AIBU 26.07.2024
AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Throwaway-Kyl123e3:
Am I being unreasonable for asking my husband to stop talking to his female friend?
I had posted almost 6 months ago regarding my husband's friend Kyla betting that our marriage would not last for more than 2 years. I was upset and had asked my husband to stop talking to her, because she disrespected our marriage.
Since then, Kyla has tried to stir up issues between my husband and I. After I wrote the post, my husband was trying to convince me that Kyla was just joking when she made those comments, and it happened so long ago.
Kyla messaged me the next day apologising for her comments and also for not making more efforts to connect with me. I accepted her apology and started warming up to her. She started inviting me for brunches and girls' night out with them and I felt included in their friend group.
One day during brunch, I brought up why Kyla really thought our marriage would not work out. Kyla told me that my husband broke up with his long-term ex-girlfriend Joanna 2 months before he started dating me.
I knew that part, but Kyla told me that my husband was really heartbroken after the breakup and swore to her that he would stay away from dating anyone.
When he met me, she was surprised how quickly we hit it off. Kyla thought that I was his rebound relationship, but when he proposed to me within a year, she was worried that he was making a very rash decision.
My husband's family is rich, and she thought it was unwise for him to marry so quickly without knowing me well. She did not know enough about me and that my family is also very well-off.
That is why she was concerned that I was taking advantage of his vulnerable state. She apologised to me and said that it was wrong for her to assume that and over the years, she has seen how happy we are together. I appreciated her honesty and Kyla and I became good friends since then and started hanging out more frequently.
Around 2 months ago, my husband went to Seattle for a conference for three nights. After he came back, I got a message on Instagram from Joanna (his ex). She told me that my husband contacted her a few months ago and they met in Seattle during the conference, and she could give me more proof if I wanted.
I made a mistake of mentioning it to Kyla, as she was the only person honest to me about Joanna. She was still friends with Joanna on Instagram, as they all went to college together. We checked her photos, and we saw that she attended the same conference as my husband did in Seattle. Kyla suggested I should ask Joanna for more proof and also ask my husband about the same before assuming the worst.
I asked my husband if he met Joanna, and he said yes. He told me he just met her in the expo hall and chatted with her for a few minutes. I asked him why he did not mention it to me, and he told me it was just a quick conversation, and he did not think too much of it. He asked me how I knew it, and I told him that Kyla mentioned that she saw her pictures at the conference, and I thought he might have seen her.
I messaged Joanna again to share more proof. She told me that they have been chatting for the past 2 months and planned to attend the conference together. She shared a log of their messages, where my husband was actively flirting with her.
I talked to Kyla about it, as I did not know what to believe. I messaged Joanna to tell us what happened between them, and she told me that he invited her to the room at nights and they hooked up, but she does not have any photos as he insisted they do not take any pictures together.
I immediately realised it was fake. Joanna kept on insisting that she spent the nights with my husband in his room on all three nights. But I told her that my husband and I were playing video games for almost 2-3 hours each night after his dinner as that is what we do to catch up when he is away. Unless Joanna was sitting behind him watching us play until he fell asleep, then she was lying.
I also told my husband about the whole incident, and he told me I should have come to him sooner. He told me that he has gone no-contact with Joanna ever since they broke up, and he just ran into her at the conference. He told me I could check his phone and everything to verify that he has blocked her everywhere.
When all the friends met that weekend, my husband and I told everyone about how Joanna sent messages to me and faked everything. Kyla was also telling what happened as she had told her about it.
Kyla accidentally let it slip out that it's lucky we played video games at nights before sleeping. I never told Kyla about the video game stuff. It took me until I came home to connect the dots.
I told my husband about it, and he confronted Kyla. She denied it and told him that I told her about the video game stuff on a phone call, but I don't remember doing it.
We have since decided to keep our distance from Kyla. Kyla has called me multiple times to meet up, but I just make up reasons that I am busy. I do not know why she did it, but at this point, I am not interested in it, and we have decided to just see her on social occasions and avoid hanging out with her as much as possible.
I feel stupid that she played me for a fool, and I should have not gone to her when Joanna started messaging me. In hindsight, it seems suspicious that Kyla started telling me about Joanna and at the same time, Joanna claimed to have an affair with my husband.
I do not know what her intentions are, but I am mad enough that I will avoid her as much as possible. I wish I had some real proof that she was the one messaging me, so that I could expose her. I also feel bad for suspecting my husband. But I am glad my husband and I are on the same page now. Am I being unreasonable?
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