[James Gutierrez]

AIBU 10.05.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/ThrowRA_Narcdil:

Am I being unreasonable for expecting to meet my grandchild?

'I'm 42, and my son Jay, who's 18, is expecting a baby with his girlfriend Kate, also 18. Frankly, I don’t think they're ready for parenthood, especially given their short time together, but the baby's due in July, so we're trying to make the best of it. I'm genuinely excited to meet the little one.

Kate's family isn't in the picture – they kicked her out when they found out about the pregnancy. Until recently, Jay and Kate stayed with me, but they've just moved into their own place. I'm proud of their independence. They took all the baby stuff I'd bought for them, including a fully decked-out nursery and gifts from the baby shower.

Unfortunately, the baby's in the breech position, and nothing's convinced it to turn. So, they've scheduled a C-section for July 3rd. I offered to drive them to the hospital, but Jay insisted he would. When I mentioned waiting in the hospital, Kate surprised me by saying they didn't want visitors. She wanted privacy to heal and bond with the baby, only allowing her sister to be there.

I was hurt, feeling like I deserved to be closer to the situation as the grandparent. But I didn't want to argue, so I agreed to wait at their house instead. Then Kate added insult to injury, saying I couldn't visit until the baby had its shots or I got a booster, citing concerns about infections. I felt she was overstepping, especially considering the support I'd provided them.

I'm now seeing more of Kate's controlling behaviour, and it's causing tension between us. I don't think I'm in the wrong here, but both she and my son seem to disagree.'

We're eager to hear your perspectives, members! Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

 

[MargieMac58]

It’s expected now that all visitors have a whooping cough booster before visiting newborns. Her doctor would have told her to insist on it. All our extended family were happy to do this when newborns were due.

 

[Judio]

welcome to parenting 21st century style. This is all too common these days.

 

[Clancieblue]

I think you will gain more respect from Kate and your son if you let them have this time for themselves.
My parents never drove me to the hospital, that's the dads job.
Whooping cough booster is extremely important, my daughter nearly died at 3 months with it. She had had the injection,its a very nasty disease. Let them call you when they are ready to share their news .

 

[Barbara V]

My friend had to have measles and whooping cough vaccine before holding baby

 

[Khate]

To whomever wrote the rude post, yes , she is being a bit selfish but so is the soon to arrives mother. Maybe Granny doesn't understand the new rules, rules they are, about vaccinations , Grannies and Grandpas need to have these to help keep the kids safe. The new mother, did she think to ask about the gifts from Granny, maybe Granny would have liked to have kept some of them at her place to have something for him / her to play with when it is old enough ??? Both being hard headed me thinks !

 

[Craftylady]

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for her to want you to have the Vaccines but I think she is being short sighted as will call on you when it gets tough , no one’s ready for the demands of a baby. There is also sooooo much information given to new mums and dads these days it can be overwhelming. As to that rude commentator above , don’t post if you are going to be nasty

 

[Jill]

Perfectly reasonable. I had to have a whooping cough booster before being allowed to visit. Respect their right to privacy for a little bit.

 

[mOiOz]

When I had my kids overseas almost 40 years ago, ONLY the father was allowed into the ward, delivery room etc.
If there was not a father available, only ONE other person could be chosen in his place.
This was done for Health and Safety reasons. I think it's a brilliant idea and also great at preventing family arguments.

 

[Littleboy8]

When I had my kids overseas almost 40 years ago, ONLY the father was allowed into the ward, delivery room etc.
If there was not a father available, only ONE other person could be chosen in his place.
This was done for Health and Safety reasons. I think it's a brilliant idea and also great at preventing family arguments.

Yep totally agree with you my friend

 

[APapaz]

They are only young, give them time and I’m sure they’ll come around in time. You’ve been a supportive grandma, be understanding now. Best wishes!

 

[TrishH]

She’s not being controlling she’s just being sensible suck it up granny and get over it selfish old bag.

Whilst I agree with having the whooping cough vaccine prior to the baby’s birth, I also believe Kate is being quite selfish.
What I definitely believe is no one needs to be abused on this forum. Your comment is disgusting!

 

[Jest]

Lady, you have been and done this so please let these young ones have their space. this is their turn not yours.

 

[Noon]

It's a rule now that before a baby arrives everyone needs to have the Booster shot, so don't feel insulted, if they're going to be in contact with new-born babies as you never know what you can pick up in Shopping Centres & such. It's so the baby is free from diseases before they have their first needles & Sabin. It's effective for 5yrs so you need to have it done again after the 5yrs if any new babies are born.

 

[marni]

She’s not being controlling she’s just being sensible suck it up granny and get over it selfish old bag.

There are nicer ways to communicate your opinion. This post says more about you than anyone you may think to insult.

 

[MariaG]

When my 3rd grand child was born, the day before delivery, my daughter in law said, no visitors except dad so she has time to "bond". I wasn't upset, just wondered how a visitor can disrupt bonding time.
Anyhow, the story changed on the birth of their second child.
And ... then it really changed when they started looking for someone to babysit.
My opinion is, don't sweat the small stuff. The best is yet to come.

 

[Gsr]

When my friend and her hubby became grandparents for the first time their son advised them they would have to make appointments to come to their home and visit the baby, and if the baby was asleep when they got there they couldn’t see him. They also didn’t want any visits while in the hospital. This was almost twenty years ago. The parents were not allowed to mind the baby or his sister born several years later for over twelve months and it was many years before the grandkids were allowed to stay overnight at Nan and pops. Talk about control freaks. It was totally different when their daughter had babies, Nan and pop were welcome anytime and often minded the babies and had them overnight. We have always had contact with our grandkids from a few hours after they were born. I’m sure these young parents in the story will be asking for grandmas help sooner rather than later once the reality of having a baby to look after sets in.

 

[Johnnie boy]

Weelll!. I guess you will have to stand back and let them decide how to manage parenthood. They are , as you quite rightly point out, very young and undoubtedly will need support. But I think you’ll have to wait until they ask. It sounds as though they are linked in to support via the hospital and this should be a suitable Avenue for help if needed by them. Hard for you to stand back but I feel the most likely way to be involved and I’m sure you will have many skills to share

 

[Johnnie boy]

She’s not being controlling she’s just being sensible suck it up granny and get over it selfish old bag.

Well how rude can you be. I haven’t been used to seeing such inappropriate comments with this Club. It really stops people taking notice of your “advice”

 

[Littleboy8]

Well how rude can you be. I haven’t been used to seeing such inappropriate comments with this Club. It really stops people taking notice of your “advice”

Oh dear I’ve upset another one with my tongue in cheek comment I’d better go stand in the naughty corner again. Until next time twisted knickers brigade seeya.