[Athena E.]

AIBU 13.01.2025​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/CautiousHouse8265:

Am I being unreasonable for not buying my mother a birthday gift?

'My fiancée (Female, 25 years old) and I (Male, 25 years old) just had a baby last December 16. We are both on parental leave, and money is tight: we have bills, we just had Christmas, and we have a 3-week-old baby.'

'Now here is the situation: My mother’s birthday is the first week of January and she has asked for a gift. I politely stated I couldn’t afford to get her a gift this year, and if I did, it would be late. I was respectful in hopes she’d be understanding. I was wrong. Her response was along the lines of "I’ll forget about your birthday this year then". Which is fine, I don’t care about my birthday.'

'This was the icing on the cake. I told her I couldn’t get her a gift and I didn’t care if she forgot my birthday. In response to that, my mum started blaming my fiancée for me not getting her a gift and calling this whole conversation abuse. Basically, it insinuates that we are neglecting her or outcasting her.'

'For more background, ever since my fiancée got pregnant back in April 2024, my mum has tried to make the whole experience about her. She got mad when my fiancée didn’t take her to appointments with her. She got mad when I found out the gender intimately with my fiancée. She was upset with the last name we gave our son and made side comments about how my fiancée's mum was allowed in the delivery room and not her. Not to mention all the side comments saying my fiancée is a b**** or is paranoid. I have defended my fiancée through it all but it is getting ridiculous.'

'Am I being unreasonable for being against my mum?'

 

[Suzanne rose]

I always tell my kids don't get me presents at 68 there is nothing I need of cause my daughter always gets me something but that's just the way she is she would much rather give than receive

And that shows what a good job you did raising her

 

[magpie1]

You are a grown man with your own family now.....suggest that you have a quiet sit down with Mum and try and de-escalate any further unpleasantness between firstly you and her and then include your wife and her feelings....no one wants to isolate themselves from family if it can be avoided and all avenues have been quietly addressed first off. Wish you the very best of luck and hope it all gets harmoniously resolved.

 

[Miss Jewel]

You are not being unreasonable, your mother is toxic. Better cut ties now rather than down the track when your child could be hurt because of her mind games.

 

[Defiant540]

Wow, as a Mum and Grandma I can only say that your Mum sounds like a real piece of work.
I wouldn't want my mother-in-law in the delivery room with me and it's your child to name.
It seems to me that she wants to be the centre of attention.
Do you have siblings? Maybe she doesn't want to let go.
You are both adults with your own family now so concentrate on your happiness.
It's tough when family members act unreasonably.
Good luck to you.
.
.

totally agree!

 

[mylittletibbies]

totally agree!

I can't believe your mother actually asked for a birthday gift, who does that??
I feel sorry for your partner, she sounds like the mother in law from hell.
You are not.being unreasonable. I think you need to have a good talk with her and explain that things can't continue that way.
My son had a mother in law like that and she actually told her daughter to choose between her or my son. Silly woman, her daughter chose my son obviously and now she doesn't see her grandchildren.
Not because they stop her, just because she is a stupid controlling woman.
Your mother needs to be careful she doesn't end up the same.

 

[Janice McKay]

Your Mum seems to think that she has to be more important than

 

[Janice McKay]

Your Mum seems to think that she has to be more important than your fiance . I think she needs to take a reality check and realise that you are now a grown man. You have a family to consider now.

 

[Kevin. A.]

I think the mother needs to grow up act your age not your shoe size and stop being so self-centered. The world does not revolve around you. If you (Mother) have to have a meltdown just because your daughter and her husband who are now looking after a new baby cannot afford to buy you a present. Shame on the Mother.

 

[Ree]

You gave your mum the BEST birthday present ever. You gave her a GRANDCHILD. What more could a normal, loving, mother want?
As far as thinking she has the right to be at the birth, she needs to get over herself. When I had my children and I spoke to my mum about the birth, she told me that childbirth was a private experience between husband and wife, as they started their own family.

 

[deni67]

Maybe she was this mum.