than understanding of anothers shoes, and both of you seem to be suffering. But never be afraid to ask for outside help or accept it if it is offered. This will hopefully help you both 'have a time out' from the burdens both of you are experiencing. I hope that this helps you all.

 

[mOiOz]

Now you know what women with kids do all day and every day...!
Best suggestion yet - after this birth, get the snip and stop acting like a cactus!

PS: Call me what you like, but the safety of the mother and baby comes first and foremost. If you have to lose some pay, so be it.... it's only temporary, hopefully. You can always get another job, but you'll never get your wife or child back.

 

[Scaveola]

I’m suspicious that the woman would have to be bed ridden. At risk of thrombosis doing that. She’s being unreasonable expecting him to do everything and interrupting his work. If she has bleeding it needs investigation Possibly hospitalisation and there are new progesterone treatments which are very safe and can prevent miscarriage.

 

[Bridgit]

PS: Call me what you like, but the safety of the mother and baby comes first and foremost. If you have to lose some pay, so be it.... it's only temporary, hopefully. You can always get another job, but you'll never get your wife or child back.

She should be in hospital - not at home!

 

[mOiOz]

She should be in hospital - not at home!

Totally agree, but a government hospital, anywhere in the world, would only keep her till the bleeding stops - a few days. After that - she would have to go private and that would cost more money than the husband would lose if he left his job to look after her.
Once again - planning beforehand, is the only answer.

 

[Bridgit]

Totally agree, but a government hospital, anywhere in the world, would only keep her till the bleeding stops - a few days. After that - she would have to go private and that would cost more money than the husband would lose if he left his job to look after her.
Once again - planning beforehand, is the only answer.

Too late for that - go home to Mumma and try not to lean all over her else she will run out of options.