[Danielle G.]

AIBU 08.11.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/throwaway28370u:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to let my wife spend my money on her best friend?

'My wife has known her best friend since middle school. Her friend is a lawyer and her family is quite well off. She makes a lot and is pretty generous with it. My wife has had a few things paid for by her. Specifically, she covered my wife’s portion of her bachelorette trip. The other friends didn’t make much and so she covered it. She also paid for a portion of my wife’s rent twice and she normally pays the bills if she and my wife go out for food.'

'This friend is now marrying a doctor and I don’t think they have any trouble with paying for anything they want. My wife is a stay at home mom and I’m a mechanic. I brought home a bonus of $3k and when I told my wife she immediately started talking about getting her friend a really expensive necklace from this brand she knows her friend really wants.'

'She showed me and the cheapest necklace is $2k on the website. She insisted I should spend the bonus on a wedding gift for her friend. I shut her down and told her it’s my bonus and she really cannot expect me to buy her friend something this expensive. I don’t think wedding gifts even exceed $100. She began fighting with me saying I buy lunch out of the house and I have hobbies that cost a lot of money so why can’t she spend some money like buying her friend a necklace?'

'I do spend a bit on my hobbies and I have 2 cars but I also work for it and her friend can definitely pay for the necklace herself. She is marrying a doctor and they already have a house whereas we are still renting! I told her she is being insane and she insists we sit down and tally up everything I spent on myself in the last year and if it’s higher than 2k, I should pay for the necklace.'

'I think it’s ridiculous to compare the two and I’m refusing to let her buy her friend a ridiculously expensive gift. She insists her friend has spent a lot on her and I also saved money because her friend pays for meals and activities whenever they hang out so she doesn’t have to spend our money.'

'I get that lopsided relationship isn’t the best but then she should refuse to do anything that costs too much and let her friend decide if she wants to just hang out without doing anything that costs money. She refuses to talk to me now and I’m wondering if I’m being unreasonable?'

 

[SJ-G]

That is ridiculous. Not only the cost but also there are 2 people in a marriage. Shouldn't the gift be for the bride and groom??

 

[magpie1]

In this economic climate and the fact that you are renting I would suggest that you are not being unreasonable at all....I am sure that you can both sit down together and sort this out reasonably and buy her something a little less ostentatious that will show her your appreciation for things that she may have done for you in the past. Remember to look after yourselves and your children and most importantly your own finances in this day and age. Your wife needs to rearrange her priorities when spending your income.

 

[Veggiepatch]

I stopped reading at "middle school". Another American trash article.

 

[richmich.4422@gmail]

If the both of you get an invite to the wedding, then buy a modest gift, but never beforehand. Especially if the both of you are on the 'Renting' game.

I think the marrying couple will quite adequately survive their own expenses & presents.

I'm totally sure that the best friend would not expect such a present from your wife. Don't be DAFT.

Hang on to your obvious well earned & "Hard Worked" bonus with a closed fist. Shout "Mum" out to a nice dinner instead, to show your appreciation of her.

NOVEZAR.

 

[MariaG]

She needs to get a part time job if she wants to spend that kind of money on a friend, or, anyone for that matter. Best way to build up a go mad budget is to work for it.
Gifts like that should not form part of a family's budget.
It's crazy to think that spending $2k on a necklace is OK. I don't get why she is discounting the fact that a bride and groom receive a wedding gift. Perhaps she wants to give her friend an I love you gift and also buy a wedding present.
All being said, there is far too much emphasis on owning bigger and better things in this day and age. If they are true friends, the well to do will not expect anything extravagant knowing the financial standing of the not so well to do.

 

[Cheviegirl]

No you are not unreasonable. That is far too much to spend on her friend. Also a wedding gift should be for both of them. I would be buying a gift for around $100. You earned the bonus not your wife, she is in the wrong here. Do not give in to her. Best of Luck.

 

[Barbara V]

Where do you get these articles from . Must be from doctors waiting rooms

 

[Mrtnst]

A true friend who is comfortably well off would be unhappy if their best friend, who they know is far less fortunate than them were to overspend on them.

It might seem like the gift is either an attempt to pretend greater wealth than is real or an indication that the poorer friend feels obligated to pay back her benefactor.

Either would suggest a the giver feels the wealthy friend is looking down on them, and using their money to big note themselves.

A fundamental of friendships is trust, if someone doesn't trust a wealthier friend's generosity to them is the result of love, not pity or pride, then their love for the friend is questionable.

 

[Luckyus]

I stopped reading at "middle school". Another American trash article.

I think all these stories are about Yanks, even just giviving someone a card nwadays are exorbitantly expensive. If I buy buy prensents, I certainly don't expect anything in return.

 

[Noon]

You seem to think that your wife doesn't deserve to share your money because she's a stay-at-home Mum. So does she have a housecleaner, ironing lady, cook, while she just sits around all day doing nothing, while you are out spending money on your hobbies, what is she doing & when she goes out with her friend, you don't pay for anything!!! I think you are a very self-centred man who thinks your wife deserves nothing from you. Work out how much her friend has spent on your wife & how much you spend on your wife & if you know you can afford money to buy her generous friend a $2000 necklace, then do so.

 

[oilsfromoz]

" I bought home a bonus of $3k "
How do you do that?

 

[magpie1]

" I bought home a bonus of $3k "
How do you do that?

By working hard, perhaps with a very successful company that has a range of successful business clientele. He is a mechanic and who knows what type of products his company services. His employer obviously recognises his good work at his job and isn't afraid to pay him accordingly for his efforts.

 

[georgesggrandma]

Definately not being unreasonable. I would never even think of spend a huge amount money on a gift for a friend, especially when the friend is well off and owns their home and you and your wife are still renting. You keep that money and do as you please with it, after it is YOUR bonus.

 

[oilsfromoz]

By working hard, perhaps with a very successful company that has a range of successful business clientele. He is a mechanic and who knows what type of products his company services. His employer obviously recognises his good work at his job and isn't afraid to pay him accordingly for his efforts.

You missed the point, magpie1. The word "bought" is the past tense of 'buy". He shoulf have "brought" it home

 

[magpie1]

You missed the point, magpie1. The word "bought" is the past tense of 'buy". He shoulf have "brought" it home

thanks ofo....my bad ha ha.