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Sethia Soliman

Sethia Soliman

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Jan 26, 2022
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AIBU 10.06.2024

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/SpareAstronaut1217.

Am I being unreasonable for telling my husband we have different priorities than his 30th birthday?


I am upset and think my husband is being selfish right now. I am married to Alex. I am currently three months pregnant and this pregnancy has been tough on me. In the past, I have miscarried so we are keeping this pregnancy a secret. I have awful morning sickness that has let up in the past month, and as I can’t tell anyone it has been hard, but Alex has supported me in this time.

Alex’s 30th birthday was Wednesday, and I invited close family and friends over and got catering from his favourite restaurant. I couldn’t cook huge volumes of food for guests or be up on my feet very long, so I made sure the party was short by throwing it on Sunday.

That way, people could leave early for work the next day. The party was tiring and while I wanted to be there for Alex, I was glad when everyone left as I just wanted to go to bed. The morning after Alex was talking about how much fun he had and I thought that was the end of it.

For his actual birthday on Wednesday, I made him a cake and got him a birthday present. He seemed disappointed and when I asked why he asked me if this was it. I was confused and he said he assumed I was throwing him a big surprise birthday as I knew how much celebrating his 30th meant to him.
I told him no, and that his party was what happened on Sunday and that I had been too sick and tired to plan anything bigger. That party alone was a huge effort for me, especially coordinating what worked for everyone else, which happened to be the Sunday and worked out best for me. I got upset, called him selfish, and have avoided him ever since.

He is upset as for my 30th he planned a big celebration and even invited my college friend from another country. I appreciated his effort and that was the best birthday anyone had ever planned for me, but that isn’t possible for me to do for him with my pregnancy. I told him we have different priorities now and he said that the baby wasn’t even here yet.

Alex has made it clear in the past that he wanted to throw a big birthday for his 30th, but with my pregnancy and him seeing how it affects me day to day, I thought he would be more understanding of the effort I did make and be more aware of what is possible for his birthday. So, am I being unreasonable?
 
I think you did more than you need to . Does he throw you a birthday party for you? I am very pleased my husband does not expect much at all for his birthday and he forgets mine often as well , that is until our son rings and then he feels bad . We are not big party people and if Alex wants a big party , he can organise that himself , nothing wrong with that , just grow up .
 
I’m so over parties, it’s just too hard to get the balance right. In my opinion the wife did ok. Husbands birthday was acknowledged and celebrated. I think it was a bit selfish of him to expect more with his wife being pregnant, it’s so tiring in those early months.
I have the opposite problem. My husband will turn 70 soon. He has asked the world and his wife to join him! Which is fine by me but then he tells me he doesn’t want a fuss and just wants immediate family for a low key BBQ. I say what about all these people you have been inviting. And he says oh they won’t come, I’m not having a party. So my problem is will he be expecting me to do a party for everyone or keep it to just a BBQ at home. Will he be disappointed if I do that? Will he be annoyed if I go all out? Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.
 
What a selfish husband, now it might be time to tell him she is unable to do the housework and cook his meals for him (maybe even throw up occasionally! just to prove a point) and see how much he is capable of doing by and for himself at least!

I had morning sickness for 7 months with my first child, I was still working AND my husband (a marine engineer at the time) spent more than half of my first pregnancy away at sea. And spent a lot of my next two pregnancies at sea as well. I managed, never had any reason to expect big from him (we’ve been married almost 57 years) and what’s the big deal about a 30th for him; probably expected to have his male friends for a big booze-up and expect her to clean up after them but it didn’t work with her pregnancy and it’s added sickness and inability to do a lot for a big party.

Get a life man and respect her - her pregnancy was the result of an act by both of you and not a miracle baby!! If only men could experience just one pregnancy they’ll soon respect what a woman goes through.
 
Maybe instead of having the party on the Sunday it should have been organised for the Wednesday. I think the both of them are in the wrong. People would have gone home early on the Wednesday Night as it is usually a work day the next day anyway. They should have talked about it prior to the day so it could have been expected and resolved. Instead of fighting about it.
 
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I think you did more than you need to . Does he throw you a birthday party for you? I am very pleased my husband does not expect much at all for his birthday and he forgets mine often as well , that is until our son rings and then he feels bad . We are not big party people and if Alex wants a big party , he can organise that himself , nothing wrong with that , just grow up .
She did say he invited her college friend from overseas. So he did make the effort for her 30th
 
What I don't understand is why the big issue over a 30th birthday. It is not a milestone birthday so build a bridge Alex/ Yes he was considerate to go out of his way for her 30th but he has also delivered an everlasting present and 9 months of discomfort in the meantime. Grow up Alex - poor little diddums didn't get this big party! Guess what - when the baby is born, Alex won't be getting very much attention at all -just imagine the tantrums then!!
 
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Good Heavens No
You have probably done more than anyone else would have in your position and Alex should recognise and appreciate that
I’m assuming that you’re carrying your 1st child so the unknown and the uncertainly must come before everything else if you’re to see your Bub successfully to term
I’m curious to know why his 30th Birthday is so particularly special to Alex, was there a Medical Reason that suggested that he may not live that long or just his mindset that reaching 30 was the Bees Knees and the Cat’s Whiskers all rolled into one
I’m concerned about Alex’s maturity to be a new Dad if something this unimportant has created this unnecessary hissy fit
I wish you every happiness for the future and hopefully this current Domestic Storm blows itself out taking with it the Kindy Kid temper tantrum
Good Luck
 
AW! Poor Little Alex - Sounds like it's going to be ME, ME and ME from here on in !
I think you got a DUD there 'luv - return Baby Alex to Store and get a Grown - Up one !
What's the betting that when the Baby's Crying in the middle of the night, poor little Alex will suddenly develop into a VERY Sound Sleeper and expect you to do all the looking after the Baby ?
Poor Little Diddums, can't he run home to Mummy ? and cry on her shoulder about how cruel you can be, expecting him to act like a Real Live Grown-UP !
 
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Absolutely you are. You dont have a terminal illness…You’re pregnant! How many times in that story did you say ‘I’m pregnant’. Wow! And it’s a secret so you're only weeks into it and already you’re “too tired”. Wow again, run like the wind Alex and never look back!
 

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