[Athena E.]

AIBU 09.09.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Feeling-Savings-1462:

Am I unreasonable for not using my inheritance (from my parents) for my husband’s family?

'My husband (52) and I (50) have been married for 31 years. We bought his parents' farm years ago, paid off the mortgage, and built our forever home there. We also raise cattle.'

'His family is always asking for help, especially his sisters and nephews. Years ago, we cared for his parents and his sister with Down’s syndrome when no one else would step up. We had young kids at the time, but we felt we had no choice—otherwise, the state would’ve stepped in. In my family, you take care of your family, so we took them in and never looked back.'

'However, I think his family resented us for this and somehow feels like they are owed something because we now own the family farm. And for some reason, my husband thinks he has to take care of his other sisters even though there is nothing wrong with them.'

'I recently inherited a decent amount of money from my parents. My husband doesn’t know exactly how much, and he’s upset I won’t tell him. He doesn’t have access to the account. But he wants me to use it to build a house on the farm for his sisters, so they don’t have to pay rent anymore. He even wants us to cover their property taxes and insurance, though they’d pay for utilities. He doesn’t want to charge them rent.'

'Why should I use my parents' hard-earned money they passed on to me so that my husband’s lazy sisters can sit in a brand new house on their family’s farm and never have to pay property tax or insurance or rent? I feel like this is my money, and I shouldn’t have to spend it on his family.'

'I want to put the majority of it in trust funds to our two children so I can pass it on to them. And to be honest, I am seriously thinking about just taking my inheritance and getting a divorce and living happily ever after. Do you think I was being unreasonable?'

 

[Brian (the old bloke)]

Over 40 years ago, my wife inherited about enough to buy a medium sized car. She asked me what to do with it and my answer was "your money, your choice". She chose to pay a large slab off our second mortgage. That actually changed our financial situation immensely.
Follow your heart.
Possibly, build the house but they pay rent and have a lawyer draw up a hard contract, eviction clauses and all, and hold them to it. If they do not like that, well "stiff bickies"

 

[novezar]

Pse don't get a divorce after all of your hard earned. Way far & too costly. It's only solicitors who win in that scenario. As far as your inheritance, keep it close to your chest & hang onto it with your dear life, even if you have to open up a new bank account in your own name. There are many numerous other ways with what to do.

I certainly could mention some, but I'm not a "Financial Advisor".

Just make sure that it's in your name only. Have your specific will made out mentioning your children by name as the recipients of that inheritance.

With my wife's blessing, 2nd marriage for both of us, I have an independent super account, which I have maintained for many years prior to our marriage. My 3 are all written into my will for them to share with my demise, to go nowhere else, but to them only.

In that alone, with which I have done, could well be a hint for yourself to consider.

Just be wise & good luck.

 

[Noon]

No, it's your money, not your husband's & he has no right to ask you to spend it on his sisters, you keep it just in case you need to use it for yourself, you never know what could crop up later on. Take some & put it to a nice holiday for you & you husband & children & put the rest into a bank account to earn good interest.

 

[ARL]

No, it's your money, not your husband's & he has no right to ask you to spend it on his sisters, you keep it just in case you need to use it for yourself, you never know what could crop up later on. Take some & put it to a nice holiday for you & you husband & children & put the rest into a bank account to earn good interest.

Not certain the husband deserves a free holiday, given his attitude

 

[natalielocket]

So agree to all above. Anyway, your Husbands sisters can look after themselves. Surely they have jobs. You and Your Children come first.

 

[maxesmum]

Take your money and run for the hills! You’ve paid your dues.

 

[PepeLePew]

Oh hell no. Many years ago I had a friend whose grandmother passed away leaving her home to be sold and divided between her grandchildren. One grandson wanted the house so he paid the others out and the friend ended up with over $10,000.00. Her husband refused to let her do anything with the money such as invest it as he wanted it to buy a car. They already had one in perfect working order but he wanted to upgrade. She handed the money over. Years later the husband was out of work due to the closure of his work place and he blew through his redundancy money (2 1/2yrs worth) in less than 6mths. Her part time job couldn't pay the rent and they ended up homeless. He blamed her because she didn't have a better paying job. Why she is still with him is beyond me and I got fed up with her whinging to me all the time about her situation and walked away.

 

[ClancetteCLIFT]

No you are not being unreasonable.
You no doubt have worked hard all your life.
I am one of 7 children and worked hard all my life until I was reluctently medically discharged after 31 plus years with the Police.
Out of my sublings, 3 cannot drive a car. 2 can drive a car. The remainder are on government benefits. I am the only one that still works.
My mum was diagnosed in March 2023 with Vascular Dementure. I took care of my Mum for 2 & half years before my siblings put my mum in an aged care facility without any consultation with my Mum.
All my siblings expect me to pay for everyrhing as well them buying things for my mum and then seeking reimbursement for the itwms or service. I am not a cash cow and will not be handing my hard earned money/ assets to anyone.
On occasions when one of my siblings may be doing it tough I will buy food for them. I worry my step daughter who is 40grs old will try to get her hands on my money/ assets.
I am currently trying to sell my mums home. My mum has given money to most of my siblings.
My siblings all bitch about each other, make empty promises to our mum, treat her disrespectfully and taking advantage of our mum.
Hang on to your inheritance. You are not obliged to share it with all your kids or husband etc. Maybe even get some legal advice.
Open an account in a completely separate bank account and if your family start to question you rationale just act a bit vague.....

Good luck.

 

[ARL]

Regardless of anything, if you did build them a house, they should definitely pay rent, insurance, etc...
No you are not being unreasonable!

No way. They would always be in your life, giving their opinion no privacy

 

[relljube]

As your husband seems to prefer his siblings feelings over yours, I would invest the money so that he cannot get it. I would also make arrangement in my will for that money to be specifically held for your children or in the event they pre-decease you, their children would inherit these funds.
I feel your husband needs to grow a couple and nicely tell his family where to go - nicely.

 

[HelenFB]

Like everyone has said “it’s YOUR” money.
You have done your best for his family in looking after his parents.
Tell his sisters to go & get a life of their own.
Stand your gun on this one!

 

[darrellh]

I agree with all of the above. You are not being unreasonable but make sure you keep absolute control of your funds and do exactly what you want with it and your will states that as well. If your will is not properly written your husband will get the money in the unlikely event of your premature death

 

[Nozmo]

No it is not unreasonable to keep your money for your own family.
It is a bit like an heirloom.
Good luck.

 

[Dynamo]

You are not unreasonable. Your money is your money and I think it is wise to save it for your children. Get rid of the freeloaders.

Agreed

 

[Trina G]

I agree with all the above.

 

[Ezzy]

Unreasonable you are not.

Your husband is unreasonable by expecting to to set his family up for life with your inheritance. His sisters would gratefully accept "gift" without a word of thanks, your inheritance would be spent & they would be rich monetarily & in clover. What would they spend their money on?

Charity begins at home. You come first with something for a rainy day together with the future of your children who will be grateful for anything you leave them.

 

[Bridiecat]

Take the money and run sweetie as fast as you can

Divorce! You have put up with him and his family long enough

 

[gamiry]

what a greedy, entitled mob. Put the money for the kids into a long termed bank account and DON'T LET HUSBAND anywhere near your own bank account. Husband is a weak excuse for a husband and father. I've walked your shoes.... DON'T LET HIM AT YOUR INHERITANCE

 

[Dreams]

You are not ubreadonsbke

Spend your (note your inheritance, no one else’s) inheritance on what you want.

Too many people want handouts and not work for what they want.

 

[Janice McKay]

Definitely not. This is your inheritance from your parents. You do what you want with it. Your husband needs to look after his family with you and tell his lazy sisters to go jump. They have to learn to stand up for themselves and look after themselves too.