[Danielle G.]

AIBU 15.11.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Head-Juggernaut-2730:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to pay for a shared holiday with family that I'm no longer attending?

'Our family has been growing, and since last year, we started booking a holiday home in the countryside just before Christmas so we could all spend time together before celebrating separately with our own smaller families. Most of us live in small city apartments, so there's no space to host everyone. The house we rent is quite expensive but spacious, with a sauna, fireplace, and a chef's kitchen—perfect for a Christmas getaway. Each family also has their own room with an ensuite.'

'This year, we booked the same house right after last year’s stay and made the down payment at the beginning of the year. In May, I informed my family that we (my husband, kids, and I) were moving overseas. My cousin and her partner, who are expecting a baby, also decided not to go. Her parents said they'd cover her share of the cost.'

'Now, my sister is asking me to pay for my share, saying it's unfair for the rest of them to cover the extra cost. Dividing it among the others would only be about $15 more each, but my sister thinks it’s unfair for my cousin’s parents to pay for our share as well.'

'I’m really torn. Should I just pay to keep the peace? I’m upset because this feels unfair, especially since we’re tight on money after the big move. It’s also been harder to communicate with my family now that we’re on the other side of the world, though in some ways, being distant from family drama can be a relief. I miss them all and want to do the right thing, but I can’t help feeling this isn’t fair.'

 

[Kayer02]

You are not obligated to pay. Your sister is being unreasonable to expect you to do so. Circumstances change, be it financial, health, distances etc. If they still want to go on a holiday then they might have to lower their standards and rent a cheaper place. They are just lucky to be able to afford to still go away for their holidays. Many others no longer have that chance.

 

[Ringdragon]

If you ain't going, you ain't paying.

 

[Jo Piper3]

Not unreasonable as you are unable to attend and did provide an explanation of the reason

 

[beauravn]

That depends on how much of a family rift it would cause if you politely said "we can't afford to pay and have no choice but to decline". Sometimes the repercussions can be worse than simply paying any way. However, I suspect that this is NOT the entire family demanding that you still pay, simply just your sister/siblings being bi... er... 'sisterly'

 

[Nozmo]

You should not feel obligated to pay for a holiday you will not be enjoying.
If money is required for the spare room it could always be paid for and used by another relative or friend.

 

[MIZMAC]

Your sister is the unreasonable one. Would they help pay your fares from overseas? Of course not.
We meet each year too but only those who go pay.

 

[magpie1]

You moved overseas in MAY......you advised them that because of the move and travel expenses that you would not be attending this year......if your sister can't understand that, then she is the one being unreasonable NOT yourself.

 

[Noon]

No it's not unreasonable, why pay for it when you're not using it.

 

[Lindsay46]

You should pay this year because you agreed to pay when everyone signed up for it again last Christmas. You don’t have to pay future years. And as you will be paying you can invite someone of your choice to go in your place (so your costs are less).